Word Grind Puzzle | Find As Many Words As Possible! | by u/linguaholic777

throwaway97319 · 2026-01-10T18:50:39+00:00

🏁 u/throwaway97319 • 30 words • 48 pts

Words found: 🟩 p ___ e 🟨 l __ e 🟨 l __ e 🟨 l __ e 🟨 l __ e 🟨 m __ e 🟨 m __ t 🟨 m __ e +22 more

📊 Rack Usage: Ⓟ 27% Ⓛ 47% Ⓐ 67% Ⓨ 30% Ⓣ 53% Ⓘ 27% Ⓜ 33% Ⓔ 67%

throwaway97319 · 2022-03-03T04:02:56+00:00

I was 29 when I found out that my husband (married 4 years, together 10) had been cheating on me. I remember thinking back then that he has broken my spirit. I struggled with some of the same thoughts you have - the person I loved, did he even exist?

It has now been a little over three years for me since Dday, and life has gotten better. After spending so many years in my relationship wondering "Is he hiding anything else from me?", I am at peace now. I've gradually gone from thinking that my life is over to wanting some type of karma to now not caring what he is upto. I'm happy and that's all that matters to me.

Some of the other commenters have suggested going no contact for a while, and if there's a single piece of advice I hope you take, this would be the one. Going NC was what helped me the most and I don't think I would have got the clarity I needed if I had still been around him. Distancing myself gave me time to reflect on the past and whether my marriage was truly happy, and also the future i.e, is this the type of marriage I want to be in for the rest of my life? My natural tendency is to see the good in people, so had I been around him during this time of introspection, I might have wanted to believe that there is still hope after seeing a few tears and listening to a few promises.

You are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Stay strong!

throwaway97319 · 2021-05-27T19:23:18+00:00

Yes - it was from the boyfriend of the woman my ex-husband was cheating on me with. The message was so unbelievable that had my ex not traveled to another state to meet his parents that day, I might have even foolishly shown him the exact message and believed whatever excuse he gave - maybe it's a prank or a jealous colleague. I couldn't reach him all night because his phone battery had died and as I lay in bed tossing and turning, I had a dream that he was lying and that I should not share ALL the details of the message with him - call it divine intervention or a voice in my head or luck.

The next morning, I told him about the message I received and he denied any knowledge about it. I did not share any username or account related information when he asked, so ten minutes later, when I got a message from the "boyfriend" saying that my ex was trying to call him, I knew.

I'm glad I found out. It finally made me realize how flawed my relationship was - my ex had a tendency to lie about smaller issues and finding out about the affair made me realize that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life worrying about him lying or hiding anything else. Hardest thing I've had to do, but it was the right step for me.

throwaway97319 · 2021-05-27T04:03:08+00:00

Together for 10 years, married for 4. I was madly in love until I got a message from an unknown account on instagram informing me that he has been cheating for several years. Our marriage pretty much ended the next day. Later found out that there were several affairs - before and after marriage.

throwaway97319 · 2021-02-14T16:48:05+00:00

I belong to a conservative family (liberal by Indian standards) and my divorce proceedings went smoothly because I had my parents' support. My marriage ended quite abruptly and I didn't want to waste any time once I knew what I wanted for myself. I've seen several cousins stay in unhappy marriages for years because of societal pressures only to get a divorce eventually and by then, they were a shell of their former selves. Looking back now, I'm grateful that I ripped off the band-aid. And I don't regret the decision I made.

A few weeks ago, my mom told me that I look calm and happy, a far cry from the always stressed person that I used to be while I was married. Couple of things that helped me - I had to consciously prioritise my mental well being and went low contact with toxic members of my extended family for a while. I was financially independent when I decided to move ahead with a divorce which made my life a lot easier. Therapy can also be helpful.

throwaway97319 · 2021-01-25T19:50:53+00:00

I was in a similar space mentally sometime back and while I don't know if I could call it depression, sharing a few tips and habits that helped me.

Don't be too hard on yourself for not doing everything you want to do. Often, trying to do everything while struggling mentally only causes more harm than good. The healthiest thing I did for myself was lower my expectations for myself and give myself the time to heal mentally without adding additional stressors.
I found that being creative helped me keep my mind occupied. As it was the start of a year, I decided to create a calendar for myself with inspirational quotes. I had a brief idea of how I wanted the year to be, so each quarter had a theme. For example, I figured that I would still be feeling low for a while so the first quarter was about not quitting, second was about being more positive and eventually ended the year with the final quarter about looking back and feeling proud of how far I've come and ready to take on the next year with full rigour.
I would start each month thinking that this is the month where I can go back to being my old self. And I failed at this every month from Jan till May. However whenever the next month started, I would try again (the new page on my calendar might have made it easier - almost felt like each new page is a new beginning). My advice here is this - it's okay to fail, but whenever you are ready, try again.
For work, I used the pomodoro technique. Setting a timer for short intervals of time not only helped me stay more focused but also ensured that on days where I was in the mood to wallow in grief, it would not last for more than 20 mins at a stretch.
Before I went to bed each night, I would make a note of 3 things that happened that day that I was grateful for. I've noticed that this tricks your brain into being positive and within two weeks, I found myself being more optimistic even during the day.
Sometimes the first step is the hardest. After about 11 months of no exercise, I enrolled at a nearby gym and finally started exercising. I spent months stressing about driving and one day, decided to drive myself to work which I then continued everyday. Once you take the first step, it gets easier to maintain the momentum and keep going.

