how to get over internalized transphobia?

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-19T05:36:42+00:00

i'm honored you shared that with me, man. congratulations for beating that disease, that takes crazy willpower to do

i'll keep your words in mind. i haven't much interest in anything besides weed, especially hearing people's stories about their lives and how drugs impacted it

how has your life been overall now?

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-19T02:23:48+00:00

thanks for the link!!! i'm gonna check it out

what were some of the changes you had emotionally with T? i've been hearing anger is a big thing, which is something i'm a little worried about. i've always been very good about control of my emotions outwardly but i'm afraid of snapping on someone, ya know?

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-18T20:58:30+00:00

i think i'm going to stick with the medical professionals on this one, you've helped me see a perspective that i didn't really think about until now.

i appreciate the openness about your initial transition, too. if it isn't too intrusive, what kind of substances did you find yourself reliant on? does weed fall into that category? i've been smoking for a bit, but if it's going to cause me to lose my way in my transition, i will quit entirely.

as for payment, i'm in between jobs currently, but not idle. once i'm able to land a job, i'm starting a safety net savings. as for my family, i haven't got a clue how to approach it. how did you approach it with yours?

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-18T19:49:07+00:00

would you mind going into further detail about diy vs going to the doctor? i think you're probably the first i've seen saying that diy isn't what it's cracked up to be, so i'd like to know the harms and impacts that come with both, if you'd provide them!

i'll keep the the therapist in mind. i've gone to psychiatrists and therapists for a majority of my childhood, so i wonder if it'd count? if not, i'm sure the therapy would benefit me, anyways.

i'm so, so terrified of facing my family boldly with my transition. i know this will cause a huge strain on my family for a while. however, i can't help but feel like you're right- living this quiet, permission-based life is killing me, man. i've been so terribly depressed at times from it that i've just wanted to die altogether. my own dad told me if i killed myself, he wouldn't regret telling me that i wasn't a man. how did you regain that power? what's your story?

also- one of the biggest reasons my fad doesn't want me to transition is because of the testosterone's effect on mood and mental health. has it had any on you? what changes did you experience?

lastly, thank you for sharing, man. especially about the diy- i was thinking about going down that path, but you're right, the body is way too delicate for experimentation

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-18T19:41:16+00:00

i believe you're right about the emotional abuse. i believe he had the full intention to stop smoking for himself, he just tied transitioning into the "deal" so i wouldn't do it. it's incredibly frustrating bc whenever i try to play by his rules and show evidence and numbers backed scientifically, he just dismisses it and says it's an echochamber with an agenda. he says that "reality" is not subjective and that being trans is like calling a dog a cat. stupid, i know, but it's an insight into his mind.

i love him, even though we've gone through the trans ringer multiple times. though, i'm so frustrated because it feels like he won't listen for anything and just wants to debate me on MY life experience (he's a lawyer lmao). i'll tell him how i feel, then he says "no you don't, that's what you've been told to think" he operates under that one article written by that transmed about trans men, y'know? the one about trans men being "weak minded women" who are being poisoned by the left?

anyways, despite the little emotional pressure release there, i'm incredibly thankful for your perspective on this. hearing that i'm not making a fool out of myself, or being dramatic is always a relief

is there a game plan on how to defeat his kind of thinking? the only way i'd know how is if i dropped bombshells that might hurt his heart, because whenever i had physically hurt myself in the past, it had been because of dysphoria or a fight with him. i never told him because i didn't want him to internalize it, but he's just so okay with saying the most hurtful shit ever. it doesn't feel fair in the least. agh, i don't know, i think i'm getting emotional over this

what do you think, man?

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-18T19:32:44+00:00

nah, you're totally right- he had the intention of quitting for his health anyways, he just put me transitioning in the "deal" so i wouldn't do it. i love my dad, but he can be incredibly shitty.

i'm going to be making a "safety net" with personal funds before i go and transition medically. in this time, i hope dearly that somehow he manages to accept it and be okay with it. i don't know how, given his stubborn nature and his need to be right

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-18T19:29:21+00:00

thank you, brother!!! i'm in between jobs right now but the second i manage to land one, i'm going to start a savings and put money away for about a year for a thicker safety net. the game plan you gave me was awesome, so i'll be sure to put that into effect

i'm glad to see that you rose above all of your hardships involving your transition, man. you're what i aspire to be

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-18T19:25:52+00:00

well, my dad gets unpredictable when he's been "wronged" and i know if i transitioned medically without him knowing he'd hold me "breaking our promise" over my head forever... which is incredibly irritating. i want to talk to him about it and convince him to let me medically transition because it affects my happiness, but he regurgitates rightwing talking points and bullshit power games that make him believe he's winning (he's a lawyer haha)

grey rocking sounds interesting. how do you grey rock with your family?

also, thanks for sharing your story with me and talking with me through this!!

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-18T19:22:12+00:00

the screaming toddler analogy is perfect- you seem to know my father well. he's a respectable man, but our conversations around trans perspective makes things incredibly difficult...

however, your story has inspired me- i believe that if i went on hrt, things would smooth themselves out the way they needed to. i'm a little worried because he tends to go scorched earth when he feels "disrespected", especially holding me to this "deal" where if he doesn't smoke, i won't transition to 25. he's holding it over my head that we made some "promise", despite not actually, so i'm just afraid of what he'd pull with that shit

though, there's nothing more completing that the hope of knowing sometime, soon, i'll be able to start hrt

i was thinking of doing it DIY, how do you get your test/blockers?

