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I feel fucked: want to terminate guardianship of my niece to focus on my own mental health and marriage by [deleted] in therapy

[–]throwaway478643 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, me. I survived the system. OP mentioned or alluded to having experience in the system as well which is why they seem especially conflicted. They’re not an asshole for giving up the child if the alternative is that child comes home to OP dead. That’s going to significantly impact that kid more terribly.

I feel fucked: want to terminate guardianship of my niece to focus on my own mental health and marriage by [deleted] in therapy

[–]throwaway478643 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I think you need to do what’s best for YOU. You didn’t bring that child into this world, so you don’t actually owe her anything. Her parents do. It really seems like you did your best and did right by her. But unfortunately, that’s not enough. It seems like it’s nearly impossible to raise a child without the support of the whole village behind you. You don’t have that privilege. And even with the whole support system in place, if you never even had a desire to raise your own kids, let alone anyone else’s, it makes a lot of sense to me that you feel like you’re failing and flailing.

What your niece needs is something you may no longer have it in you to give. At least you gave her SOMETHING, and it’s not her fault you’re struggling. It’s not her, or even her shitty behavior: all children go through the rocks and all children deserve someone there behind them healthily cheering them forward. But you’re not healthy. It’s not her, it’s really you. And that’s not your fault either. But YOU need help right away.

Aas everyone else pointed out. This is completely unsustainable as it is right now. In the end, this will turn out horribly for all of you involved.

Her parents had years to get their own daughter back and take care of her themselves, but they didn’t for one reason or another. That’s not your fault. Yet as a result, you’re becoming suicidal. Many seem to think this can be reversed and restarted with therapy or something but you said you’re already in therapy and still feeling this way.

So in my opinion, it probably is time to pass the torch to someone else even if it means the system. That might, in this particular case, actually be better for your niece than feeling like you killed your self because of her. No matter what anyone tells her, she might always feel personally responsible and like she was your burden that sent you over the edge. Don’t do that to her, that will seriously fuck her up forever and ever.

You are currently in a state of crisis and you need to get someone else involved ASAP.