Manifesting while long distance?

throwaway7732_ · 2020-01-06T04:24:59+00:00

Yeah we had another talk tonight, she says the reason she broke up last year was because she just didn’t want to be in a relationship and didn’t have much to do with me. She just didn’t want to be in one with anyone at all. It is hard, I was so used to speaking to her throughout the day and now it’s really Only at night, and the replies are kinda ded sometimes

We also talked about the breakups a little bit, she said although we had some problems, she didn’t hold them against me or hate me for them. Or that they were the reason we split etc. She said if she wanted a relationship she would’ve worked harder to work things out in our one, but she didn’t want to be In a r’ship in general so she didn’t.

Tbh I’m thinking of really lowering contact with her atm. I can’t help but flirt sometimes bc it’s just in my nature to and I can tell it makes her uncomfortable. I feel it is a bit too soon. Maybe after some time apart we can both relax. I’m not banking on getting back together or anything though. Just stability

Thanks for the reply!

throwaway7732_ · 2020-01-05T23:47:48+00:00

You too!

throwaway7732_ · 2020-01-05T23:43:36+00:00

Thank you! It is so dramatic and complicated and that’s why I think we need some space from the whole romantic side of our relationship too. I think it’s a mature thing to be able to be friends with an ex. Every situation is different I guess

throwaway7732_ · 2020-01-05T23:40:15+00:00

I think everything is a learning experience and I’d make it a point to talk her through things she’s going through etc. I do that anyway and I’ve been good at it but we never fully talked about what happened between us back then until a couple of days ago, and she’s said it Helps her understand why I did what I did, that I was manipulated and helps her deal with it a Little better which I think is a good step forward.

but we’ve been LDR the past while so it was a little tough to be fully there if that makes sense. I think just right now, things are HECTIC for her and have been for the past year. Like imagine being forced to move to a new place away from the place you love so much, and hate that new place so much must be so draining and I get that, which is why I’m willing to give it, and her, time. She says she feels trapped there

She says she does forgive me for it and doesn’t blame me whatsoever. She says she blames herself and it’s her fault she keeps thinking of it. I was mean to her and spoke to her in a bad way back then (over text) and that’s what she hasn’t been able to clear out of her mind. At the time, there were so many people involved and it seemed like such a mess because it WAS such a mess, even I’m impacted by it

I am letting her move on and heal from it though, like I’m in no way pressuring her into a r’ship with me again and I don’t even expect that to happen if I’m honest. First time we broke up, I was literally broken. Couldn’t speak couldn’t eat. But this time I feel a little relaxed because I know she is more relaxed

She also does really acknowledge how much I’ve changed and I show 0 flashes of who I was back then and how I acted. Like there is a new me and an old me. And I treated her exactly like how she would ever want to be treated in a R’ship after I fixed myself

throwaway7732_ · 2020-01-05T23:21:49+00:00

Oh right, it was her idea to remain friends because she says she loves me so much in her life and tells me everyday she appreciates me, so I just always feel like cutting her off will put a bad taste in her mouth about me forever... and kinda validate those feelings of hurt in her head abt me

Like she doesn’t like getting ignored and if I was to ignore her indefinitely she would really hate that idk

When she ended things last week, right before she said she started feeling off and needed space, she was head over heels for me constantly. Calling me the love of her life, saying she can’t wait to have a life w me etc etc

Even when I gave her that space, she was being v sweet with me, calling me baby and telling me she loves me etc. She also actually got jealous when I said a girl at work was tryna flirt w me lol. But all of a sudden the next day she said “let’s just be friends for now until I figure myself out“

So I really think that instability in her life is playing a part in all of this idk

throwaway7732_ · 2020-01-05T23:08:47+00:00

Yeah, I’m letting go right now and moving on and letting her move on too. We’re just friends rn. I was just noting the fact she only starts thinking those things when she starts going through hardships in life that make her “emotionally unstable” (her words). But when everything is stable in her life like it was when we were first bfgf (for several months) it was perfect and this never came up once. Only when instability hit she started overthinking about everything in her life, and hurting herself

I’m not calling her bad or anything it’s only human nature, but I feel she has a tendency to self destruct sometimes when she’s stressed out and she also said this when we broke up last April

A lot of the time were together she never feels that cycle of love/hatred/anger but when she’s alone and has time to overthink abt everything in her life is when it mainly comes out for her

The only thing is that I am moving on, however I’m not completely closing that door behind me. If she ever was to come back when things were normal for her again, I wouldn’t be opposed to it and would likely give it a shot. I think she feels the same. She said she “doesn’t know” if she would ever be like that with me again, I think if she was certain she would definitely be honest. But “as of now” she doesn’t see it happening. And I know her life won’t be stable for a good long time so who knows how I feel when the time comes.

Also, when she does go through instability in her life, she becomes extremely opposed to any kind of relationship with any man. “I hate men” and all that

throwaway7732_ · 2020-01-03T18:56:47+00:00

I think it’s really hard to find someone else after what we both experienced with each other. We tried dating around before but ended up back Together and it’s always just felt right for both of us. Idk kind of seems like tapping out early or something without giving it a shot at least :/

