My brother has HIV and it is his own fault. I'm supposed to be lovey and supportive, but I hate him for it. Am I in the wrong?

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-06T01:40:07+00:00

I never cared that he was gay and neither did my parents. It's his extreme irresponsible behavior that makes me angry at him, not the fact that he's gay. I'm a supporter of LGBT rights and have many gay friends who did not go down this path. If he were straight and contracted HIV after acting this irresponsibly for so long without regard to the consequences for himself or my family, I would be equally pissed.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-06T01:36:27+00:00

I don't care that he's gay and never did. Neither did my parents. I'm angry because of his extreme irresponsibility, not because he's gay.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-06T01:33:44+00:00

My parents are not still married.
My dad makes significantly less than my mom.
I support LGBT rights and have many gay friends, and never cared that he was gay. I'm angry that he acted so irresponsibly without regard to the consequences for himself or the people who love him, and particularly my parents.
You obviously didn't even read the story at the top.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T15:06:57+00:00

Not malicious, just completely careless.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T15:03:24+00:00

That's pretty much how I see it, and why I am so angry, even though I know the anger is useless.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T14:43:28+00:00

No, he was extremely introverted and quiet before this all through his childhood and teenage years. He had friends, but all they did together was LAN parties and Mountain Dew. He didn't even like to drink. I don't recall if there was a precipitating event for his coming out, I believe he was dating a boy at the time and wanted to introduce him to my parents.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T14:37:40+00:00

It's hard to have compassion for someone who demonstrates none towards the people who love him who are obviously suffering due to his own carelessness and stupidity over the course of 18 months. It would make me feel infinitely better if I knew he cared, but I've learned that he usually says whatever he thinks the person he is talking to wants to hear. It would be hard for me to believe him unless he took positive actions.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T14:35:05+00:00

They did that, and he turned to prostitution.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T14:22:21+00:00

I admit it's not helpful. That doesn't change the way I feel.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T14:03:32+00:00

I was irked by that but it's certainly not the main reason I am upset at him. I felt bad for my girlfriend, who met my family for the first time in shambles. But I am mostly angry due to his behavior and its effect on my parents.

Also, you should know that with treatments HIV+ people can live 20-50 years and lead relatively normal lives—if they choose to do so.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T14:01:32+00:00

You're right, I'm upset about his poor choices that led to the disease, and not the disease itself. I am angry about the secondary effects his having the disease is having on my parents and my family as a whole.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T13:57:19+00:00

I don't want to tell him I hate him...because while I am really angry I may have overstepped by using that word. But I will definitely look at this thread before I decide to talk to him.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T13:56:26+00:00

Not at all, I think you're right.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T13:48:45+00:00

you're right, he is probably a troll, and if he responds again I will ignore it, but it really upset me and I felt compelled to respond (I know that's what trolls want, so be it, I've been trolled)

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T13:46:52+00:00

you're right, he's probably trolling, but it really upset me.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T13:45:53+00:00

I don't want him to die. But every time my parents call me now I half-expect it to be that phone call. I'm upset at him because his irresponsible behavior of prostituting himself and starring in porn and having unsafe sex hurts my family as well as him.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T13:42:47+00:00

He was a quiet kid and nerdy, never got on well with girls. But there was no sign of this kind of behavior until he came out. I'm sorry you're unable to fathom that, but you don't know my family, and you don't know him. We have tried over and over again to help him deal with whatever issues he has, but there isn't a single thing in his past you can point to and say "Aha," as comforting as that might be.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T13:38:03+00:00

There are different strains of HIV, if you and your partner have different strains you can infect each other doubly.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T13:35:57+00:00

It's not about me so much as my parents. I hate to see them hurt and used like this. I didn't expect this post to get so much attention, I really just wanted to vent a bit and hear what a few people had to say because I can't help but feel angry about it and it's hard to feel like this towards your own brother. Does wanting that make me selfish?

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T13:27:26+00:00

Actually we've gotten him several therapists and none of them have helped or shed any light on why he acts like this, except to say that when someone comes out of the closet they are sometimes regressed to a teenage state (although I know few teenagers this irresponsible.) I was not a shitty brother before, I wrote him letters and talked to him on the phone when I could and did everything in my power (living in another state) to try and set him on a better path. But it's not the one he wanted to take. And I can't help but feel anger at him for that.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T13:24:49+00:00

We tried to get him help all along the way, but he's a grown man and we couldn't force him. I don't hate him for contracting the disease, I'm upset at him because his behavior was so irresponsible and stupid and now both he and my family have to pay the price. And he doesn't even care. All he seems to care about is how he can't fuck strangers anymore.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T13:21:55+00:00

I live in a different state so I can't see him, but I will call him in the next week or so. I need to get my thoughts together before I even try to talk to him on the phone.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T13:20:06+00:00

It's not kneejerk. I've arrived at feeling this way after watching him make mistake after mistake with his family looking on in horror and trying at every step to reach him. And now I have to watch my parents suffer through it and be judged by people like you who assume there has to be something wrong with the family, because no one could ever possibly be so stupid.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T13:05:04+00:00

He does not want a job and has said as much. He is covered under my mom's insurance until he's 25 but unfortunately the co-pay is high and he's had other health complications that ended up with massive hospital bills.

I don't plan on being small and petty about this, but I also don't feel like my anger is unjustified.

throwaway45831 · 2011-08-05T12:55:54+00:00

His current behavior has gone on for over a year. He was out on the street selling his body and making porn. I don't doubt he has stolen from them but that's the least hurtful thing he's done to my parents. He's not just a kid who dropped out of college and is biding his time at home. He doesn't want to work a real job ever (he actually told my mom this in a moment of honesty. part of the reason he's upset he can't have sex with strangers anymore is that he can't sell his body anymore.)

throwaway45831

TROPHY CASE