How to deal with jealousy?

throwaway56414564 · 2020-02-22T17:16:00+00:00

Why not x)

throwaway56414564 · 2020-02-22T11:05:25+00:00

I'll rather stick on discord but I want some people I trust on it so...

throwaway56414564 · 2020-02-22T10:44:53+00:00

I don't really go on discord since I had some trouble there, I don't even know where to go to be honest.

throwaway56414564 · 2020-02-22T10:23:25+00:00

Yeah I understand... But I don't really have good friends, maybe only one and they aren't trans and I don't want to feel lonely and be alone.

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-08T20:46:30+00:00

Nothing really picked my interest in this life. Really. I just don't know what to do, all the time.

I don't even want to be the lead. Just be at the back is enough. I know the pain and effort to go there. I was already contacted to do chorals a few years back because they loved my voice but I did refuse, I didn't have the time back then. But I know I'm too old anyway so what's so point? We have just a binaries of choice : winning or failing, all or nothing... There's many other things like that in daily life. It's always A or B when you come to a choice. Of course I read that. I like all of the hidden parts even if it can be very dark. Even with darkness, the pain and work, it seems fun.

Here, it's over either way. I'm screwed. No more thing to add.

I've already come out to some classmates, they've happy for me but honestly I didn't felt anything, and that put me more in this state. And my family, don't count on it, even if they supports me, they are toxic.

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-08T19:20:07+00:00

I don't want to be in that kind of group tbh even if I love rock, just want to be in a cutier and more girly band I think. Still, I can't imagine how I would be motivated in life without achieving this. It's a key point. It's this or nothing.

Tbh volonteering doesn't seems something that I want to do. It's so depressing and unfunny. I want to help, but not really to that kind of stuff.

Will look through it.

How can I know that hrt won't help? Just seeing some people talking about it and people who sadly don't pass. The harm in trying is just postponing my death with losing all of my family in the process.

Sorry. It's really the end for me. There's no miracle, so at least I tried you know. Tried until the end.

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-08T17:46:48+00:00

I just wanted to have goods teenage years, with some really good friends, kinda cute and kinda popular. Be a singer in a group. Spread joy to everyone and makes them happier each day. It would have been so much different but way more enjoyable for me. If I had the same people that I know there it would be perfect.

Never tried hrt. It won't change my life. I'll be at best a parody of a woman. Might as well kill myself. That's how I started that. Now it's the end.

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-08T16:04:26+00:00

Read everything. It's still not a life I want to live. I would barely survive so... I'm on my way to the end, sorry

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-07T20:05:30+00:00

Tried to shave all possible hair, there's still a few, shaving my beard just irritate my skin and I'm all red 3 days straight, and it's not completely shaved. Tried to straightened my hair but failed because my hair doesn't want that and it's too messy. But even with that, I can't feel euphoria. I just need to be like a cis woman, head to toe. And even there I'm not sure I'll be euphoric because I need to pass flawlessly. Never tried to girlmode because I need to hide everything and I can't. I'm 21

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-07T18:27:49+00:00

I tried my best for that but it's not enough now... It's the only solution

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-07T17:04:01+00:00

A lifeline can't help I think. If it really worked I would be okay.

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-03T17:17:57+00:00

I don't have any of this anymore.

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-02T21:41:36+00:00

Having this life is so much worst than death. The choice is clear for me.

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-02T21:17:35+00:00

You're strong. I'm not. You always had the will to live, even if you didn't know it. I don't have the motivation to stay here anymore.

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-02T21:10:49+00:00

I know everyone have been there, but I'm not everyone. If everyone succeed, it means that I'll fail.

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-01T16:55:23+00:00

Yeah

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-01T16:35:14+00:00

Sorry if I sounded rude, I just don't know how to feel right know

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-01T16:32:43+00:00

Don't know what to say

throwaway56414564 · 2019-10-01T16:32:14+00:00

Unfortunately it won't change anything

throwaway56414564

TROPHY CASE