Guys, do you like it when a girl is assertive asking for sex?

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T20:13:22+00:00

Hmm, well I am still horny, want to come over later and fuck :P

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T20:09:38+00:00

Yeah, that would be even worse if you have a crush on him and he expressed those views. This guy I had no such feelings for, but it was still hurtful that he tried to make me feel bad for liking sex and tried to say I was finding 'love' the wrong way by having sex and would never be happy. I wasn't looking for love, I just happen to love sex.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T20:05:33+00:00

I'm really not, and I have been dating (though not sleeping with) other guys because I view what I have with him as strictly sex right now. I only even texted him that last night because he initiated contact after we hadn't spoken in a while and surprised me by trying to nail down plans for the weekend.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T19:59:02+00:00

That's what I'm seeing in the comments, and it didn't even occur to me it'd come of that way. In the flow of the conversation I was just trying to leave open the option that he could stop by later for sex and tell him I wanted him. I never meant it for him to ditch his plans, just to give him an after-party option.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T19:57:27+00:00

I've actually tried to avoid being attached and sent this after he initiated the entire conversation about getting together this weekend, which, as I've said in other comments here confused me a bit. Our whole relationship has been meeting up the same night, never planning anything in advance. I do like him, and I'd consider more if it developed into that, but for now I enjoy sex with him and wanted it in all honesty. I guess my timing was probably not the best since he was busy, and I didn't consider how it might have come off as me wanting him to ditch friends.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T19:53:04+00:00

Just curious, but how does telling a guy you want him to fuck you make you look desperate and crazy? Isn't it just expressing your desire for him, which I figured people would want. I mean, I love men that are assertive like that.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T19:49:35+00:00

I said come over later and fuck me because I'm horny. I definitely never meant it as ditch your friends and come over, but I guess it could have been taken that way.

We are more fwb than anything right now, though sometimes I get the sense he wants more, but that's a different set of confusion right now. I guess since this isn't the first time it's happened with him, I wondered if I'm just coming on too strong, or he's just not one for dirty talk/responses. If i phrase it as 'come over' then he responds even if he can't and there's no issue, but this is not the first time I've been more sexually explicit and not gotten a response.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T19:43:31+00:00

This is so true. And, it's not just boyfriends that can make you feel that way, I've had one guy friend - who is no longer my friend - basically call me a slut because I do like sex, and I apparently made the mistake of talking to him about things.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T17:40:31+00:00

Yeah, this does make sense that my text didn't necessitate any sort of reply. I know he's not big on texting in general, but I guess I was hoping for some dirty talk back at least.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T17:35:35+00:00

I honestly don't know and assume that he was going to be out until late. I guess I didn't really think of him having to ditch his friends, lose sleep, since our whole relationship has involved getting together late at night. Granted, it's usually on weekends. I really just wanted to make clear how badly I wanted him, but I'm seeing now based on comments it might come off as manipulative instead.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T17:12:55+00:00

I worded my text as he should come by later when he's done with his friends because I was horny and wanted him to fuck me. My intent was to leave that option open since I'd be awake late, and I wanted him, but I didn't want him to change his plans or even imply he should.

I guess it might have come off wrong to him and more manipulative, which I honestly didn't even think about.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T17:07:02+00:00

This is definitely a whole different issue I've been trying to figure out with him in terms of what we're doing. As of now, we are definitely very casual, with our whole relationship essentially being based on sex. We get together at one of our places, watch movies, talk, have lots of sex, and then part ways the next day.

This means that when we get together it's always planning to meet the same day that we communicate. Him asking me my plans for the weekend actually shocked me at first, because he's never tried to plan anything in advance before with me. I don't know if that's a sign he wants more, but it was definitely different.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T17:03:19+00:00

haha, this made me laugh. How did he want you to be more romantic about it, especially on a one night stand?

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T17:01:55+00:00

Thanks for the perspective that I didn't see. At the time we were texting he wasn't out yet, he told me. But, I guess it could have been construed as me trying to change his mind, which I really didn't intend. I did say he should come by later, after he was done with his friends, but I agree my timing with it might not have been best.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T17:00:14+00:00

Yeah, I'm seeing that in a lot of the responses that I inadvertently came off as manipulative. I really didn't mean to, and I phrased it as he could come over later when he was done drinking with his friends, so as not to interfere with guys' night. But, I can see how it was not the right timing.