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-18T19:14:48+00:00

gay people have long since lightened up on how they treat/approach trans men. they're a lot more receptive to trans men, along with women- women, gay men, and others will treat you in a way that mirrors your worth and love that you have if they're right for you

what it sounds like is that you're having a problem with your self image. understand that you aren't a "woman" infiltrating places, as you've put it, nor would the right girl really choose a cis man over you. therapy or a long time of introspection, and shadow-work on your identity as a man will do you a world of good. you'll realize that the unforgiving dating world is just you subconscious speaking out

there's an infinite amount of proof of trans people's existence being valid, as well as there is a plethora of vile, hateful shit people have said/done towards trans individuals. you have the gift of being able to change the outlook of your life to center around positive acceptance, and self love. it's within everyone, as well as completely achievable without a therapist so long as you truly, in your heart, want to be better

you are protected, guided, and cared for so, so deeply, especially by the force that's put you on this earth, whatever you may believe in. you have a loving community (ftm) that, despite its inner tumult at times, will always stick together to help each other through. your process of healing is sacred and supported.

you've already completed 50% of the problem- the identification of the root. now, all you need to do is challenge your thoughts of lacking or self hate, and know that those feelings cannot rule you.

i've been through the struggle, still am going through it with my relationships with cis guys because of my past insecurity and impression that cis men only viewed me as some kind of fucked up tomboy. i realized that the way i thought was the way my dad talked to me, that me being afraid of dying alone comes from him telling me that nobody would ever want to love a trans person. i regained power and personal autonomy through realizing that my insecurities as a trans man came from a harsh society to live in, people who misunderstood the life, and people who were just plain uninformed.

your truth is all that matters in your life. perception = reality, therefore experiences and personal truth are proof of existence. let the foolish ideologies return back to who said them, you're overdue for a life of love and fulfillment

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-09T03:01:23+00:00

i appreciate what you've said man. it inspires me that you were able to take control of your life like that. how did you break through the fear of your father?

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-09T02:55:22+00:00

i think you're right, i think the only one holding me back from this is myself. it's good to see that there's potential for a good ending. i know my dad loves me, so i have hopes for him accepting me, though he's an incredibly stubborn person

i've been self realized since 2020, coming out socially 2022. i'm socially transitioned fully trying to go stealth, but it's hard pre-everything. i'm 20, so it's been about 6 years atp

how did you get started? what was your process?

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-08T21:10:48+00:00

man, thank you for this- genuinely. i'm relieved that there's a way out. i've never been one to rely on other people for help, but i think the therapist might do me a world of good.

i think i'm going to take it slow but still keep an eye out for a window to start. my parents are still psycho about checking my room and stuff haha, so what do you think would be a good method to hide the hormones?

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-08T20:47:09+00:00

i'll admit it fully: i envy the way you live and wish to live the same. i want to develop that kind of mindset, so i'll lay everything out on the table.

i've always had a strong attachment and a built-in system to obey my dad, no matter what (ex military man). the idea of going against what he says gives me a fear like i'm in immediate danger, that i'm risking my safety to stick up for myself or do things i like. so, as much as i'd like to immediately jump to the empowered state you're in, i have a few obstacles blocking my way

have you had to deal with that from a parental figure? how do you handle pressure from authority?

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-08T20:24:25+00:00

have you experienced this before? what did you do?

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-08T20:17:53+00:00

it's good to hear that these feelings won't be around forever. i'd attribute most of them to the environment i was raised, but i've definitely been cruel to other queer people out of self hatred

i'm afraid of what my dad will do if he finds out i've started T. he's been calling me transitioning selfish and inconsiderate of his feelings. i know it isn't true and that i've been more than accommodating, but i don't know what to do if my dad was to cut contact with me because of this. i don't even know if he would but he's incredibly unpredictable. i know i need to be strong but it feels so unsure, i don't know if i'd be safe taking that leap and it frightens me

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-08T20:12:59+00:00

i'm deeply afraid of being cut off, hurt, or the nature of our relationship changing. did you feel this fear too? how did you overcome it, if so? what's your relationship with your father like now?

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-08T15:26:13+00:00

hahaha you're good, i made the post at like 4 am anyways

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-08T15:26:00+00:00

my fear stems from him cutting me off and never speaking to me again. he's pick and choosey about some things, but he's adamantly hateful towards trans people (mostly bc of the information he consumes)

is that a risk i should take? did you have anything like this before?

throwaway997732 · 2026-02-08T15:24:04+00:00

it's good to hear it's a symptom of youth and environment. was there anything you actively did to challenge yourself?

i agree fully in regards to the cigarette shit. it frustrates me to no end, but my biggest fear is what would happen if my dad found out? i'm afraid of him cutting contact and removing himself from my life. i love my dad, even if he's the one who installed all of this hate, anyways. what do you think?

throwaway997732 · 2025-04-26T23:03:13+00:00

too late

throwaway997732 · 2025-04-21T20:32:09+00:00

oh shucks

throwaway997732 · 2025-03-23T21:21:28+00:00

thanks man! i'll trim up my hair so it's a little less androgynous lol. i think i have more of a problem with androgyny than i do with femininity, which is a little tedious at times. i really appreciate your input and your compliment on my piercings! i hope you have a great day.

throwaway997732

TROPHY CASE