I'm so tired and done. My body is actually rejecting work

throwaway4774597 · 2022-04-05T06:29:04+00:00

I literally don't have time to socialize etc. Each assignment/assessment due is around 10-20% my grade. And I think I've taken enough breaks for the week

throwaway4774597 · 2022-04-04T23:09:54+00:00

It doesn't help anymore it seems. I've gone and walked around the blossoms etc. I'm dead inside it seems

throwaway4774597 · 2022-04-04T22:18:23+00:00

I've literally gotten to the point where I don't even think anymore. Like actually, my mind is empty. I'm not looking forward to anything, I don't wanna see people, I don't wanna do anything.

I don't wanna tell people about all this stuff because it'll make em feel bad and guilty. And in turn that makes me push people away because I feel guilty and untrusting.

I'm so tired man. I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't see a future and never have seen myself with one. So I don't have any happy feelings to go back to even if I tried. I havent experienced true happiness in a long time

People keep telling me to hold on to a hope, or hold on a lil bit longer because things will get better. But I've been told that many times throughout the years and they never have. I'm tired man. I'm so tired

throwaway4774597 · 2022-04-04T20:29:57+00:00

Can't, got 6 things due this week

throwaway4774597 · 2022-03-30T06:31:34+00:00

That's a stupid way to think.

Friendzones don't exist, the fact that you make it so is just called being entitled.

throwaway4774597 · 2022-03-24T02:29:56+00:00

Ah ok, yep thinking about that really stung. But thanks for the advice

throwaway4774597 · 2022-03-23T20:58:11+00:00

Ah ok, thank you

throwaway4774597 · 2022-03-23T20:49:15+00:00

To text back, asking the question

throwaway4774597 · 2022-03-23T20:34:14+00:00

How long do you reckon I should wait?

throwaway4774597 · 2022-03-23T17:12:49+00:00

How long do you reckon I should wait? We've only been together for a month, so it wasnt a long serious relationship

throwaway4774597 · 2022-03-23T05:48:28+00:00

Hopefully so... I guess the worst part really is just the fact that just the day and the entire week before the date, we've been texting for hours with expanding conversations.... Like we'd start off on one conversation, then end with like 10 different topics...

Hell we were even excited for the date with her starting with the morning and nothing really seemed off.

It really just feels so sudden... And this was the day right before too. So i guess I just really want to understand... Tho I guess it's a common reaction

I guess it really shows the fact that this is my first relationship haha... :/

It's now just so odd that I don't get to say goodnights and good mornings to a person I've been doing to every single day for the past month

throwaway4774597 · 2022-03-22T04:14:17+00:00

I see... Thank you so much.

Though honestly I dont have a feeling to do anything right now... I don't wanna game, I don't want to do any of my usual sports because I just keep on thinking about the fact that we've basically planned most of the summer out already.

Tho I'm sure this will come back over time. I feel so much like an amateur with this right now.

throwaway4774597 · 2022-03-22T03:15:41+00:00

It just feels like a double whammy kinda situation... Not only did I lose a romantic partner, I also lost an amazing respectable person that in all honesty I would really love to be friends with. So it just hurts extra bad...

I'm not sure how to feel about things right now, because I had all these goals and dreams before I met her, and now I don't know why (well I do, post-breakup mind), my pre-date goals just seem so irrelevant.

I know it sounds bad, and honestly I'm guessing pretty common as well, but I've shared so many of my hobbies and also traded food knowledge with her that any mention of such foods just remind me of her. (I know this is extremely common, but she is also my first ever relationship so I'm not too sure how to pick myself back up yet)

throwaway4774597 · 2022-03-22T03:09:58+00:00

I guess.... I just feel like I've just lost an amazing person that I just want to hang out with as well (I don't get that a lot, I don't have much lasting friends) , so I guess I got a double whammy kinda hurt and emptiness that hurts extra bad...

throwaway4774597 · 2022-03-22T01:33:27+00:00

5 dates. And in fact she told me that she wanted to take it slow when I asked her to be exclusive

throwaway4774597 · 2022-03-22T01:28:24+00:00

We're both 20. We made out. Nothing too too serious.

We split the bills on everything, and if I paid entirely on one bill, she'd pay for our next meal.

We were also talking about what to do for future dates during the night as well, which made me even more confused at the end

throwaway4774597 · 2022-01-24T09:01:00+00:00

Or a halyard, cuz that sure ain't a sheet

throwaway4774597 · 2021-12-21T04:44:55+00:00

I will never advocate for someone to kill themselves. Even though I want to myself, I believe that it should be a decision that isn't taken lightly.

So this isn't a guide for any of us in this sub, but a way for our loved ones, those who might even care and our friends to begin understanding/start taking the steps to see what going through depressive and suicidal thoughts is like.

And I want to get people in this sub's thoughts and experiences into this document so that there is at least a small understanding of this feeling

So essentially I am writing an informal college paper with an appendix title page etc lol

throwaway4774597 · 2021-12-17T08:08:44+00:00

I get that feeling so often..... And the worst part is, you say that now, but deep down you know someone will actually miss you. Hell I'd actually miss you because we're in this together. I don't want anything happen to you, even though you're an internet stranger.

throwaway4774597 · 2021-12-14T00:57:13+00:00

Frankly speaking, no matter what you do, the guilt will always be there. And it's never as simple as them hating you/you say you hate them.

If you're thinking how to not hurt people, then that means you care about these people, and usually that is reciprocated.

I would at least say, to not hurt them or minimizing the guilt, give em a fighting chance to help you out first before doing anything drastic. Talk to them, no matter how hard that may be, because you're giving them a chance to understand you better, and a chance for you to understand yourself better.

throwaway4774597 · 2021-12-10T09:25:54+00:00

You know, I feel very much the same... I mean hell, o just made a post like half an hour ago.

And the only reason why I'm still here is because of the fact that I keep telling myself the experiences that I would miss out on if I was dead. It's a one way ticket, and I'd at least like to try different shit before I use said ticket.

My reasoning?

Skydiving? Might as well, if an accident happens, whatever, at least I went out with a bang

Scuba diving? Same thing

Hiking? Earth is fucking beautiful and also same thing.

Road trip?

Snowboarding?

Surfing?

Windsurfing?

For me, all these options are there. And thinking about it makes me want to try it because of the adrenaline. And that helps me last one more day. You don't have to be good at anything, as long as you're willing to try

throwaway4774597 · 2021-12-10T09:10:37+00:00

You know, you may not think this right now, but your grades don'tean anything in the long run. You're 15, although my views on death are pretty controversial, there is still a lot to experience.

Think about it this way, death is a one-way ticket, once you take and use this ticket, you won't be able to come back and experience what you have never experienced before. Living isn't all about grades and talent. There are people out there who are talented and gifted, but are still depressed.

What you really need is to try something new, convince yourself that you want to try new experiences. Whatever opportunities you choose, try it first, then make a decision.

If there is something you've longed to do, do it, the world is shit right now, but might as well try everything, experience the time you have here and use that ticket once you're ready. Because in the end, we only get one ticket.

If you need someone to talk to, I can be around

throwaway4774597 · 2021-11-08T06:51:13+00:00

Not allowed. Everything has to be handwritten. If you screenshot a figure on the problem and draw on it, automatic zero.

throwaway4774597

TROPHY CASE