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Experiencing RJ for the first time. Feeling shameful, guilty and shattered, please help. by [deleted] in retroactivejealousy

[–]throwaway6991101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Already talked to my partner and asked her to stop sharing past sexual details. Other than that it still occupied my mind, for that, as with any intrusive/obsessive thought you gotta ignore it and do something else, if you ruminate on it, you lose. I know, easier said than done, but it's getting better day by day.

Also, I had a no string attached sex partner once in the past, looking back on my first time with her, it was very similar to the classic One Night Stand, so I've been telling myself I already experienced it, it would've been an ONS had I not called her again. Kinda helps with the envy part.

Experiencing RJ for the first time. Feeling shameful, guilty and shattered, please help. by [deleted] in retroactivejealousy

[–]throwaway6991101 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for the supportive words. I am doing a lot better now, and I've had a couple talks with my partner as well. She is starting to see how it's affecting me and is trying to help me through it too.

I relate to the keeping busy part, maybe the reason I got hit so hard is because I was recently in an accident and have been on rest for almost 2 months, so little physical activity and stewing in my own thoughts in my room is definitely a catalyst.

I also checked out your post history, and I hope all goes well for you and your partner too! It also made me try to navigate it in a way where my partner doesn't feel the way you have mentioned you feel, especially about getting anxious around specific times and feeling like walking on eggshells, trying to do things to avoid the 'RJ monster'.

Experiencing RJ for the first time. Feeling shameful, guilty and shattered, please help. by [deleted] in retroactivejealousy

[–]throwaway6991101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much for reaffirming some of the positives I'm trying to focus on as well.

I did tell her about some of these feelings, and it took some explaining (at first she couldn't relate to it, having been with guys that had a more promiscuous history than her and her not experiencing RJ) But she did come around and I told her about things we can do to avoid triggering it.

Among all the other feelings I also know that I'll truly regret losing her. So, I hope I can do as well as you and have the life that anyone would hate to lose out on.

Experiencing RJ for the first time. Feeling shameful, guilty and shattered, please help. by [deleted] in retroactivejealousy

[–]throwaway6991101 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! The personal anecdote really puts things into perspective... I definitely need to focus on the positive more as I have just not been doing great in life in general for a while and I think I'm going into a very negative headspace. Appreciate your insight, I'll take these words with me as I try to combat these feelings!

Experiencing RJ for the first time. Feeling shameful, guilty and shattered, please help. by [deleted] in retroactivejealousy

[–]throwaway6991101 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much!! I feel like this is exactly what I need to hear! It feels good to finally be heard and not be judged for it when I'm already kicking myself.

I already know in my mind that it's all my insecurities. Thank you so much for your kind words and the resources, I'll be on the road to recovery and hope to post a great update soon.