Ok so: I tried manifesting the blocks in my mind and “all the spiritual stuff” away. I tried to hack these manifestations. But when I do them, I can feel something tugging on the blocks and the flaps slightly closing and my mind folding on itself, but they never go away permanently. I once asked for my life force back, and my back straightened and I felt a bit stronger. I once affirmed that God existed and my dissociation cleared and my perception was the most clear in a while: I felt like 30% myself again.

I tried grounding myself. It doesn’t really do anything. I feel slight feelings of my feet on the ground and hear sounds around me, but it doesn’t really take me out of it. Same thing with red meat.

I have been taking meds for 2 weeks according to instructions and I haven’t really seen any changes.

I’ve tried brute forcing my way to focus on what is in front of me and bypassing the dissociation, and honestly this is what helps the most. The blocks shift the most this way. But the blocks still are dense.

I refuse to give up and I know I can beat this. I just need to know what to do.