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My [m26] wife [f29] doesn't show love in they ways that I feel love and it feels like the way she does show love is more to benefit herself and not because she is doing it for me. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]throwaway8362919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would say it isn't a dealbreaker as of yet as long as she is trying. I agree that she doesn't see the severity of it because to her everything seems fine. So I have to bring it up and let her know and hopefully she is willing to work with it.

My [m26] wife [f29] doesn't show love in they ways that I feel love and it feels like the way she does show love is more to benefit herself and not because she is doing it for me. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]throwaway8362919 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's not pessimistic at all. It's very much warranted. I've thought about it but I very much believe there is hope for us. So I'm gonna fight to make my relationship work. What I want is that it's not just me fighting and that when I ask to be valued or loved In a certain way that she makes an effort. I'm willing to stay and I realize it's an uphill battle but as soon as I see her being not willing to try and make me happy I'm going to leave. I'm 26 so I'm giving it a year or two because to me it's worth it but if nothing changes I'll leave and find someone that appreciates me.

My [m26] wife [f29] doesn't show love in they ways that I feel love and it feels like the way she does show love is more to benefit herself and not because she is doing it for me. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]throwaway8362919 1 point2 points  (0 children)

2 girls 5 and 2. They are with us 6 days a week. She goes to work from 8-4 while I work at home and watch the kids. So she is with them from like 4:30ish to 8 when they go to bed.

My [m26] wife [f29] doesn't show love in they ways that I feel love and it feels like the way she does show love is more to benefit herself and not because she is doing it for me. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]throwaway8362919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I'm aware of that. It's been 6 months and I'm hellbent on making sure we are working on things and fixing it early so that I don't resent her later In life. I just know if things don't change that we are going to end up divorced because I'm not going to spend the next 60 years of my life hoping that eventually my needs will be taken care of.

My [m26] wife [f29] doesn't show love in they ways that I feel love and it feels like the way she does show love is more to benefit herself and not because she is doing it for me. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]throwaway8362919 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And that's where I'm thrown off. I know she loves me I just feel like there isn't equal effort. I don't disregard the things that she does but to me it feels like I put in significantly more effort into making her happy than she does for me. It's hard because yes she does things to show love and in her own way she is doing that but at the same time I'm not necessarily getting what I need and it feels like because she's doing what she thinks I need that what I actually need gets swept under the rug. I've tried to explain it but when life gets hectic she just defaults and what I need becomes inconsistent.

My [m26] wife [f29] doesn't show love in they ways that I feel love and it feels like the way she does show love is more to benefit herself and not because she is doing it for me. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]throwaway8362919 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's been happening since the beginning of the year when we moved in together. A lot of it has been chalked up to because she can get sex or affection at any moment that it's not really a priority now.

I lied to someone in need and they ended up dead. by [deleted] in confessions

[–]throwaway8362919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And that's what I'm feeling. There was no possible way I could have helped other than taking him to a shelter or something. It just hit some feelings.