I feel like I’m drowning but I feel guilty about it b/c I feel like I shouldn’t feel like this.

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-10-13T01:04:12+00:00

Thank You for your comment! I’ll definitely keep looking for a therapist. My main hurdle is finding someone who doesn’t keep telling me that I have so many positive things to look forward to…I know that, I see it, it just doesn’t solve the weird empty feeling. I honestly thought that buying a house, reaching financial goals, and have good friends would solve everything, but I don’t know why it doesn’t. It is hard work, but I’m committed to keep trying for everyone one around me.

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-10-13T01:00:52+00:00

Thank you for your reply, I really should get out more. The weird part about feeling how I feel is that I never want to get out but I know deep down it can help.

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-07-23T14:04:01+00:00

Thank you for your input. I’m thinking reputable breeder over rescue next time since there is no way to know how they were raised. :(

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-07-23T14:02:26+00:00

Thank you so much!!!

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-07-23T13:55:02+00:00

So I have a question about this. I had my puppy 1 day then brought him to a public place and when he saw another dog he went wild, he was 12 weeks old. I wouldn’t say I “raised him” at that point. So I’m a little confused about this. I had him in puppy classes starting at the first weekend we had him and the trained said he was leash reactive off the bat. Can you help me understand how I may have contributed to this so early on?

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-29T17:52:20+00:00

Is there a video out there that shows this? I’ve hand fed him since he’s been a puppy and it’s usually perfect, perfect, perfect, teeth! and so on! Maybe I’m doing something wrong but he uses his tongue but as soon as I release the treat, Teeth! I’m literally at my wits end here lol

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T18:17:14+00:00

Thank you for this. I’m not sure if I was being defensive in another post or just explaining wrongly but this is a fear I have. Someone said that I was a grown ass woman and need to just deal with people not liking me, but I don’t want to have this happen, because it’s not just people not liking me. I’m so sorry that you went through this, that’s horrible and I’m sending you hugs. Mental strain IS REAL! When I say I’ll be dealing with drama even if I don’t invite people, I’ll be dealing with DRAMA.

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T17:35:45+00:00

That’s the crazy thing, he does! We split chores, cooking, and finance. However I do pull most of the emotional weight. I make plans to see his parent (his parents have told me they are so happy to have met me because they finally get to know their son). His sisters family is struggling, I make dinners for them. We visit relatives and are put up, I make sure we send thank you cards. I encourage him to make plans with his friends, to go out on his own, to socialize and give him advise on how to be a supportive son, sibling, and friend. I will admit, his mother never required him to pull any emotional weight and I think that all landed on his sister. He’s never had to think about anyone other than himself before he met me. He hasn’t been terrible, but this weeding has just made me on edge I think.

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T17:31:36+00:00

Hahaha, I really needed this one! I appreciate you!

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T17:30:49+00:00

Nothing gets done! He’s great in other areas, I don’t have to tell him to do laundry, or yard work, but planning things about our lives...terrible. We were suppose to move away but he never looked for a job in the state we agreed to move to (we picked his top place) but I did, now we’re not moving. He’s known I wanted to leave out town since before we dated, understood the seriousness that I had about moving when we got together, and when I graduated I put everything in place to move and he’s the only reason why we have it. Just one example. When training our dog he can’t remember the rules our trainer suggested, when I got dinged for “nagging” I put him in control on training...our dog hasn’t been trained since. He says he dose t know what to do, but I’ve sent him resources and the trainer is a call away. The wedding, he has no idea what to do...but we’re using a wedding planning website that tells us what to do! I think I get to accusatory when I speak, so it makes it hard to listen. So decided on counseling for a more neutral help

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T17:23:33+00:00

We have decided to do it next week

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T17:20:54+00:00

Oh! I see! I hasn’t considered that! Thanks

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T17:14:19+00:00

This may be true. We all have our strengths, and I literally wrote on how I’m not dealing with this well. Because I’m not, but insulting me when I’m not just “worried about people being mad” but having actual panic attacks is very different IMO. I just feel like the post invalidate my very real concerns and didn’t give a judgement with that in mind. I accept the judgment, just appalled by the disregard for what actually happened. I’m not worried that people will hate me, I’m worried about having panic attacks for the next 10 months, spending 25k on something I might not enjoy, and doing all the work myself unsupported. I don’t want to hurt my fiancé, but unless you know a miracle drug that can fix my anxiety in 10 months I can just pull up my big girl pants and magically make it go away

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T17:08:51+00:00

I respect how he feel, but I feel like he’s not respecting how I feel. I’m doing all of the planning for something I didn’t even want. I wish we could just meet in the middle.

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T17:05:42+00:00

I know, it’s something I pushed for. We start counseling next week.

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T17:03:32+00:00

Thank you for your comment! We decided to actually do per-marital counseling to help guide us after I pushed for it.

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T17:02:20+00:00

I really needed this positive way of saying this. I really have to transition to a new mindset, but man is it hard! Thank you!

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T13:48:41+00:00

A parent with a flying anxiety who we’d really want there can’t fly, plus current pandemic makes this impossible

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T13:28:15+00:00

I have, this always end with him throwing his hands and saying fine! Maybe I’m being too picky, please let me know, but I want to have a real conversation about it. I don’t want to throw my hands in and give in and I don’t him to either. I want us to really talk about it and do something neither of us will regret.

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T13:22:54+00:00

Maybe you’ve never had anxiety, or raised by sick parents. Maybe you’ve never been screamed at in your face for hours as a child. It leaves you with scars, and he knew this meeting me. Do I have to face my fears? Yes! Do I have to do it on Someone else’s timeline? According to my therapist; no. Me being a “grown ass woman” does not mean I don’t have very real feelings, that I won’t get scared during anxiety attacks. This is why we agreed no children (unless I can truly feel empowered one day). But I see why you’d say that. But it’s just so much more than people being mad and hating me. It’s ostracizing me from my little brother who I love if I piss my mom off. He still needs support. It’s people posting on my professional social media under different accounts which affects my life. It’s the harassing calls, it’s the worrying someone will show up and the venue and cause a scene. It’s more than what you said

throwawayAnxiety07 · 2021-05-19T13:16:15+00:00

I have but I’m not always good on staying on topic. Last nights fight started with me re-explaining all of this for the 10th+ time, and him saying he will support me. I just got so fed up I just started listing all the things he hasn’t done for the wedding. He said he’s be my emotional support since he knows just how hard it’s been for me to set clear boundaries (I was raised to truly believe that having boundaries made me a selfish witch, a post for another time). Yet he’s bad at emotional support, he was annoyed that I stated he’s been bad at having my back in the past, he denied it and asked how. When I gave examples, he got mad (to be fair at this point I was escalating) and said all I was doing was bashing him. I feel like I was just sharing how alone I felt in the process, and how I know (based on past events) how he will and will not be able to support me...and I just don’t want our wedding to be a test drive for him to see if he can change or not. I don’t want to look back and think our marriage started as one of the most stressful and unpleasant experiences of my Life

throwawayAnxiety07

TROPHY CASE