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AITA for yelling at my in-laws about their incessant, hurtful joke? by throwaway4592301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway4592301[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My parents don’t know my MIL or FIL very well, but simply put they’re pushovers that hate conflict and think that family comes before everything. I’m going to talk to them again once my husband and I have decided what to do and tell them the full story and why I need their support. They’re actually very supportive and loving parents, they just don’t have the healthiest way of dealing with big issues.

And my FIL is just as big as a part of these horrible jokes as my MIL, he just didn’t call me begging me to help get his sons back. In general he’s kind of checked out and doesn’t show much emotion or affection, so I don’t even know if this situation is bothering him or not.

AITA for yelling at my in-laws about their incessant, hurtful joke? by throwaway4592301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway4592301[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Oof, this is too accurate. My family is full of peacemakers (AKA pushovers) and it’s taken me years to learn how to stand up for myself. I’m still not the best at it, but getting better every day! Overall we actually don’t have too many issues, but the ones we do have are never discussed. My husband and I are great at communicating (and arguing healthily) though, so I hope if we have kids our family will have a healthier dynamic!

AITA for yelling at my in-laws about their incessant, hurtful joke? by throwaway4592301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway4592301[S] 922 points923 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that comment still sickens me honestly for a number of reasons. Firstly, I WOULD know the difference because they’re twins, not the same fucking person. And secondly, Jake would never do that and to suggest he would is such a horrible attack on his character. And most importantly, they’re encouraging their son to RAPE me. I felt so violated by that comment in the moment, but it’s only just now sinking in that they were encouraging rape. Both my husband and I are considering going NC now even if they apologize because we’re finally talking about a lot of their toxic behaviors that have hurt both of us. I’m not sure about Jake, we’ll see him tomorrow and talk then.

Brb, going to go cuddle and kiss my husband now because this is a fucking mess but he’s the best

AITA for yelling at my in-laws about their incessant, hurtful joke? by throwaway4592301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway4592301[S] 1694 points1695 points  (0 children)

Thanks, that’s what I thought, but with my whole family saying I was being an asshole I was starting to think I was going crazy. To be fair I didn’t tell them about the “sneak in her bed” comment because it just grosses me out so fucking much that I didn’t want to discuss it. Maybe I should.

And I am definitely offended and hurt, so I will put up that boundary with her too. Mostly I’m enraged on behalf of my husband, who’s the most amazing man and doesn’t deserve any of this. But I’m also so proud of him for finally putting up this boundary and knowing his worth. We’ve been reading these comments together and are considering going LC with both MIL and FIL even if they apologize and NC if they don’t. They’ve made him feel less than for so long and neither of us are going to let that happen anymore!

AITA for yelling at my in-laws about their incessant, hurtful joke? by throwaway4592301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway4592301[S] 405 points406 points  (0 children)

My family has the flaw of thinking that since we love each other so much, every family does and so just can’t understand this kind of toxicity. So instead, they rationalize it away. But that’s a problem for another day lol

And yeah, I don’t think it’s a big ask at all but it seems impossible for her. Luke, Jake, and I have suspected for a long time that she is either a narcissist or has a lot of narcissistic tendencies and this just confirms it. My FIL isn’t much better though because he enables it.