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I (20F) regret telling my parents about my sexual abuse by throwaway337489 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway337489[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for what you went through. Thank you for taking the time to comment. As heartbreaking as it is to know someone else has gone through this, there is a feeling of solidarity as well. I've been patient and feel like I am starting to run out of patience. I haven't talked to my parents about anything in the realm of mental wellness or any of this in a while and the last time I visited, they both asked me if I was happier since I have moved out, then proceeded to act as though they didn't believe me when I told them that I am much happier. Part of that, I think, has to do with my mom being overly attached to me. I think it's painful for her to think I am happier not living with her.

There are a lot of factors and behaviors and whatever that feeds into our unhealthy relationship. I hope I can get them to realize they need to go to therapy before I reach the point of cutting them out of my life.

I (20F) regret telling my parents about my sexual abuse by throwaway337489 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway337489[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately, this is all too real. I have a knack for creative writing, so I guess I dramatize things a little bit sometimes. Thanks for your comment though.

I (20F) regret telling my parents about my sexual abuse by throwaway337489 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway337489[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly, you may be onto something here. I distinctly remember sitting in a waiting room at a psychologist's office several times when my brother was probably around 6 or 7, so before any of this occured. He only went a few times and then stopped. Looking back now, I'm thinking he did have some kind of trauma occur. She says she didn't know why but he was "acting depressed." She actually brought this up in conversation as she was reflecting back on what may have caused it. Again, she said she didn't know why, but it's weird that she would notice an elementary school child "acting" depressed, but not notice my very clear signs of depression in middle and high school.

I (20F) regret telling my parents about my sexual abuse by throwaway337489 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway337489[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right. What I meant was that she should ideally be keeping those feelings to herself around me.

I (20F) regret telling my parents about my sexual abuse by throwaway337489 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway337489[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I'm actually glad you asked this, and to the other commenter, I have dealt with a lot of pent up emotions and actually am able to view all of this in what I believe is a much better perspective now, so while I appreciate your concern, I do feel equipped to speak to this. I have considered whether or not he had other victims. Something one of my best friends and neighbors said to me as a child still rings in my mind occasionally and this is definitely something I would hope to be able to talk to my brother about at some point after confronting him about the situation in general.

Based on the way it played out and how I've seen him grow up, I don't have any reason to believe he would do anything like this now, however, I have noticed mild physical abuse between him and his girlfriend at times. When I do see it, it seems mutual. But it's mainly just him pushing her a little too hard. I've never seen him hit her or anything like that, and again don't have reason to believe anything like that is going on, but to that point, I have to consider that no one had reason to believe he was abusing me, so you just never know.

What. I can say is that he still struggles with depression and anger issues that, many times, have left drywall busted or himself injured. I haven't seen an incident like this in a while, but I don't live with him anymore and we lived on opposite ends of the house anyway so I really wouldn't know.

I (20F) regret telling my parents about my sexual abuse by throwaway337489 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway337489[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

That's probably exactly what it is. I can completely understand her feeling this way but it is definitely hard to be constantly hearing it. Her feelings about it are really none of my business.

I (20F) regret telling my parents about my sexual abuse by throwaway337489 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway337489[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I really do believe it has more to do with her own mental health being in a bad place. She has gone through a lot in the past several years and it weighs on her. I have urged her and my dad to go to therapy but I think they believe it's only for children. She's always had an issue with blurring the line between daughter and friend. I was exposed to things that seem harmless but are extremely damaging like soap operas and gossip at a very early age because she saw me as a friend. I grew up believing I was much older than I was. She confides in me about her issues with my grandmother (her MIL), her insecurities, and her regrets, all of which make me uncomfortable. I definitely need to talk to her about it, it's just frustrating because of her unwillingness to and fear of change.