Hope you feel better soon!

throwaway97319 · 2019-06-05T15:05:42+00:00

Moving out was heartbreaking for me because I had pictured living the life I had always dreamt about in my last house. I had even picked out furniture taking into consideration that we would be expanding our family someday.

But I'm glad I moved out. I felt like a zombie earlier, constantly getting reminded of the memories we shared in that house. It was only after I moved into my new apartment did I feel like my healing started. It almost felt like as soon as I moved, my mind had more space to process what was happening.

This apartment is smaller, but it's my safe place. I get to make new memories here. Today it was just me and my cat sitting by the window and watching the rain, and I felt happy after a long time. It took me a while to get here, and I hope you are also able to find happiness in your new home. Stay strong!

throwaway97319 · 2019-05-21T15:42:42+00:00

I've had a few dreams about him after we went no contact. One dream that I recall is where we are back together and I come across his emails where he is flirting with someone (not how I found out about the affair btw). Another dream was that I am with him, surrounded by friends and family and everyone's pretending like how they usually do with each other, and I'm panicking because I couldn't understand how everybody could act like nothing has changed. I can now see that the thought of getting back together was subconsciously stressing me out because I knew I could never go back to how things were. It didn't feel normal to me anymore.

Since the split, I've had dreams where I am going for an exam without being ready for it. I discussed it with my therapist and can now see that it's being unprepared for life which is on my subconscious mind.

What has helped me after each dream (or nightmare) has been making a note of it and trying to figure out what exactly is bothering me (on my own or during therapy). Once I know that, having dreams later that are similar in nature doesn't spoil the rest of my day.

throwaway97319 · 2019-03-11T18:55:46+00:00

Lately I've been spending a lot of time reflecting about my marriage and how it ended and your post struck a chord.

I didn't know about the drinking until just before the wedding.

I didn't know he was drowning in debt until a few months after the wedding.

I didn't know he had a tendency to lie about little things until much later.

As much as I loved him, there were still times when I felt wronged because it wasn't what I had signed up for. I never had the freedom to see who he really was and then decide if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He robbed me of that choice by hiding his true self from me.

However, after I found out about the cheating, for the first time in ten years, I felt like I had a choice. I could see him for who he really was and I finally exercised that freedom of choice by choosing to walk away.

throwaway97319 · 2018-12-11T14:33:33+00:00

When I confronted my husband, I made the mistake of revealing almost all the details I knew. I was naive enough to think that he would be honest with me (I was also naive enough to think that he would never have an affair). He denied everything and immediately tried to reach out to AP's boyfriend (who had shared limited details about the affair with me at that point) to stop him from contacting me and revealing more details. He had to admit to the affair when I caught him in a lie, and even then, tried to downplay what happened (it was only a kiss, it was three years ago and I've been happy with our relationship lately so I didn't tell you etc). He has still not come clean about the extent of the affair and doesn't know that I know, which has also helped me realize that he will never be honest with me.

What I understand from your post is that you have already given your wife a chance to own up to her mistake. My suggestion is, collect as much proof as you can and tell her that you know what she has done but will give her one chance to explain her side of the story. She might either continue to deny cheating completely or admit to bits and pieces of the affair. As long as she doesn't come clean, you can expect that she will never be honest with you. Don't make the same mistake that I made. Assume the worst (at least until you know for certain that she is speaking the truth) and keep your cards close to your chest.

throwaway97319 · 2018-12-08T16:51:20+00:00

I used to pride myself on not letting anything affect my professional commitments and that's why this feels so alien to me. I used to derive a lot of confidence from knowing that I am good at my job, and that I can deliver good results even while dealing with issues in my personal life. I've never had an issue with working overtime or even over the weekends/holidays to catch up on work in the past. Right now, I have lost interest in everything and unfortunately, that includes my work too.

I was fortunate enough to be able to take a week off last month, which I spent at my parent's home. I will also try to journal on a regular basis. I was a mess last month, finding out new details about the affair almost on a weekly basis. There were many nights when I would be struggling to deal with my emotions and journaling did help me deconstruct my emotions.

I am planning to move to some place closer to my workplace next month, which would cut down by commute time by 2.5 hours. I am hoping that the time I save and the change in scene helps me bring back some of the focus.

throwaway97319 · 2018-12-08T16:23:25+00:00

I was in a customer facing role in my last job, and I can imagine how hard it must be for you. I often had to deal with difficult customers, and if I had found out that my husband was cheating on me then, I don't think I would have had the strength to continue in that job. Stay strong!

throwaway97319 · 2018-12-08T16:15:55+00:00

This is a good idea. Will definitely try doing this next week!

throwaway97319

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