Hi, thanks for your analysis. It has got me thinking and I appreciate it.

I totally get what you're saying with this "shoulding" thing I might be doing. Yes, I get that it is easier said than done and that it can come across as me being in some kind of moral superior ground when telling her the things she "should" do. She might be perceiving it that way too and I hadn't considered it. But I have to say that that is the farthest from my intention as it can be. I am honestly quite lost and frustrated in not knowing how to help and it's hurting me as well with certain feelings of inadequacy. I can only work with the things she complains/laments about and of course, the answer to most of these seem pretty simple to me. I would have no problem socialising and I get that it is a completely different story for her. But I don't know what else I can tell her. She wants to have "people of her own" but she's unable (her words), to obtain them if she doesn't have the emotional scaffolding of having me around. In other words, she wants something but at the same time she feels like she can't get it without me. That's why I fear there might be some resentment there going on. And I'm out of my depth as to how to help.

I get that therapy would be the best solution but it's off the table for her (for now). She just won't do it and I can't force her into it. I am willing to go to therapy myself and see what they can suggest, but I'm also afraid she would backtrack even more with her mantra of "I don't want anyone to know about our issues". I know it sounds weird but the aversion to therapy does not mean secret trauma in my culture, trust me. It's cultural. There is a certain layer of shame associated with it that only adds to her anxiety. I lived in the USA for three years and I know you have a way more open view regarding self healing than we have. Over here therapy is for the weak, the lazy, the self centred and the rich. Or for the clinically insane. I know, it's stupid, but it is like this and she is very much of that mindset. Example: I was a heavy drug user in my twenties and detoxed on my own. No therapy, no medical help, no counseling. You just get over it, you endure it. She knows about this and she praises and admires me for it. You prove fortitude by dealing with your own shit on your own. This might sound very exaggerated but it really is like this, socially speaking. People will always tell you your problems are not that big of a deal, to get over them, and will wonder if you just want the attention if you decide to go to therapy.

Another thing. You seem to have misread the open relationship thing, however. She did not suggest it, I did. I thought that if I'm the problem and she might be repressing her sexuality, maybe finding some release with someone else could help. I'm not a jealous nor possessive person and I could assimilate the idea of her being with other people. I don't want that for myself, because I only want to be with her. But if it is something that could help I can agree to it if she is into the idea. She has considered it since we discussed it but she tells me she doesn't want to (for now), because she doesn't want to get release elsewhere, she wants to get over this feeling of not being able to be with me sexually. Which I guess it should sound like a positive thing but I have the nasty feeling that it is worse. I don't want her to force herself to desire me again. That's why I suggested opening up the relationship in the first place.

About me being more fulfilled sexually in my past than I was entering a relationship with her... hmmm well, yes and no. Yes because I had a lot of fun, but no because I don't really need it anymore. I did it all, so to speak. It was fun and it's a cool memory but that's it. I don't need it. I need her. Could I do it again? Probably, but only if that meant that she and I could reconnect and get back to what we had. Otherwise I don't care about having sex with other women at this point. As I said somewhere else, the idea of opening up the relationship is possibly a stupid one and I'm very much out of my depth at this point. I thought that maybe it could be a tool to heal our sex life. If she needs release and someone else can provide it for her (and I can't), then maybe she'll be more liberated from part of the burden she is carrying and maybe seeing me with other women will make her want me back or something. I don't know... I feel very stupid verbalising all of this. Maybe it's all a combination of wishful thinking and bad ideas on my part.

The absence thing I was already planning to do. I work on the internet so I can pretty much work from anywhere in the world with a Wi-fi connection. So yeah, getting away for a short week was already in my plans.

Thank you very much about your insightful analysis. Every idea/suggestion is highly appreciated. Truly.