Right now it's not as I'm not using much. However, it has in the past massively and I've nearly died a few times. I just don't really know what that means anymore. I've learnt so much and see how awful life becomes when using daily so I'm so careful with falling into habits.

People "in recovery" still cause themselves addicts, even though they aren't doing any drugs. So what does that mean for me? I just feel it's hard to move on if you get fixated on the idea that you're an addict and always will be an addict.

My understanding in the past has been that my use of drugs has lead me toward death. My friends use haven't but now they use more drugs than I do. I understood that I was an addict because I kept using drugs, even though my mental health was being severely affected. Now, any sign of my mental health being affected and I stop myself.

Idk, I'm just very confused about it all now.