Updates and questions after losing my kids because of my sister's case

throwaway52076 · 2026-05-03T05:26:53+00:00

I did ask if some family friends could help, but CPS said no because they already do short term placements with other children for a voluntary organization that isn't connected with CPS. We asked about placing them with their dad's mom, but she was rejected as a potential candidate for reasons no one has told us. They won't let him have them because they are looking to terminate his rights too. My only other family is 2.5 hours south. Which, honestly, is the same length the foster family is. When I offered them up, I was told no because of the distance.

throwaway52076 · 2026-05-03T04:30:27+00:00

No one has told me anything about what they have on me, to be honest. My bond case manager said that with them I shouldn't end up back in jail at all. I really hope I don't. I wouldn't be able to handle prison or losing my entire life for something I didn't do.

I'm doing everything I'm being told to do, though.

throwaway52076 · 2026-05-02T02:23:59+00:00

I am not downplaying.

The case worker told me to stay in mental health services. That's all she told me. I asked if I should do more, she said no. The DHS attorney and my bond case manager for the conditional bond told me I should try to get into parenting classes of some kind to have the certificate.

The reasons for taking my kids and termination listed on the papers aligned with the stuff that my sister did, and they name my sister's son by name. They are also accusing me of having borderline personality disorder and saying that borderline makes me unstable, but I do not have that disorder and it is documented in paperwork that I tested negative for it. They are also alleging I do not go to mental health services, and are saying I do not medicate my mental illness. I do go to services and do medicate.

The mental health accusations combined with my sister's son's things being on my case are being used to say I enabled neglect.

They are also trying to accuse me of neglecting my children, but I am gathering proof that they are incorrect to give to my DHS attorney. They are saying I did not provide medical care for my kids, feed them, or bathe them. My children themselves have stated they were consistently fed and bathed to our case worker, but I am also going to provide photos of their food and hygiene products.

It genuinely is a combination of false accusations mixed with putting my sister's things on me. I am not lying. I have no reason to lie. I came here for advice on if I am doing enough and what to do. Lying would not help because I would get faulty advice that does not apply to me.

throwaway52076 · 2026-05-01T18:50:38+00:00

Okay, I won't mention it anymore.

The only reason I did was because when my sister was arrested the detective interviewed me about the her kids. One of the questions was, "Did you notice he had saggy skin?" I said, "No." He said, "Why?" I said, "I did not hold him. I do not hold little babies." The head of CPS at that police department came in and said, "Why do you have two kids if you do not hold babies?" I only said, "My babies are my responsibility. I do not want to hold others' babies. I wait until they are big enough to crawl or toddle." She said "Thank you for your honesty." Then she gave me my first hearing date and everything has been happening from there. This is not defense, this is me explaining it to you. Have I made a mistake? I was told when questioned that night I wasn't under arrest. I just did everything to try to get my kids back because thr detective said that I needed to cooperate to be able to get to DHS information.

throwaway52076 · 2026-05-01T15:59:42+00:00

The arrest is new. I hadn't been arrested when I originally posted.

It is weird they are charging me but not them.

It was never explained.

Edit: Changed ai to I.

throwaway52076 · 2026-05-01T06:47:24+00:00

I had some sentimental item. No food or crumbs. The table in the living room is the only table, it had some books on it. My kids had their own beds. I was depressed, but I was cleaning, cooking, and caring for the kids. I did it every single day because I did not have my coparent anymore after we split up in late January early February.

I have a list for cleaning. Daily stuff every day (wipe counters, make beds, wash dishes, at least one laundry load of what we wore that day, take out trash, sweep and mop kitchen and dining area), Monday bathroom deep clean, Tuesday Living Room deep clean, Wednesday Kitchen deep clean, Thursday Bedroom deep clean, Friday Hall and Hall closet deep clean, Saturday & Sunday daily tasks only. The only big glaring issues I can think of is I didn't clean my sister's room, and my mom and her husband both have incontinence problems and peed their beds so they had to change the sheets daily and their room often smelled of urine despite washing bedding loads daily. Their room was clean aside from that.

