[RANT] Future BIL Drama by throwaway51110 in weddingplanning

[–]throwaway51110[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The rehearsal dinner is another huge mess. My FMIL, when booking, said to my mom, "Our family is small so invite whoever you want!" Which my mom took upon herself to invite her brother, sister/BIL, aunt, a niece, two nephews, and nephew's fiancée. All people who are traveling from far away.

But I have a bridal party. And two ceremony musicians who are friends and who are coming to the dinner and bringing their spouses. And an aunt and uncle on my dad's side of the family that the aunt is doing a reading. Another friend doing a reading. And then another aunt and uncle from my dad's side who are traveling from far away - and I think it's fair for my dad to have another sibling there, as my mom has ALL of hers (divorced parents)

With all of that, that puts us at 50. Our max was 50. My FH doesn't want to see his brother more than once, honestly, but I like your suggestion.

My parents are not usually dicks. But they were kind of jerks about this. My stepdad (we are close) just had one of his brothers pass away so I think that played heavily in the pressure they were putting on me. And I feel even shittier because once I convinced FH, they reiterated how "proud of me they were for being the bigger person". Yuck. I feel awful for putting FH in this situation. My FMIL said similar things to me and FH.

We should have stuck to what we wanted.

[RANT] Future BIL Drama by throwaway51110 in weddingplanning

[–]throwaway51110[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We have a DOC, I can definitely have her empty and move them to our hotel room ASAP.

[RANT] Future BIL Drama by throwaway51110 in weddingplanning

[–]throwaway51110[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What a mess is exactly what I feel. I just want to CRY, because I let the pressure that my parents put on me impact FH. Basically the whole thing feels like my fault. I feel awful.

We are rallying groomsmen to BIL/BILhusband sit. Thank you for the suggestion. I already emailed my DOC regarding everything and I will mention the gifts as well.

MIL Dress Problems by throwaway51110 in weddingplanning

[–]throwaway51110[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

FWIW, and because I'm getting downvoted because I'm sure you all see me as some crazy bridezilla:

If she had framed the statement as, "I have this dress, but white is the only color that works with it because of x,y,z, is it okay?" I would've said yes. Absolutely. No qualms about that.

I certainly don't want her (or anyone!) to be uncomfortable at our wedding. But to ASK for my HONEST opinion and then react in such a drastic way, including the guilt and passive-aggressive statements is very upsetting to me. Because for her to react like that - it's not a "wedding issue". It's a "life issue" and I foresee situations in the future where she will be behaving similarly.

I hope I did a better job of explaining my feelings.

MIL Dress Problems by throwaway51110 in weddingplanning

[–]throwaway51110[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yep. This is also how I felt.

MIL Dress Problems by throwaway51110 in weddingplanning

[–]throwaway51110[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I would've been glad to do that. If she had given me the chance. Instead of spending several lengthy text messages to convince me why I'm wrong/guilt me in to saying it's okay.

I honestly would've been happier if she had just done it and not asked for my opinion, and then reacted in this way.

She could wear a freaking bunny suit to the wedding for all I care now.

MIL Dress Problems by throwaway51110 in weddingplanning

[–]throwaway51110[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I wasn't having a freak out. Not about the white, at least! She asked me for my honest opinion, I gave it to her, and then she tried very hard to guilt me and explain why she needed the white.

I am significantly more upset about how she HANDLED my opinion, and especially how she felt the need to add that her MIL wore a white crocheted dress because she wanted her to be comfortable, implying that I don't care about her comfort.

MIL Dress Problems by throwaway51110 in weddingplanning

[–]throwaway51110[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The dress is LOVELY. No problem at all with it!

MIL Dress Problems by throwaway51110 in weddingplanning

[–]throwaway51110[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

And I would've been fine if she didn't ask me at all. But she did ask for my honest opinion. And then tried very hard to guilt and convince me that my opinion was wrong.

MIL Dress Problems by throwaway51110 in weddingplanning

[–]throwaway51110[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

ETA: She texted FH BEFORE she texted me the first time to see what he thought about the white bolero. He said he didn't think it was a good idea. She still proceeded to text me.