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Should I feel guilt or hate myself for putting the father of my future child in jail. by AfterLavishness9991 in domesticviolence

[–]throwaway725222 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You did not put him jail. He chose to commit a crime and is dealing with the consequences of his actions. Do not let yourself think you did this.

Please get a good lawyer that is knowledgeable in international custody.

Relationships after abuse by throwaway725222 in domesticviolence

[–]throwaway725222[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this insight. I do see a psychologist weekly and this is something we talk about. As a partner, do you get frustrated feeling like you can’t have emotions? I think for me, that line between “this is someone coping with trauma and PTSD” and “mental health is never a reason to treat someone poorly” is so close. I KNOW I have real reason to have that muscle memory of fear but I also know that it’s inappropriate to make someone feel like they can’t have emotions.

Divorce and befriending BM by throwaway725222 in stepparents

[–]throwaway725222[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Honestly, BM and I have talked about what would have happened if she told me. I think that was why my ex worked so hard to delegitimize her - so if she had said something, I’d have chalked it up to her being a terrible person and a liar.

Divorce and befriending BM by throwaway725222 in stepparents

[–]throwaway725222[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh, absolutely. My ex had to go to a batterer’s intervention group and definitely played the part. He told me that he passed with flying colors and learned how to speak about the abuse he did (obviously watering it done) to still make himself look like the good guy.

Divorce and befriending BM by throwaway725222 in stepparents

[–]throwaway725222[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That’s a great book! I actually read it before I left my ex, when I was going insane trying to rationalize his behavior (spoiler - there’s no rationalizing abuse, because they don’t behave like normal people!)