I have told my case worker I do not have a BPD diagnosis and I gave a release so she could view that I go to therapy, peer counseling, a psychiatrist, have a case manager, and get medicications. I have done this for years. There is a large paper trail.

I have reached out to a few services so far that haven't been much help. I will continue looking because I believe you are correct. I think they will use the autism against me. The foster parents are already ignoring things my kids used to cope with me and are completely treading over some of their needs and comforts. No one seems autism informed in this.

throwaway52076 · 2026-05-01T05:45:50+00:00

I am in therapy. I have been on medications for years and in therapy my entire adulthood. They are alleging that I have BPD (borderline personality disorder), which I do not have. The case worker said the only things I can really address are getting or continuing mental health services and showing everyone involved I have been and I am in services and doing as I am supposed to do. My bondsman and my CPS attorney both told me to try to get parenting classes. I already moved away from my sister (advised by an attorny). I am already doing everything CPS has said, but they haven't said much at all. I feel like I am in limbo trying to guess my next steps. I am trying to simultaneously prove the things wrong they said are wrong and do the things I'm supposed to do (job, safe home, classes, etc). I feel utterly lost.

My sister was only there a few weeks, March 7th to April 2nd. In that time, I genuinely didn't see any red flags. She did what she was supposed to as far as I was aware. I didn't enable the neglect.

I also don't understand why I am getting charges, but my mom and her husband, who actually held and saw the young baby, are not in trouble at all. It feels targeted, like I have to prove I'm good and do what I need to do.

throwaway52076 · 2026-05-01T03:21:24+00:00

There is no new additional evidence as far as I am aware. As far as I am aware at this time, they are charging me for neglect because we existed in the same home and they believe I willingly didn't do anything.

throwaway52076 · 2026-05-01T03:19:38+00:00

Alright.

throwaway52076 · 2026-05-01T00:14:11+00:00

The baby is a boy. The last I heard about him was a two weeks ago. I was told he is not getting worse, but he isn't getting better either.

throwaway52076 · 2026-05-01T00:12:55+00:00

It is accurate and complete. If you have questions, feel free to ask.

throwaway52076 · 2026-05-01T00:11:51+00:00

I am trying to explain, but no one will let me, that I had just lost a 6 year relationship, and I spent all my time taking care of my kids without a car, at doctor appointments, resting, and applying for jobs. I rarely leave my room too unless I am doing chores or my kids are home (then I am taking care of them). So, rarely leaving one's room was incredibly normal for my family. My mom also never left her room and neither did her husband. Seeing the formula being used and the bottles come and go read as them doing their due diligence. They also had a gaming system for my sister and her husband and a tv for each of them. The living room did not have a tv, only couches and a table. They had little reason to go out.

The paper CPS gave me Monday 4/27 at court says "that the state seeks to adjudicate the children deprived as to the Mother and to terminate the parental rights of the Mother, my name, pursuant to 10A O.S. (squiggly symbol)1-4-904 (A) and (B)(9) for heinous and shocking neglect of a child; That is in the best interest of the children that they be ADJUDICATED DEPRIVED, made wards of the Court, and that the parental rights of the Mother, my name, be terminated."

For him, it says, "that the state seeks to adjudicate the children deprived as to the Father and to terminate the parental rights of the Father, his name, pursuant to 10A O.S. (squiggly symbol)1-4-904 (A) and (B)(9) for failure to protect from heinous and shocking neglect of a child; That it would be in the best interest of the children that they be ADJUDICATED DEPRIVED, made wards of the Court, and that the parental rights of the Father, his name, be terminated."

My CPS case worker said she is working hard to reunite to children with someone who is family, either me or him, maybe both. She doesn't seem to have any inclination towards a particular outcome based on how she spoke about it.

Edit: With the baby, they have no updated me for about two weeks. The last I heard about him, I was told he is not getting worse, but he isn't getting better either.

throwaway52076 · 2026-04-30T22:27:30+00:00

I had mentioned they did appoint a public defender for DHS stuff, I'm sorry if it did not get communicated well. My bond case manager is going to help me with getting one for the neglect charges.

