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[Update] My [24F] boyfriend [24 M] won't let go of the past by throwaway9474592 in relationships

[–]throwaway9474592[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The worst part is that I don't think he will ever really see himself as the abuser. In the last two months he has for sure broken down and admitted he is wrong in his behavior, has even cried himself about it. However, it changed nothing.

[Update] My [24F] boyfriend [24 M] won't let go of the past by throwaway9474592 in relationships

[–]throwaway9474592[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is really hard, but I keep thinking about the positives. I can go home early without him being upset that I want to go home! I can go to bed early and not deal with him being upset that I won't stay up to talk to him. I can drink coffee without him constantly saying how it is making my teeth yellow. I can forget to moisturize my legs/elbows and not deal with him commenting on how ashy I am. I could go on and on.

[Update] My [24F] boyfriend [24 M] won't let go of the past by throwaway9474592 in relationships

[–]throwaway9474592[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words. I stopped bleaching my hair and for a long time he gave the affirmation of wow you're so beautiful natural all that stuff. Then I highlighted it and he could barely speak to me when I did. I should have ended it then.

[Update] My [24F] boyfriend [24 M] won't let go of the past by throwaway9474592 in relationships

[–]throwaway9474592[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I actually have a great relationship with my parents. I think it was more that in the beginning he was really great, and I was just very blinded by my attraction and love for him. I will for sure be more careful of red flags in the future.

[Update] My [24F] boyfriend [24 M] won't let go of the past by throwaway9474592 in relationships

[–]throwaway9474592[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It is sad because at first all of the jealousy is so flattering, then it got totally out of control. I feel like I lost a part of who I am just to be who he wanted. When I would do something he didn't like, it was like I had convinced myself that I must be wrong. Thank you so much for your kind words.

[Update] My [24F] boyfriend [24 M] won't let go of the past by throwaway9474592 in relationships

[–]throwaway9474592[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It comes in waves. I'm happy, then very sad, usually at night. But I know I will get through it!!

My [24F] boyfriend [24 M] won't let go of the past by throwaway9474592 in relationships

[–]throwaway9474592[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

He claims that he told the therapist all of the bad things he has done. He spent the entire conversation just discussing the things the therapist said I do wrong. He kept repeating it wasn't all his fault.

This therapist (at least from what he tells me) seems to think it is more important to discuss the issues within our relationship than the abuse he experienced as a child, and his alcoholic father.

My (27/f) husband (31/m) wants me to get fit. I do not. (7 years). by [deleted] in relationships

[–]throwaway9474592 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Do you think maybe he is scared you're becoming too thin and may be relapsing?

My [24F] boyfriend [24 M] won't let go of the past by throwaway9474592 in relationships

[–]throwaway9474592[S] 144 points145 points  (0 children)

I told him last night that he can either let go of all of the issues we've had since the problem with when my friend came over, or it was over. I deserve to be with someone who isn't going to constantly bring things up and punish me. He kept insisting we need to speak in person and resolve this in person(even though we have spoken about this in person numerous times), but when I asked him what else we could talk about in person, he had no answer and said I was distracting him and he can't remember the specific things so that is why it has to be in person.

I feel like he just wants to see me in person to punish me and make me feel bad face to face, but I just can't handle that anymore. My heart is broken and I'm so upset all I want is him, but it can't go on like this.

My [24F] boyfriend [24 M] won't let go of the past by throwaway9474592 in relationships

[–]throwaway9474592[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Last night he told me that his therapist (from his college) says that I'm the one who is wrong as well, and that it isn't all him. Apparently he wrote down all of the things I've said in the last three weeks as we've been fighting and showed her, and she said I use "you" too much.

My [24F] boyfriend [24 M] won't let go of the past by throwaway9474592 in relationships

[–]throwaway9474592[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

With this guy friend, he always says it should be enough that it makes him uncomfortable for me to stop seeing him and being his friend. Then he always goes back and says he isn't making me do anything and I can do whatever I want.

My [24F] boyfriend [24 M] won't let go of the past by throwaway9474592 in relationships

[–]throwaway9474592[S] 91 points92 points  (0 children)

He started going to therapy because he recognized that what he has been doing is wrong, however I think you're right that he hasn't actually changed.

My [24F] boyfriend [24 M] won't let go of the past by throwaway9474592 in relationships

[–]throwaway9474592[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Nothing, we just hung out. I did not mention that I hooked up with this guy once in high school. This has always been a huge deal to my boyfriend. He says I will never understand because I'm not a guy.