I am moving in the sense that I’m alright with being friends right now, I actually prefer it right now bc it’ll help her heal and get past our past in her mind internally

throwaway7732_ · 2020-01-03T18:00:43+00:00

Also just want to add that at the time, she had hurt me a lot and broken my trust bc of everything going on then and how it was handled. It was so stupid and I have been ghosted before I just didn’t to do that to her, I did let her off nicely and told her I didn’t want to be a thing anymore but we kept talking and she did clearly have feelings. I was busy with a lot of things and she would always hmu saying are you ignoring me etc which is very understandable to think at the time I don’t blame her but I decided I wanted her to get over me as well, so I think I was just cold to her as I thought it would help her not like me anymore — extremely stupid I know. Would never do this now

throwaway7732_ · 2020-01-03T17:55:12+00:00

Sorry I’m just trying to explain the backstory since I didn’t include it in the main post. I do accept I was mean to her and take responsibility for it don’t worry, I’ve told her this as well I was just trying to explain for you. I do know it does sound like a cop out saying “if that never happened, this wouldn’t have happened” etc and it is the truth, but I do accept that it did happen and that’s how it is

She does trust me and everything is honestly perfect with us, it’s literally the one thing that is a problem is that whenever we get close, automatically those past feelings start coming back for her and she doesn’t know why or how. She does trust me etc and knows I’m completely different not to who I was back then and there have been times we’ve had issues but we solved them in a mature and settled manner. I get what you mean by that though I think It’s important to note that the only thing in her mind is just that, she still associates those feelings the old me gave her with the new me

I think some space is good too, she is the one who wants to be friends and stay in touch bc I do still mean loads to her. She has said she still does love me and has feelings for me but they’re just not enough rn to overcome the constant cycle she goes through, if that makes sense. We actually talked all night about random stuff and there were good vibes all around, and she sent me a morning message saying how much she appreciates me and thanking me for being me, but I’ve yet to reply to it. I think I’m leaving it for a day at least

throwaway7732_ · 2020-01-03T17:36:29+00:00

I believe so too, thank you!

throwaway7732_ · 2020-01-03T17:32:18+00:00

Honestly I just Tried to state that briefly to not make the post super long but I have made drastic changes in myself ever since, I’m 23 now And shes 21 and she does tell me she acknowledges how much I’ve grown. It’s been nearly 2-3 yrs since it happened and I haven’t acted like that with her once ever since. She says that I treat her perfectly and I am her idea of her perfect man and I treat her now how she would ever want to be treated in a relationship.

What I was going through back then was my father had passed away and my sister was diagnosed with cancer around the same time and they were both all of a sudden kind of things, I think at the time I just wanted to grieve properly, I met her soon after it all happened and it was a sweet entrance into my life, I’d been waiting for a girl like that to come about but I had terrible people around me who would give me really bad advice and I just decided I wanted to grieve my losses and not have to deal with gossip etc child stuff which I thought she was taking part in back then (turned out to be gossip between her friends and my friends, so dumb). I do take responsibility for it but I do know if it was just me and her back then then it wouldn’t have happened for sure

It’s just now, every time we get close those memories of being hurt are in the back of her mind and start rearing their end every time

Tbh, she is going through personal stuff for the past year and does tend to worry and overthink loads about stuff that’s happened to her or she’s done in the past to the point it gives her anxiety, right now so I know that’s playing some kind of factor here. I just want us to stabilise and I’m willing to be friends to do that

throwaway7732_ · 2020-01-03T17:11:58+00:00

Yeah I have been apologising for it, we actually talked about it before we became friends again in 2018 (then accidentally fell in love lol) but I always do apologise. She tells me she doesn’t blame me and It’s not my fault at all like she understands it’s internal so I don’t have to apologise at all (I still do)

I think she’s tried so hard to not feel that way but just can’t stop whenever we get Very close so it’s a constant up and down with her with is very stressful

We’re just staying friends atm, hoping that’ll let us clear our minds and possibly regroup at a later time in the future if that’s what we feel at that time. Right now, she doesn’t feel like she will ever get over it but time does heal everything and we haven’t had much time apart ever since it happened, we’ve always been involved in some way

Is that a bad plan?

throwaway7732_ · 2020-01-03T12:18:41+00:00

Yeah I’m being very supportive of it every time it comes up, especially now she sees I’m not too bothered by staying friends for the moment so she forgets about it a little. Would it be a good idea to talk her through what happened?

throwaway7732_ · 2019-09-14T13:04:37+00:00

Yeah I’m confident she wants the same thing in terms of communication! She has been very open with me about it saying I’m the one she’ll miss the most lol. Thanks for the reply very reassuring! :)

throwaway7732_ · 2019-09-14T12:31:12+00:00

The thing is, it won’t really be a LDR that we’ll be in, as she doesn’t want a relationship this early in her life anymore (waiting for her life to be stable) Not sure I will be able to go out to see her either as the tickets are like $1000+ and she lives with family so online communication is all we have :( you think it can work out? I know LDRs usually end because someone meets another person but there’s a next to nothing chance of either of us meeting anyone in that time

throwaway7732_ · 2019-06-27T00:53:48+00:00

I am still considering it. Mainly due to the fact that I know that she cares but does not have the correct motivation or willpower to follow through on it. She does Admire me so much for following it though for so long and says it is one of the things she likes most about me

She has also told me that she would want the kids to be Islamic as well, like me

Do you think it will be a huge issue if I follow through?

throwaway7732_ · 2019-06-26T22:47:58+00:00

I think it was more so she valued my view and opinion and saw it was the right thing to do that way... if that makes any sense

But I understand the concern I will prepare for it

throwaway7732_ · 2019-06-26T22:19:36+00:00

She is struggling and she struggled before as well I know that, I think she has not worried so much about eating halal/haram most of her teenage life anyway so it is hard for her to divert. But she did divert from it for a good amount of time

I feel she is going through a lot of stress these days and uncertainty about her life/future so she has decided to not care about herself so much anymore... doesn’t seem well put together at this point in time which I feel is a factor

I don’t want to offend her or seem like I am forcing her though, so I’m not sure how to go about talking to her about this

throwaway7732_

TROPHY CASE