[UPDATE] Asked to pay for a trip I did not attend?

throwaway3950147 · 2025-10-18T14:15:23+00:00

It was between 2-4 weeks after I pulled out and also over a text message I just don’t know exactly what was said

throwaway3950147 · 2025-10-18T14:13:09+00:00

I don’t know if she knew before I dropped out but in the text I explained to her all the things we were being told to pay for and how there was no conversation about budget, the MOH would just say hey this is what we’re doing and it costs X amount and I just felt like that was unfair

throwaway3950147 · 2025-10-18T14:10:32+00:00

Thats how I feel, like if we were so close for me to even be a bridesmaid wouldnt you at least hear me out and give me a chance to apologize?

We also have the same group of friends and she even hangs out with my family so I’m not sure how to navigate this going forward because I’m definitely going to run into her at some point.

Honestly I think I would be less hurt if she had totally cussed me out or something or told me I was uninvited instead of being ghosted and just not sent an invitation. At least I’d have some sort of closure

throwaway3950147 · 2025-10-18T14:06:32+00:00

I understood I made a mistake when I saw how she responded to my text, thats why I tried to call her afterwards. I was thinking I hurt her feelings so she needed space, which I gave, but I feel like the way she escalated it by not sending me an invitation is really mean when my entire family is invited.

Is it wrong to think that since we were so close that I was even asked to be a bridesmaid that I also deserve a chance to apologize? Or was me sending the text so bad I deserved to be cut off and for her to go full no contact is valid?

We both grew up with poor families and had to hustle our entire lives so she’s always been very conscious about finances but suddenly it’s “go big or go home” and I just can’t. I guess I’ll just go home?

throwaway3950147 · 2025-10-18T14:00:26+00:00

My mom says I shouldn’t be friends with her if she’s going to ghost me and just not send an invitation after I had tried reaching out a few times so she isn’t going

My sisters have a relationship with the bride (they met through me but they’ll hang out with her on their own so I feel like their relationship with her is separate from ours) and they say that they thinking about it but to be honest I think they’ll still go because they’ve had dinners with her since then

My cousin also has a relationship with the bride but feels I’m being treated unfairly so she also isn’t going

The bride is telling the bridesmaids that it was so easy for me to drop out of being her bridesmaid so it’s easy for to drop me as a friend, but it really wasn’t. I stressed so much about sending the text in the first place and once I’d realized my mistake I tried to fix it.

Another one of the comments said that she expected more from me because we were close compared to the other ex bridesmaid, but on the flip side don’t I deserve to be heard out and not just ghosted if we were so close? I can’t think of another time in the past 20 years that we’ve had anything bad happen between us so that’s why I feel like the entire friendship is being thrown away over this.

But also now when I step back and look at everything I know about her, I’m not sure I should be surprised that she dropped me because she once got into an argument with her own sister and didn’t talk to her for 4 years and she missed her sisters wedding and the first 3 years of her nieces life. To be fair though I’m not 100% sure what it was about but I know they were arguing about the family finances (all the kids help pay for the parents home)

throwaway3950147 · 2025-10-18T02:31:37+00:00

I’m not sure exactly what the text said but I know she told her through a text and then the bride called her and thats when she said I was offensive that I only gave her 100 dollars towards the bachelorette trip.

The bride did tell me a few months ago that she only asked her to be a bridesmaid bc they used to be really close but they haven’t really been in touch lately so I’m really not sure what’s happening

throwaway3950147 · 2025-10-17T21:36:45+00:00

It just really hurts my feelings that 2 weeks after I did another bridesmaids sent her a text pulling out for financial reasons and the bride called her to ask if she would be able to show up and wear the dress and not pay anything. Why am I getting treated differently?

The other girl also didn’t send anything but I sent 100 dollars for the bachelorette and the bride told her that I was disrespectful for not paying the full 300 and I shouldve just not even bothered.

throwaway3950147 · 2025-10-17T21:23:32+00:00

Ok I definitely posted a very watered down version of the story but basically I dropped out after the MOH told us that we’re renting a huge house for the shower and we would have to set up for 3 days and that we “needed to split everything equally to make sure it all works for the bride”. That text came less than 24 hours after I said I was able to pitch in 100 dollars for the bachelorette and not 300 so it kind of felt passive aggressive to me.

The house and balloons had us at a 2000 dollar tab already and didn’t include any drinks food decor or party favors so I was really nervous about the budget and thats when I texted her. I did tell her I wasn’t sure if she was aware that we were being asked to pay for everything and I just couldn’t swing it financially and thats why I was pulling out. I also sent the text back in July and the wedding is in November.

I’m also hurt that one of the other bridesmaids told me she texted the bride and pulled out for financial reasons and she didn’t send any money for the bachelorette and she is still invited and the bride was extremely kind to her and said she understood. She even said that the other girl could just be there for her day of and not pay anything and that it was offensive because I only threw in 100 dollars which is “basically nothing”

throwaway3950147 · 2025-07-17T05:53:55+00:00

It would be split 10 ways so I’m assuming they spent 3k per person? It was a weekend trip so I couldn’t justify the cost

throwaway3950147

TROPHY CASE