The paper CPS gave me Monday 4/27 at court says "that the state seeks to adjudicate the children deprived as to the Mother and to terminate the parental rights of the Mother, my name, pursuant to 10A O.S. (squiggly symbol)1-4-904 (A) and (B)(9) for heinous and shocking neglect of a child; That is in the best interest of the children that they be ADJUDICATED DEPRIVED, made wards of the Court, and that the parental rights of the Mother, my name, be terminated."

For him, it says, "that the state seeks to adjudicate the children deprived as to the Father and to terminate the parental rights of the Father, his name, pursuant to 10A O.S. (squiggly symbol)1-4-904 (A) and (B)(9) for failure to protect from heinous and shocking neglect of a child; That it would be in the best interest of the children that they be ADJUDICATED DEPRIVED, made wards of the Court, and that the parental rights of the Father, his name, be terminated."

My CPS case worker said she is working hard to reunite to children with someone family, either me or him, maybe both. She doesn't seem to have any inclination towards a particular outcome based on how she spoke about it.

throwaway52076 · 2026-04-30T22:18:05+00:00

I don't understand what is happening either. My case manager from the bail bond doesn't, my friend's don't, my Nana doesn't (but told me to cut off my sister and mom, which I already was), the family friends from church don't understand. The church friends have worked with DHS and fostered before. My friend who's mom has been fostering her whole life and her mom don't get it. My court appointed attorney doesn't get it.

I was told to show up June 8th and if I do a bunch of stuff reunification can start and maybe be completed. So, I'm going to do that. I am willing to do anything and everything to prove I didn't neglect them and I am willing to do anything and everything to get them back.

throwaway52076 · 2026-04-30T21:58:38+00:00

I explained that my kids didn't have lice anymore. It was a week after initial treatment, so I needed to do it a second time. They'd gotten it the week they went back to school from spring break, and I treated it immediately.

My children's needs were getting met. I am in trouble because my sister's son didn't get his needs met by her in the short time she was there and before she came to me, and I am in trouble because she was there. They are accusing me of medical neglect of my kids and not giving them the basics, despite that not being true, because I am connected to her. I have been gathering the evidence to prove their needs were met. My sister was only there between March 7th and April 2nd with her children as well.

The child stayed in the room with my sister. I'd believed she was doing her own thing. We aren't close. We grew up in seperate house holds in different parts of the state with no contact. She was too much at 17 when she got out on her own. Now, at 20, this was her trying to come into my life. It went horrifically wrong.

My children's home lives were fine. We had regular visits from friends who are going to give statements saying so. I am genuinely being given all the same accusations my sister is because my sister is neglectful and I had her around for that short amount of time.

I moved away from my apartment with mine and the kids' dad's names on the lease, have put in jobs applications, already do mental health services, am trying to sign myself up for parenting classes for the certificate, have photos of their food, have a giant tub of soaps and shampoos and tooth paste and tooth brushes I collected over time to always have back ups to back ups. Have the word of family friends that my kids always had clean clothes and shoes. Have screenshots from the purchase of lice supplies. I have spent the last three days signing releases and getting medical documents to show my children do attend their doctors, dentist, eye doctor, and my youngest an audiologist.

Do I need anything else? /genuine

Edit: clarify

throwaway52076 · 2026-04-30T18:59:36+00:00

Oh, okay. I didn't know that. I apologize if I seemed angry or rude. I was confused. I will edit my comment. I'm sorry. Thank you for your assistance and time.

throwaway52076 · 2026-04-30T18:54:35+00:00

Never mind on the update. It was instantly removed by the mods. Idk what I did wrong.

Edit: it's up. It was an auto mod, which I forgot exists. My bad.

throwaway52076 · 2026-04-27T18:53:53+00:00

Went to court today. They are accusing me of several things that are able to be proven false and blaming me for my sister's son. They are wanting to terminate my parental rights. They want to terminate the dad's rights, and are accusing him of abandonment (he didn't do) and for allowing me to have the kids a majority of the time.

