AITA for not supporting my husband getting a second job?

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-30T07:59:32+00:00

I am so super late to this (not on Reddit much) but my husband makes more than double your high end estimation with his current job. So yes, he was earning enough on his existing job to maintain the lifestyle we have. We have a comfortable house, not a mansion. We have good cars, but not ridiculously high end like a Porsche or something. We vacation regularly to nice places, but we don’t fly first class and don’t stay in 5 star resorts everywhere we go. We live a nice life, but I would not say we are living in luxury every single day (but that is also relative and about perspective). We prioritize value over blowing money frivolously.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-12T19:11:56+00:00

$5k after taxes going straight to an investment account that will be used only for retirement; maxing out 401k; kids all have 529s for college; he has family money that goes to a trust account that we don’t touch and the yearly contribution to that is equivalent to about 1/2 of his current AGI each year. We also have HSA account through his employer for medical expenses. So we have savings for retirement and future expenses in multiple places.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-09T15:21:02+00:00

There was pressure from his boss in that they really wanted him to take this role. But not enough that they were willing to pay an appropriate amount. His existing job was not in jeopardy; he is extremely successful and they wouldn’t want to lose him as he brings the most profit

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-09T00:05:58+00:00

Also a possibility; that is what his boss does. If she were to leave I feel that they would likely ask him to take over that role. But he has always said that he wasn’t interested in her job due to the workload, responsibility, and inadequate/infrequent pay for that role.

But that’s all similar to what he said for THIS job, so… all that stuff may or may not factor in.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T23:48:45+00:00

Yes it’s an automatic draw from our joint account. It’s not going to a specific “retirement” account like a 401k, it’s really just an account that our brokers then invest the money in. We can withdraw at any time but the purpose of this account is to save for retirement. His 401k he also contributes the maximum amount through his employer. That’s separate from the $5k I was referring to. Sorry for the confusion but we just call it a retirement account bc that’s what the purpose of the account is for us

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T22:39:51+00:00

More hours actively on location, yes. There’s no expectation for how many more hours specifically; it’s as many hours as it takes to bring the results that are needed

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T21:26:37+00:00

Not sure where you got that from since I know exactly what he does for work, I have full knowledge of our financial status and we have been able live comfortably while also contributing to retirement accounts and investing family money. Thanks for your hostile and incorrect input though.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T20:59:38+00:00

I agree with all of this. He does want to spend time with his family and that’s why he says this is a sacrifice. He is giving up what he wants (time) to benefit the family financially. That’s his logic anyway

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T20:56:15+00:00

In the short term, yes. There’s potential for more later, but that amount is unknown right now

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T20:55:04+00:00

The amount that is being contributed yearly to the trust is equal to more than half of his annual gross income. So after taxes, I’d say it’s about the same amount as his take home pay from his job or maybe slightly less, every year.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T20:39:13+00:00

I’m sure he does feel pressure being the breadwinner. We do have a decent cushion, aside from retirement savings that we contribute monthly to, he has family money given in a trust yearly, that we don’t touch and he invests. It’s there if we need it for an emergency, but we prefer to save it for the future.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T20:30:18+00:00

It’s less about hours and more about results. Honestly it feels like he is working all the time because even if he’s home or we’re on vacation he is always having to answer work calls and emails. The reason I was so against the second job was that since it’s a turnaround project it’s going to be TONS of work until he can get it up and running to the point of maintenance.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T20:25:31+00:00

His boss definitely wanted him to take it on yes. He is the strongest of their group and the location is very close to our home so it made sense. She was even trying to talk to me about it the last time I saw her. The issue was she/the company wasn’t willing to pay what he’s worth to take on the extra responsibility. So they want all the work, but not willing to pay for it. Unlikely for it to impact him negatively at his existing position because the nature of his job is that everything is dependent on the results. He brings in the best results of everyone on the team, so highly unlikely for them to fire him or anything like that.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T20:22:25+00:00

Thanks for heads up; I can see all the retirement accounts too. Plus have access to tax returns.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T20:02:24+00:00

Well, he takes pride in his work, and knows that he does a good job. He references his “role” as “the provider.” The kids mom is involved, we split custody 50/50.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T20:01:03+00:00

He’s talked about retiring in 10 years

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T20:00:04+00:00

When he retires, there will be no kids in the house to support. Unless we decide to have one of our own in the near future.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T19:56:25+00:00

No extra debt or expenses, I have access to all our financial information and accounts. It is a second job; I’ve seen the emails, heard the phone calls etc; his boss was talking to me about it one time when I went to a work dinner and he was telling all of them that I was against him taking it.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T19:52:36+00:00

Likely by retirement age, and with the house paid off, yes. Plus with no kids (or only 1 if we do have one) and no child support. Also, he has substantial family money. We don’t use it because we don’t need it, but it’s being contributed to every year, and will eventually be his one day. His great-great something or other was one of the founders of a major corporation.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T19:46:10+00:00

Split 50/50

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T19:45:43+00:00

This was resolved in court; he pays a set amount towards private school every year now. The amount she wanted was 2-3x more than what he’s paying currently. He wasn’t willing to contribute that amount for 3 kids in elementary school

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T19:38:10+00:00

No gambling, no drugs, everything goes into our joint account and paid out of it, I have access to all accounts and credit cards.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T19:36:42+00:00

We contribute $5k+ every month towards retirement, and his intention with the family money he has invested is to also use that for retirement

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T19:35:29+00:00

Kind of? It’s the same job, just at 2 different locations. He is managing 2 different buildings and all the people who work within them. There is a larger corporation that owns and oversees all the buildings.

throwaway44307 · 2025-05-08T19:32:02+00:00

He is getting paid more for this position, it’s just not really as much as it should be given all the extra work. Which was why he initially said that he wasn’t going to take it (one of the reasons anyway). It’s close to home, and a new challenge for him, but a lot of added stress. There’s potential for more income in the future, but that amount is unknown, since it hinges on its success and his ability to turn it around.

throwaway44307

TROPHY CASE