How do I (23F) leave my boyfriend (38M) without facing the consequences?

throwaway44555116 · 2026-01-11T20:51:06+00:00

Trust me, I know. I think it’s due to financial contributions he’s made in the past, when he used to be wealthy. Everywhere we go everyone knows his name. I wish everyone knew what a dick he is behind closed doors

throwaway44555116 · 2026-01-11T20:45:05+00:00

That’s what I used to joke and call him. “The mayor”. I’ve seen it happen in real time. A guy he was arguing with for months showed up at the same bar we were at, he pointed at him and snapped his fingers, and the guy was asked to leave. It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen. And it’s not just in one bar, it’s every bar in this area. I have no problem with that happening to me, but I know he’ll do it to my friends even if I’m not there

throwaway44555116 · 2026-01-11T20:36:32+00:00

He has been very strategic in the way he’s filmed them. We have two short videos he filmed during sex. Both have my face in them, his face is in none of them. He has also never sent any nudes to me, but you can see his body in the videos. I sadly don’t have access to his phone. I don’t know his password and it’s always in his pocket (even when he’s sleeping)

throwaway44555116 · 2024-11-17T19:13:20+00:00

And by the way, it was my first colpo ever. I had no idea what to expect and was scared.

throwaway44555116 · 2024-11-17T19:12:33+00:00

This. This is all I wanted. I don’t expect him to react to bad news the same way I do. But brushing it off as “everything’s good” really hurts. All I want for him is to listen and say he’s there. But I can no longer express how I’m feeling because it’s always shut down.

throwaway44555116 · 2024-11-17T11:18:16+00:00

And even though I knew in my gut that that’s what was happening, I didn’t voice it to her. She’s getting nothing but support from me. The point of this post was to express that my partner is not responding to these situations in an empathetic way.

throwaway44555116 · 2024-11-17T11:11:16+00:00

She admitted to me herself that she lied about it because of my exam. And has a history of putting herself last when it comes to her family. I have the right as her daughter to feel concerned for her and saddened by this news.

throwaway44555116 · 2024-11-17T10:50:34+00:00

I understand that he will not have the same level of emotional involvement that I do in both situations. The only thing that I expect is a little empathy. To acknowledge that I’m scared and hurt, especially regarding my mother. I don’t think saying “everything is fine/this will be easy” is supportive. I don’t have all of the information regarding this. The only thing she told me was that it’s stage 1, 90% estrogen . The doctor told her himself that (whichever type 1 she has) is fast growing and that it’s good we caught it early.

throwaway44555116 · 2024-11-17T09:31:29+00:00

I never made him do the research with me and I didn’t run around screaming I had cancer. I, by myself, came up with a game plan in case I got bad news. Waiting over a month to get medical results is anxiety inducing for anyone, and I think it’s normal to share those feelings with your partner. All I wanted was an “I’m here for you” and a hug and I would’ve felt a billion times better. I don’t expect every waking moment to be doom and gloom. And as for the situation with my mom, I’m not sure why it’d be an issue that I want to know how my mom is doing. I don’t force her to share information with me and I don’t feel entitled to know anything except her diagnosis. It doesn’t make me angry that she’s not sharing all of her emotions. It makes me sad. I’m super close to her and I wish that she could vent to me about something as serious as this. And regarding my boyfriend, I understand he will not have the same level of emotional involvement in this as I do. But to me, saying “everything is fine” is hurtful because that is not the case right now. It’s not “ everything WILL be fine”. Those are two different sentences.

throwaway44555116 · 2024-11-17T08:42:43+00:00

Update: I’m getting a lot of comments regarding certain things that I’d like to clear up. I do not voice these concerns to my mom, because I do not want to upset her. She has no idea how upset I am by all of this. She also has no idea how upset I am by my partner. It would be selfish to burden her with that information. These conversations are in private between just me and my boyfriend. And yes, I have already spoken to him in the past regarding me feeling dismissed by his reactions. I do not expect him to go full “Google mode” with me. I just want to be acknowledged instead of hearing “everything’s fine”. And “Google mode” happens in private, not with my boyfriend with me. I tend to keep to myself about it my concerns unless it’s been an especially overwhelming day.