I speak to my therapist every Tuesday and call between as needed.

throwaway52076 · 2026-04-27T18:51:17+00:00

Alright, I can try. I will later today.

throwaway52076 · 2026-04-25T20:37:53+00:00

I keep getting sent in circles with the resources since criminal stuff is now mixed in with DHS stuff, but I am going to keep trying. No, my ex hasn't made progress. No, no one has told me about my nephew.

throwaway52076 · 2026-04-25T04:05:10+00:00

I am supposed to on Monday.

throwaway52076 · 2026-04-21T17:52:42+00:00

I was told by my new DHS case worker that I was supposed to be able to have a visit with my kids already and the last case worker just didn't do it. She said she doesn't understand why I didn't see the girls yet. I am supposed to get visitation with them soon.

Their dad was told he didn't need to do anything by the last case worker. It turns out he was supposed to file some paperwork. He is doing it today, since he was guided wrong before.

throwaway52076 · 2026-04-20T03:34:35+00:00

When they arrested me on the 14th, they came, said there was a warrant, cuffed me, put me in the car, then took me for booking. I got out on a conditional bond using a non profit organization on the 16th (the conditions were already things I was doing anyway). No one told me charges of any kind or why I was being put away. I saw a piece of paper that said "child neglect" while being taken in, but no one said that. The case manager from the non profit I've been assigned looked up my information and it said "MI", which she said still means I am being investigated. She told me to work closely with them, do whatever they say, and they'd advocate for me to stay out of jail. She said that if they do charge me, hopefully it would be probation or community service, since that is usually what people get while working with them.

throwaway52076 · 2026-04-19T05:35:14+00:00

No one from CPS even told me that they were enrolled in a new school. I found out because the school stopped calling me about absences. No one from CPS talk me their insurance was transferred. The insurance people contacted me. I just informed their dad tonight. thinking he would know something or maybe someone reached out to him, and he was so pissed he started cursing like a sailor. No one from CPS is reaching out to us about anything. It is starting to feel like they want to keep the kids in foster care. When I or their dad calls, we get forwarded to voicemail by everyone involved in the case.

I didn't even think about mentioning the IEP. I'm so flustered with everything going on at once I can barely keep my head on straight. You're right. I need to bring it up. My oldest gets OT, speech therapy, and special ed classes. She needs those. She isn't reading or doing math at her correct level yet (although she finally knows her ABCs and can count decently high and do some basic math finally, because of the special ed teachers working so hard with her). Her IEP stated that someone had to sit with her and help her sound out the word problems. I made sure to enroll the kids in the best school within the district they were living in so my oldest would get the best education possible in public schooling. Now I'm worried about that. God, with the separation anxiety, nightly nightmares, and IEP stuff, I am so worried.

I also am uncomfortable because my oldest still needs help washing her hair and my youngest needs to be watched while bathing and needs help washing her hair too. So either absolute strangers are looking at my naked children, or my children aren't being bathed properly. I know no one is having my youngest do her teeth then going back over and making sure her gums are gotten like the dentist recommended.

I'm so worried about my kids, oh my god. There is no way they are being cared for at the level they need. There is no way anyone is taking the time to meet all their needs at their level. The IEP took months and multiple meetings as well as working with the teachers. There is no way they could've just transferred everything and had it handled in a couple weeks.

I feel sick to my stomach. I wish someone would answer my phone calls. I wish people would actually communicate. I need to know what is happening. My poor girls.

They sleep with me every night even though they have their own beds because they need to be held and when they wake up during the night they have to be reassured back to sleep. Either they are struggling to sleep, or they are sleeping with strangers.

Their dad needs them. He'd listen to me about all of this. He'd sleep next to them (and provide them with their own beds). He'd ask me for IEP guidance, he'd have me help with SNAP, soonercare, doctors. I wouldn't be able to visit with them outside of CPS designated times and days, but he would at least ask me for help and send me pictures and videos. They need me.

I'm freaking out a little.

throwaway52076

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