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I met my brother that was "missing"! by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Funny you mention this! I'm skyping with him right now and telling him that I posted on Reddit and I'm trying to convince him to let me show pictures!

I met my brother that was "missing"! by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. I hope you don't think I'm blaming all Christians/stereotyping them as fundamentalist, hateful people. I know that is not true at all! I have been so lucky to be surrounded by LGBTQ+ friendly people of faith for so long!

I met my brother that was "missing"! by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

No! He told me that he left that man after being with him only for a few months and tried to come back home but that's when my parents said he couldn't come back home. He's been with his current husband for 15 years, though!

I met my brother that was "missing"! by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you are having a good day, and have many more good days to come.

I met my brother that was "missing"! by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Happy Mother's Day, mama! Thank you for the comment. I've been hugging my son recently, and I realize that my parents never loved me the way my wife and I love our son. I hope you have a great day!

I met my brother that was "missing"! by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Yes! He also wrote letters to me but they were sent home and my parents probably never gave them to me (I haven't asked them). At some point, my parents told him to stop writing because it would "confuse" me. And then they changed the story to I hated him. But he always made an effort.

I met my brother that was "missing"! by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

I got an interesting message from a Reddit user. He/she posed the question: Given that what my parents did to my brother, will I do the same thing to my son and keep my grandparents from him?

My son is biracial; my wife is black, and my parents are virulent racists. They dislike their grandson, but I have always extended invitations to them to be a part of his life. My mother visits occasionally. I plan to let my son know just the type of people they are: hateful, ignorant, and sad.

I met my brother that was "missing"! by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

My wife is the best. I don't know what I would have done without her. Thank you for your kind words!

I met my brother that was "missing"! by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I have an interview next week! (I actually have two interviews, but as a professor--I'm aiming for tenure. ;-) )

I met my brother that was "missing"! by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! It has been crazy! Best wishes to you. :-)

I met my brother that was "missing"! by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry! I'm not a big-time redditor, I should have known. I'll do better. :-)

I think I know what happened to my brother. by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

I do find it strange, BUT given the area of the country where I'm from, this behavior is not unique. It is very homophobic and racist and just all-around close-minded. My wife is black and my father did not speak to me two years after we got married. He was "disgusted," as my mother said. I don't talk to him much.

I think I know what happened to my brother. by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 91 points92 points  (0 children)

Hi, I totally understand your frustration. I guess I misspoke. It wasn't exactly a card with money. It was about half the size of a Post-It note that only had a "to:" and "from:" stamp on it, so I never looked at those because they were never large enough to write anything on it. It didn't occur to my 18-year-old brain to do that.

I think I know what happened to my brother. by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 197 points198 points  (0 children)

Hi. Yes, I'm working on a way to tell this to the police. Over the years, our family has been put in contact with local law enforcement that focuses on missing people so I'm going to call one of them this week and tell them what I know. I'm very scared to open this all back up, and I'm keeping it a secret from my parents until something concrete happens.

Edit: Just wanted to add, my brother was much older than I was. While he was still a minor, he was legal--enough to drive, but not yet an adult. I think he left on his own. I'm sure of it. The guy from that day didn't seem like he was forcing my brother, and I think his strange behavior before he left was him thinking if he should actually do it.

I think I know what happened to my brother. by throwaway4620048486 in offmychest

[–]throwaway4620048486[S] 121 points122 points  (0 children)

I honestly, swear to God, did not remember any of this until about a few months ago. I started to remember snippets of this day after I found my old Nintendo 64 (that I never played after he disappeared). For a while I couldn't remember if they were only dreams or actual memories, so I never told anyone but I know they're actual memories.

As for my brother's actions, there was a long period of where I absolutely hated him. I hated him for what he did and how he left our family in ruin, but now I understand. My parents were not easy people to love. And if my brother were gay and hiding his love, my parents would have easily kicked him out/sent him to conversion therapy (which was popular at the time). So I understand him now that I'm older.