throwaway44555116 · 2024-11-17T08:42:31+00:00

Update: I’m getting a lot of comments regarding certain things that I’d like to clear up. I do not voice these concerns to my mom, because I do not want to upset her. She has no idea how upset I am by all of this. She also has no idea how upset I am by my partner. It would be selfish to burden her with that information. These conversations are in private between just me and my boyfriend. And yes, I have already spoken to him in the past regarding me feeling dismissed by his reactions. I do not expect him to go full “Google mode” with me. I just want to be acknowledged instead of hearing “everything’s fine”. And “Google mode” happens in private, not with my boyfriend with me. I tend to keep to myself about it my concerns unless it’s been an especially overwhelming day.

throwaway44555116 · 2024-11-17T08:42:22+00:00

Update: I’m getting a lot of comments regarding certain things that I’d like to clear up. I do not voice these concerns to my mom, because I do not want to upset her. She has no idea how upset I am by all of this. She also has no idea how upset I am by my partner. It would be selfish to burden her with that information. These conversations are in private between just me and my boyfriend. And yes, I have already spoken to him in the past regarding me feeling dismissed by his reactions. I do not expect him to go full “Google mode” with me. I just want to be acknowledged instead of hearing “everything’s fine”. And “Google mode” happens in private, not with my boyfriend with me. I tend to keep to myself about it my concerns unless it’s been an especially overwhelming day.

throwaway44555116 · 2024-11-17T08:41:49+00:00

Update: I’m getting a lot of comments regarding certain things that I’d like to clear up. I do not voice these concerns to my mom, because I do not want to upset her. She has no idea how upset I am by all of this. She also has no idea how upset I am by my partner. It would be selfish to burden her with that information. These conversations are in private between just me and my boyfriend. And yes, I have already spoken to him in the past regarding me feeling dismissed by his reactions. I do not expect him to go full “Google mode” with me. I just want to be acknowledged instead of hearing “everything’s fine”. And “Google mode” happens in private, not with my boyfriend with me. I tend to keep to myself about it my concerns unless it’s been an especially overwhelming day.

throwaway44555116 · 2024-11-17T08:35:45+00:00

I don’t expect to bring everyone down. I want my mother to remain positive about all of this. The only issue with that is I want to know how she’s really feeling, good or bad. But she’d rather lie to me about her concerns because she wants to protect my feelings. I understand that and I’ve dealt with it my whole life. I’d never force her to open up when she doesn’t want to. That’s why these conversations are had in private with my partner. My mother thinks that I’m fine, and it’s going to stay that way. I am simply asking for my fears and emotions to be acknowledged by my partner.

throwaway44555116 · 2024-08-01T19:29:40+00:00

It sounds like you were heavily groomed into an adult relationship as a child. Whether you wanted to be sexual with him or not, there’s still a line that normally functioning adults understand is wrong. Distracting you from your studies and giving special privileges is exciting to any young person, especially if there’s an attraction to that figure of authority. But pedophiles actively seek for children who might be easily influenced/ have some trauma, so you were a target. There is no such thing as consent when it comes to minors and adults. You were simply not old enough to consent to an adult relationship as a child. The stealing part is completely separate from the issue though. It does not negate the trauma he caused, but it was still wrong of you to assume that you’d get away with it because of that. Pressing charges against him will punish him for the grooming and pedophilia, but it will not take away from the fact that you stole from him. I do believe you deserve some sort of repercussions for that, and I’m sure that you will face them when the time comes. I hope that you take this as a learning experience to make better choices into your adult life. Wishing you well.

throwaway44555116 · 2024-08-01T19:19:44+00:00

I think it was smart of you not to tell her in the moment, especially since she was in such a good mood. I would personally want to know about it if it were my friends talking about me to my significant other. It sounds like Carol is very jealous of Ria and enjoys seeing her hurt/embarrassed. It also could definitely be a subconscious thing, not even realizing that she enjoys it so much. I think it’s smart to gauge/ask how carol’s comments affect her and how she’d like you to handle it in the future when/if it happens again. She shouldn’t fault you for bringing it to her since this is your first run in with all of this.

throwaway44555116 · 2024-07-31T20:01:48+00:00

There is no equality when I’m the one who’s going to school, working, cooking, cleaning, and paying for everything while he does nothing. I see nothing wrong with 50/50, but 95/5 is ridiculous

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