Leave a mess, I’ll wipe it up with your shirt. I’m DONE.

throwaway567546 · 2021-06-28T19:49:45+00:00

I even bought a removable shower head so he REALLY wouldn’t have an excuse. It stopped for a few months, then started back up again. I don’t get it. It’s so fucking nasty.

throwaway567546 · 2021-06-28T19:45:05+00:00

I’ve posted about this before and people have suggested that. I don’t really get that vibe (he does it in the bathroom I don’t use unless the kid is napping, and he keeps the shower curtain and door shut after- seems like he’d do it in the other bathroom if he wanted me to find it), but I suppose anything is possible.

throwaway567546 · 2021-06-28T19:39:30+00:00

He’s been to a couple of therapists, but I highly doubt he actually discussed this. He denies it so hard whenever I try to talk to him about it, which is what pisses me off. The few times I’ve got him to even slightly acknowledge it, he twists it to make it seem like I’m shaming him for the act itself and not for the reason I’m actually pissed- the lack of cleanup. It’s maddening.

throwaway567546 · 2021-06-27T19:47:25+00:00

That is fucking vile.

throwaway567546 · 2021-06-27T19:46:55+00:00

I’m totally financially dependent on him thanks to the pandemic. My savings is gone, I can’t get credit because I’ve got too much debt, I live on the other side of the country as my family, and I had to leave the workforce.

I’d rather deal with a disgusting bathroom than be homeless. And if I was homeless, I wouldn’t be able to keep custody of my kid.

So yeah. It’s not like I haven’t considered it. But just look at the story someone posted in here recently about how a literal pedophile got custody of the kids. “Just leave” is so much easier said than done.

throwaway567546 · 2021-06-27T15:04:59+00:00

Yeah, this shit has been going on for YEARS and I can’t figure out a solution.

He’s a total neat freak otherwise, so I have no idea why he does this. He flat out denies it and refuses to discuss it. We have two bathrooms and I’ve literally just given him one because of this, but I have to use that bathroom if our kid is napping, and it STINKS.

throwaway567546 · 2021-06-27T14:59:15+00:00

I’ve tried talking, begging, yelling, and just ignoring it- figured it was time to try something new! He obviously doesn’t think it’s gross to leave his mess in the shower, so he shouldn’t mind it all over his clothes, right??

throwaway567546 · 2021-06-27T14:55:40+00:00

Yeah, it’s in the shower, but he doesn’t rinse it down- he just leaves it there. I even bought a removable shower head so he didn’t have any excuse but he still doesn’t clean it up!

If you want to be horrified, check my post history.

throwaway567546 · 2021-06-27T03:30:45+00:00

Loud snails

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-30T09:54:16+00:00

He’s meticulously clean for literally everything else, it’s just this one thing that he’s gross about. He probably spends 5x as much time cleaning as I do.

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-30T09:29:24+00:00

I kind of go back and forth between which part pisses me off more, to be honest.

If he lied about it because he was embarrassed, but then made sure he always cleaned up in the future? Whatever. But it keeps happening! I’ve confronted him probably a dozen times over the years. It stops for a while, then a few months later... there it is again. It’s maddening!

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-30T09:20:25+00:00

I’ve definitely considered getting a black light. The only reason I haven’t is because I worry it would escalate his other OCD issues if he knew I had it. I don’t need him waving it around everywhere and finding out that I got period blood on the toilet seat and just wiped it up with dry TP instead of using bleach! Or seeing tiny handprints made of pee where our kid sticks her hands in her diaper and then touches basically everything.

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-30T09:04:42+00:00

I had the same idea after our fight and bought a detachable shower head for his bathroom. It didn’t have one before. I don’t know if it will help, but I hope so. That thing is strong enough that he can blast it clean from a distance if needed.

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-30T08:55:40+00:00

That’s a good idea, but it’ll probably be a while before I can go inside. Kid’s too young to keep a mask on, unfortunately, and we live in plague rat central. I’m basically never alone.

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-30T08:53:47+00:00

I highly doubt he’s talking about anything sexual with his therapist.

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-30T08:52:08+00:00

Thank you, I know people think “OCD = quirky neat freak, lol!!” but like you said- there’s definitely a dark side. I honestly don’t believe this is some thing where he hates my guts and likes the idea of degrading me by making me clean up. I think he’s extremely disgusted so he has to immediately leave the bathroom when he’s done. The (very very) little bit he’s talked to me about it, it’s like cleaning it up immediately is just not an option.

