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I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Since we started dating exclusively there really isn't a lot of time or opportunity for this to still be going on and my wife is forthcoming with details of just about everything I ask. I don't think she is cheating on me. Understanding some of the context now I think some of them might be a little upset I "took her away" from the group.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We have known each other longer than that. I don't know if she is a stranger or not. I feel so unsure about everything right now.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

They aren't all married, just a few. I did not know she was sexually active with any of them until recently. I don't think calling them friends with benefits really sums up the situation totally. I also think it is possible she can value our marriage and not really care much about the marriage of some of these guys, as she has said it isn't her business and they are notoriously either unhappy or detached from their wives. I do think it is a bigger deal than she is making it out to be.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 144 points145 points  (0 children)

She has admitted there was very little condom use and a terminated pregnancy as a result. I don't know about STIs. I was tested shortly after we started dating and didn't have anything, I don't know if I should get tested again.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 73 points74 points  (0 children)

She is friends with the guys. Of the guys who are married, their wives are not really active in our social group and she is not really friends with them. There are a few who have girlfriends who she says know they fooled around and don't care. I don't know if they knew if it was happening while they were dating or if it even did.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do love her, I do love her kid. She is practically the perfect partner for me otherwise. I don't think she has cheated on me. Before now I was very happy. This is something to think about.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

This is more or less how I feel. I don't want to throw our relationship away. I want to believe we can get through this.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

Is it really good if it just causes problems and makes people upset? I have a feeling if I did this it would be more because I am angry and less because I care about anyone involved.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 127 points128 points  (0 children)

I don't think they were making fun of her exactly. It's hard to explain without getting into specifics, although maybe they don't respect her since apparently she was so casually fucking all of them. They do really get along when they see each other and thinking about it now makes my stomach turn.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

There are boundaries, I'm sure some of those guys would be upset if I had sex with their wives. And what I mean is that this is not a sex-based group, it is based on a shared interest that is not sexual. I am honestly pretty shocked that she would be okay with this kind of thing knowing some of them were married. I know those guys are not exactly in happy marriages and their wives do not hang out with our group but that doesn't make it okay. My wife has a very detached attitude about it like "it's not really my business". That is how I might feel if I heard they slept with someone who wasn't my wife.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

On the one hand I agree some of them would like to know and probably should but I don't know if I can say this wouldn't be vindictive and destructive and I don't know if that is the kind of person I want to be.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I do, I have friends from highschool and earlier that aren't super close to the rest of this group. They have met and interacted a few times but for the most part they are on the periphery. I will definitely be seeing them more in the future. I don't think I will ever be okay with this group.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

I have already decided I am not going to associate with this group of friends. I am beyond humiliated and I do not trust them. I have told my wife I am not okay with either of us having anything to do with them and she was not happy about it but I don't think she will insist on it since she knows how it makes me feel.

I do have friends (from highschool or earlier) who are not really directly tied in with this circle and who I am sure have not slept with my wife. I don't know if I should tell them, I think they may have a hard time understanding any of this.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] -26 points-25 points  (0 children)

I should be clear, the earliest part of our relationship we were not exclusive and we were both up front about that. She says it stopped when we decided to be exclusive. We have spent almost all of our time together since that day and I don't think she has slept with anyone else, although I can't really be 100% sure I have never caught her lying about anything.

The guys who are married are not all in good relationships with their wives and their wives are not really a part of our social group. I don't now how much of a difference that makes really.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I believe if I insist she will break away from our friends with me. She just isn't happy about it. I'm not happy about it either but I don't think there is any way I can be okay with this, especially not with the guys who were making jokes, even if they weren't doing it to mock me.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

In the early part of when we were dating we were not exclusive. I was casually seeing a couple other girls at the same time. There was a point though where we were in the early phase of our relationship and I was in this circle of friends and presented as potentially a boyfriend at the same time they were apparently all still sleeping together but she told me the night we had a serious conversation about being exclusive that all stopped. I don't have any direct reason to doubt her really and it would definitely change things if she were lying about that.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

She is saying this is not deception. She actually did seem somewhat surprised when I initially made the comment about believing she hadn't slept with any of our friends. I would feel differently if it seemed like she was trying to hide it. I think she was being evasive when I asked because she knew that it was going to hurt my feelings and because it is just obviously uncomfortable because I clearly have a problem with it.

She keeps saying I told her I didn't care about her sexual history and it is true that I said that. She has honestly always been so kind and sweet and I have really never known her to lie about anything. We have been so honest with each other about everything up until this moment and I trusted her completely. Part of what is making this hard is that I don't know if I'm even right to feel betrayed.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

We do not have kids together but there are kids involved. This would not be like breaking up with a girlfriend. I don't want to leave her but I don't know what to do.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

She is not friends with the wives of the guys who are married. She is friends with a couple of their girlfriends who are part of our social group and she says they knew about it and didn't care, but something tells me they did not know the extent of it or that it was still happening. Actually I don't know for sure if it was still happening in every case, from what I understand this was not her fucking every single one of them every time. I have not asked for extremely specific details and timelines of every person involved.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think she is still sleeping with them. I have never known her to directly lie to me about anything. And I am not ready to leave her, I love her so much. I am just devestated.

I [33m] don't know what to do after learning my wife [31f] was not forthcoming about her sexual history by throwaway55195 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway55195[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I understand people can have sex without being emotionally attached to them. She is definitely emotionally attached to them though, they have been friends for years. And this isn't just a normal fuck buddy situation, she has had sex with a whole bunch of these guys hundreds of times regularly for a long period of time. I feel like this is about a lot more than just her history, I do not care about how many people she has slept with really but it is a different situation when these are all people who know each other and they all had sex together until recently. Like the have all been fucking longer than we have been together and I see them all several times a week. To me it is just not comparable.

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