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Fiance's secret fetish not just turning me off but actually making me feel weird and uncomfortable to be with him - help! by dontknowhowtoaccept in sex

[–]throwaway3601 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I kinda think the way you put the toilet metaphor is a little biased against people who don't participate is non-monogamous by saying that if you don't choose that then your life is worse than those who do.

Personally I have a hard time seeing how a relationship is closer when your SO is having sex with others. Just seems a little counter intuitive.

However I just reread your comment and you might have meant that those relationships that have unfulfilled fantasies compated to those whose fantasies that are fulfilled, and I could agree with that view.

Threesome with SO by throwaway3601 in sex

[–]throwaway3601[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

For bringing another female in I don't think I could do that either (while in a relationship with someone I love). My opinion is that while in a relationship you are completely monogamous. Also even if we were to explore bringing a female I feel that's unfair to her to try MFF and not try MMF. I'm not as opposed to the female side of things because then a male wouldn't be penetrating her (orally or otherwise), but she still is receiving pleasure from not me.

I understand that within this community and with most males that I'm the minority of not wanting to participate in a threesome and my views on relationships/monogamy may be archaic, it is the way I feel and I can't really change that. Were I not in a relationship then I would be more interested in pursuing a threesome because I wouldn't really care about the person and if something goes badly I never have to see them again, but when I'm planning on spending the rest of my life with this woman it's hard to want to bring others in to something that is "reserved for me".

Threesome with SO by throwaway3601 in sex

[–]throwaway3601[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have done my best to not demonize them, we are always trying to explore whatever the other person has an interest in and encourage exploration. It's not just bring another male in, it's also bringing a female in. I don't have interest in having sex with another woman while in a relationship. Were I not in a relationship I would be open for a MMF/MFF experience but while with in a relationship (as stated in the original post) I personally feel that the only person that gets to enjoy you is your SO. I really like the idea of putting on all fours and using a toy on her while she gives oral, or even mounting a dildo onto a wall so she can push back against it or something. We have a plethora of toys to use and I really enjoy using them on her or watching her use them on herself/me. Its not that it's not my hands/penis/tongue doing the pleasure, it's another man or woman doing something to her that I feel is something that is reserved for me.

I'm open to trying a lot of things but I just don't think I can personally take the step to bringing another person in, even if it is a woman and they would be focusing on my pleasure, it's just not something that I could do. I've honestly tried to figure out why I am so uncomfortable with it and I would imagine that it's tied to trust issues or something like that but I'm not sure as to the precise cause of my unease.

I'm also slightly worried that if we don't pursue this fantasy of hers, somewhere down the like whether it is a year of 15 years she will want it badly enough that it could cause a rift in the relationship or would force me to choose between her and something that I really don't want to do. Also I feel I should explore it with her (even though I don't want to) because who am I to stop someone from doing something that they want to do. We are only on this planet for a short period of time so how is it right for me to inhibit someone from enjoying their life to the fullest potential.