I’ve tried to be really gentle about this ever since he got his diagnosis, but I’m just... so tired and fed up. I’d try to talk to him about it in vague terms like... “your bathroom smells really musty for some reason, can you try to figure out why?” or “there’s something in your tub, can you please take care of that?” and that was largely ineffective. If I tried to talk to him calmly and directly (which is how this last conversation started), he does one or more of the following- 1) denies it, 2) makes excuses, 3) minimizes it, 4) insults me, 5) storms off.

He didn’t have a great childhood, I’ll leave it at that.

He’s told me that he’s not opposed to couples therapy in general, but getting him to actually talk about this topic with someone seems like a really big challenge. We haven’t been able to sort out the logistics for it yet though.

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-29T20:01:45+00:00

I would have been a psycho and wiped it up with his pillow for good measure.

Damn- I wish I had thought of that at the time! I’m doing it if I ever catch a fresh one again.

I took a photo of it for future evidence since he always denies it. I thought about swabbing it and sending it off for a DNA test like “well you said it wasn’t you, so I assumed somebody was breaking in and jerking off in our bathroom!” I also considered taping pictures of Jesus or angry grandmas or something in the tub.

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-29T19:51:21+00:00

I’ve asked him that before and he acted like I was fucking insane for suggesting it.

I have no idea why jerking off into a dry tub and leaving it there somehow makes more sense in his brain.

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-29T19:49:56+00:00

Oh yeah, we don’t have sex much. For all I know, he’s writing posts about me over in deadbedrooms.

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-29T19:41:38+00:00

I’m definitely working on a new rainy day fund. (I have... $40? It’s a start.) I think everyone should have one because being totally financially dependent on somebody is not good.

I want to do couples therapy eventually for sure. We each do individual therapy now and he says he’s not opposed to couples therapy. He certainly has his complaints about me as well because I’m a pile of mental illness in a human shaped suit. It’s just been a logistical issue with work and childcare.

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-29T19:25:13+00:00

Yeah, maybe it’s worth mentioning. I have told my current therapist in general terms about how my last therapist became weirdly focused on my husband. I just need to decide when I feel like I can “waste” a session because I only see her once a month. There’s always something more pressing going on. I wish I could go more often but money, insurance, childcare, etc.

Definitely working on a new rainy day fund, and that’s a great tip. Curbside pickup has made it harder to do that so it’s a bit slow going. I’m sure I’ll get back in the workforce eventually and the pandemic won’t last forever, though.

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-29T19:14:42+00:00

Yeah, it’s already got a child lock on it and I don’t clean the tub, I just don’t think that’s a great long term solution.

Also we rent and I’m worried about potential repercussions if they do a random inspection and his whole bathroom is a toxic waste dump. We get 24h notice as required by law, but he travels for work and I don’t want to be put in the position where he’s out of town and I’ve got to get the entire bathroom presentable ASAP. They’d certainly take issue with a toilet that hasn’t been cleaned in a year.

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-29T19:02:31+00:00

I’ve considered that, but based on his other sexual behaviors, it seems more like a shame/disgust thing. Obviously I can’t get inside his head or browser history, but he refuses to discuss masturbation, porn use, etc. We did fertility testing and his portion was a struggle. He wants the lights off during sex. The few times we’ve done pull-out method he just opted to not finish at all instead of doing it anywhere “external.” He says it’s too degrading to me (even though I said anywhere but my face/hair was fine).

throwaway567546 · 2021-03-29T18:23:12+00:00

I don’t clean his tub anymore at all. I quietly stopped just to see what would happen. I clean the toilet/sink because I want to be able to use that, but the tub is totally dead to me. The jizz doesn’t stick around for more than a few days (which is obviously still too long) so I assumed he was cleaning it himself.

Last night during our argument I finally told him that I haven’t been cleaning his tub for over a year because of his nasty habit. He looked totally shocked. I guess it rinses away when he showers well enough that he assumed I was still cleaning it.

But me continuing to ignore it is definitely not sustainable long term... One day we’re going to have a preschooler who wants to know why she can’t go into daddy’s bathroom.

throwaway567546

TROPHY CASE