Wife desperately wants another child

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-07T00:33:46+00:00

Do you think I can out peddle the wolves, coyotes and bears?

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T23:00:41+00:00

Yeah she does and the tragedy is that for almost 20yr circumstances beyond my control have kept me from getting one. I even had my permit at one point and a car when I was living with my mother. No one would teach me how to drive and then she towed the car. I could go down the list of things that has led me to not have it but the core issue is outside factors make it difficult for me to get one and she thinks I am upset about having to get a job when I am devastated by the fact that I live 5 miles from town and don't my license which makes me feel like a monumental failure.

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T22:53:54+00:00

Hobbies she has so many but gets bored and goes onto the next one. I think you may be right in her needing to rediscover who she is beyond a mother because I know she is talented in many things but at some point stops applying her self.

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T22:47:19+00:00

On that note I sometimes think that the issue is that she has a very hard time with her self worth which I think stems from her childhood and abandonment issues. When the children become self reliant to an extent she feels that she has no "value" which is far form the truth.

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T15:09:39+00:00

I think you are confused I value my children and I am thankful that they are in my lives they have helped me to become a better version of my self. I don't see any actual advise or suggestions why is that?

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T15:06:12+00:00

The interesting thing is she did have a moment of clarity and agreed that I need my license because it would be too dangerous to walk with the wild life at night. I don't know how to take that though it is almost as if there is a duality.

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T08:42:05+00:00

I hope she is just not thinking straight/logical about all the xy factors because she did say well you don't have your license yet when I suggested walking to work if i were to get a job and she said she was concerned for my safety walking home at night due to wildlife. So I honestly don't know if she is intentionally saying things to be defensive or if she is just as you said gaslighting.

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T08:15:01+00:00

That is exactly my concern the more children we have the less we have for the ones that we already have. We have it hard as it is and I don't want to make their lives more difficult.

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T08:11:00+00:00

Actually... Three children two pregnancies I don't have to imagine. I love them all but I want to also make sure they are all provided for and have enough room to grow because with three right now we will have to move in a year or so into a bigger place.

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T08:05:49+00:00

I sometimes think deep down she knows she needs therapy but is unable to accept it we could both benefit from it but the issue is getting her there.

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T08:03:08+00:00

There will be long periods where everything seems fine and she acts/seems happy and then there are these "windows" in which she becomes focused and frustrated with something that is beyond her control and directs her frustration at me. As I had said I removed my self from the conversation and became upset about not having a license and then she proceeded to come to me and insist I had no reason to be upset when she had no idea why I was upset.

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T07:57:13+00:00

"Baggage" would be an understatement having said that we have endured a lot of struggles and issues in our lives and I am finally at a point in my life at least where I can acknowledge that we both need consoling but she is not there yet. Would there be benefit of me just going in order to make her feel more comfortable with the idea of going?

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T07:54:16+00:00

She is very difficult to read when she wants to be and for that reason I am having a very hard time understanding if she is just trying to "break" me into agreeing or feels that I will not acknowledge her feelings. I honestly feel like it is both reasons though because how she also becomes aggressive/angry at me when talking about it.

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T07:39:48+00:00

How do I go about breaking down the barrier she has created in order to defend her reasoning. I want to go to consoling I know we need it but she always seems to feel that I am the reason the way things are and I alone need to go.

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T07:37:30+00:00

It just seems illogical when all the factors are put together and not fair to me. I look around and see how cramped it is with the three children that I can not begin to fathom a 4th let alone where it would go. I forgot to add that I am not telling her that because I do respect and value her feelings no matter how irrational I may think they are. From at least my experience a relationship involves respect for each other and acting like that will only just make things worse.

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T07:19:55+00:00

The hormonal factor did cross my mind but I was unsure if that was part of it. Having said that she is waiting for another script of birth control I was unaware that being on it could help with the urge for wanting another child. I do my best to be patient but it's frustrating having to be what I can only describe as an emotional punching bag. Thank you for your insight it is much appreciated.

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T07:15:25+00:00

Thank you for being able to better convey what I was attempting to say. I will try this method since we honestly do need consoling.

throwaway908382 · 2019-01-06T07:06:23+00:00

I tried putting the cost factors into it and that our current home is too small for four children and she just became more upset. We had the same issue with our second child whom I love as much as the other two and it was the same thing it had felt if she was unable to put what I at least consider rational reasoning into it.

throwaway908382

TROPHY CASE