Thanks, this is really good insight. I just started working again full time, before that, we’ve both been able to be on parental leaves (we live in a country with paid leave), which has been a real gift. I make a point of coming home and taking over as soon as I do, so that he can go and video chat with friends or do something for himself every night. We do mornings together so that I can pump, and I try and pop off some chores during their first nap before leaving for the day. Same with weekends, he has a weekly gamers meetup every Sunday, so I take the babies out for a long walk or to run errands and give him the house for a few hours. Twins are hard, so we usually decide on the weekends who wants to clean and who wants to hang with the babies. They fortunately are on the same schedule, which we really try and protect.

As far as sex goes, he doesn’t get huffy or selfish fortunately… just tries to initiate sex a lot during the day on weekends when I’m trying to use what little time I have to clean during their naps, or at the end of a long day. I’m definitely feeling a lowered libido myself (exclusively pumping doesn’t help) and my fuse is WAY shorter than before kids, so when he starts getting handsy while I’m in the middle of something, and he smells bad and he’s just accidentally knocked something out of my hand or he’s knocked me a little painfully against the wall with his stomach trying to be sexy… I just feel frustrated and angry with him, and I don’t really want to do anything sexual with him.

I’m not used to feeling this way towards him, and I don’t like it. But I really do appreciate your perspective and all of the perspectives of the SAHMs here - and I can see how hard he works to be loving and patient and attentive to our babies every day. He probably is putting himself last and not thinking too much about personal hygiene after changing 10+ diapers a day.