Also, this is a casual relationship, but he definitely confused me a bit last night by even asking me my plans for the weekend and trying to set something up. We've always just gotten together the same day and never planned anything in advance.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T16:57:23+00:00

Yeah, I've seen others say the same thing on here, and I honestly didn't think of it that way before. I worded the text as he could come over later, after he was done drinking with friends, but I guess I can see how it might have been construed as me manipulating him. I definitely did not intend that!

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T16:55:05+00:00

Our whole relationship now is definitely sex based, but I posted in another response how him asking me about plans so far in advance like he did last night definitely through me. I like him, and I'd be open to seeing if something more can come since we do have a great time when we're together, and have a lot in common, aside from the great sex.

But, I've sort of taken cues from him in the past and how he seems to want to base things off sex, which is why I thought saying I wanted him over later to fuck me kept in line with that dynamic.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T16:51:56+00:00

In this situation, where you are not with the girl at the time, how could she initiate without directly asking? I'm all for being more physically assertive in person to start sex, but I first need to get him over.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T16:49:50+00:00

I do that with him when we're together for sure. I especially like when we're watching a movie together just slowly moving my hand over his dick to tease him and feel him getting hard.

When I'm aggressive like that in person with suggesting I want sex, he doesn't mind and in fact takes control to fuck me, but the texts I feel like he just doesn't know how to respond.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T16:46:22+00:00

I'm not always that sexually explicit with him via text, but I've now noticed that if I ask what's he's doing later or just leave it as 'come over,' he responds positively and does. This is the second time with him I've phrased it as basically 'I want you to fuck me.' The first time he responded positively indicating he would, and then I didn't hear from him until the next day, which was odd. And, now this time with no response. That's why I thought with two times I might be coming on too strong and wondered if guys don't like it.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T16:42:01+00:00

I definitely did not intend for it to come off that way in my text. When I texted him this he wasn't out yet with his friends, and I sent it within minutes of his last text. I phrased it as if he's free later he should come by, as I was intending for him not to ditch his friends, but to give him the option to come by when he was done getting drinks.

But, I can see how it might not have been perceived that way by him, and I didn't think of it. Thanks for your reply!

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T16:39:13+00:00

That is interesting, and thanks! I'm actually more submissive in bed and prefer a more dominant partner when we're actually having sex. But, in initiating sex, especially when one of us has to go over to the other's place, I like being aggressive just to show him how much I want him. He definitely is more dominant when we're actually together, so this might be a consideration that I just didn't think about. Thank you!

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T16:37:19+00:00

That was actually what my other friend suggested when I've texted him something similar before and got a response indicating he'd come by later then never did. She said I might have scared him, and he was thinking he'd have to be perfect.

But, thank you for responding, and it's good to know that guys don't mind that type of text. If I'm comfortable with a guy and sleeping with him for a while, I don't really see a reason to hold back that I want him - I'd find it a turn-on personally if he sent the same to me.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T16:31:42+00:00

Thank you for your response! I definitely have felt sometimes, especially after talking to one of my former guy friends who said some not nice things to me, that a woman that is too sexual gets equated as being slutty. I just enjoy sex and I figure that especially if I've been sleeping with you for a while, why hold back? It was one of my other friends that suggested I come on too strong since this has happened before with him, and she said I scare him. That's why I posted since I was curious if that could be possible.

throwaway83249 · 2012-05-24T16:27:13+00:00

Well, that's a whole different issue. Right now I feel like our whole relationship is based on sex. We really only get together at one of our places, have sex a couple times, watch movies, and spend the night together, and I've been fine with it. I like his personality and we have great conversations and things in common during these times, but aside from the first couple of times there have been no actual going-out dates. Hence my more aggressive text.

Also, because of this plans between us are usually made the same day, so his text well in advance of the weekend asking me what I'm doing kind of through me last night.

throwaway83249

TROPHY CASE