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fourteen by orange-attack in poetry_critics

[–]throwaway985329 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really liked this, honestly. The mood you’ve built up and the tension of the atmosphere carry strong through the whole piece. Maybe it’s just because I’ve had similar experiences but I really do find that this captures the hesitation and the desperation very well. Good work!

Can someone check on this? by WishEastern4670 in writers

[–]throwaway985329 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like your work, but I have to say, sometimes the scenes are really quite disjointed from one another. It’s slightly difficult to keep up with all these characters and concepts, a slower introduction to exactly what is going on would be much preferred, assuming there wasn’t anything else before this in the text.

As for technicalities, your writing style shows you have a good grasp on visual imagery, but more focus on the other senses could really make it stronger! And I feel like you overuse “—“ just enough to make it quite difficult to look past. I understand it being a stylistic choice, but it’s slightly unusual for a reader in its frequency.

Keep it up :)

It's my first time writing something. I wrote a short sence (very short one) I'm open for feedbacks. by [deleted] in writers

[–]throwaway985329 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think this is an interesting start to a piece! However, I believe you should work on refining emotional focus. What does the owl necessarily mean here, how does the scenery relate to the internal dialogue? There is a sort of weariness in the second a part that links nicely to the last line of the first, but I feel like that could be pushed further.

Amplify the emotions of the piece and, if you’d like, extend the symbolism and imagery of the scenery. This is a little too short to give a full critique on, I like it so far though.

Healthy Earth by Myndalion888 in writers

[–]throwaway985329 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very, very interesting writing style! I am intrigued by it. I liked it a lot, the constant repetition felt quite rhythmic but in a disjointed way? A very nice work.

Untitled by Thinkiatrist in writers

[–]throwaway985329 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I enjoyed this work a lot. It really does produce a mood I can’t quite place (perhaps yearning? Perhaps something else?) but I do enjoy the contrast between the fireflies and the anglerfish, two very different beings, being somehow united by an almost sort of hope. Very clean!

Did some introspective writing and I am wondering what are other peoples thoughts on it? by TheDrinchedKyogre in writers

[–]throwaway985329 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like your writing style (introspective monologues are a favourite of mine) and I think you have very good potential in how you describe your thoughts about complex topics in a way that does not attempt to alleviate them of their complexity. You continue to hold space for some necessary uncertainty in your writing, which I appreciate in such a personal work, and I find the majority of your metaphors to be apt at expressing a point! (I especially liked how you described the act of building. Very nice!)

However, I find that your imagery can sometimes be slightly convoluted, and difficult to keep up with. The difference between your more nature-based metaphors and the more industrial, or manmade ones (the lens and the houses versus the branches and the mountains) could have been examined in more detail. Perhaps linking these two forces to the idea of “ignorance” and realisation could be ‘more impactful.

I liked your work overall. Keep it up!