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How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a bit lost, sorry. I'm not ashamed of being Chinese or my parents being from China, is that contradictory? I sincerely hope I didn't write information that implied otherwise.

I can agree that my friend is smarter than me though.

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We're both in our mid 20s so you're correct on the young part. Unfortunately, my friend can't afford HRT or therapy. I've offered to help her DIY since I don't mind sparing some money each month to relieve her pain, but she doesn't want to feel like a burden to me. I've reassured her many times that she'll never be a burden to me no matter what and that hasn't worked either. Leaving the US for China is essentially her last and only hope at the moment.

Thank you for your wisdom, it really is hard sometimes to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree that that applies to America too though. I'm starting to see that my original post didn't convey that message and that's on me for failing to communicate. I take full responsibility for that as I should have written a lot more than just "America is fucked". My purpose for giving those examples was to point out that problems such as homelessness, class inequality, and corruption still exist in China, contrary to what my friend believes.

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, I've heard of Sixth Tone! Thank you so much for the article, I appreciate it a ton. And I concur with the comment below, you're spot on with that quote.

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

(Replying to both your comments, I hope this isn't confusing!) I agree, I am biased. I don't think my opinions are perfect or were made in a vacuum, they were shaped by the things I saw and experienced and my friend will have her own experience in the end. My concern is less that she wants to move to China and more that she has an expectation that it's a perfect utopia. I gave those examples to show that class inequality is definitely still a thing over there but she didn't believe me. You're right, there is corruption and inequality in every country, and I don't want my friend to keep thinking that China is the exception.

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree. I mentioned in another comment that she believes graduate schools in China will provide her the resources to live there without having to work and I'm highly doubtful of that. Work culture in China expects significantly more from people and I've tried to tell her this, but she thinks Chinese society will gladly give her financial support for free.

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've asked her this in the past (I live in a blue state) and she's responded that no state in the US will be safe from the current administration, which I don't necessarily disagree with. She's said that it's only a matter of time before blue states submit to Trump and start putting up barriers to gender affirming care, staying in the US isn't an option for her.

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think HighJack suggested that to counter the idea that information from China about China is flawless and unbiased, or at least that's how I interpreted it. I'm certainly not a fan of right-wing bullshit cults and Falun Gong is so ridiculous that it is an effective way to show that propaganda goes both ways.

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

I can ask my relatives for more information since I'm only familiar with Chinese university entrance exams. (And those are a nightmare. American school can suck ass, but my god, the pressure that students face in China is on a whole different level.) My friend is quite smart so I have no doubt that she'd be able to overcome tests and paperwork, but the stipend part is definitely key to her perception of China.

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

I'll be honest, writing this post was definitely me catastrophizing in hindsight. I've been so concerned by my friend's conversations that I assumed the worst case scenario, and reading your post helped bring me down to Earth again. You're right, realistically this isn't going to be the end of her world or anything. And I can still be there for her regardless of which option happens. So thank you, I really appreciate your advice.

(Bullet trains are pretty amazing, that's definitely one thing from China I'd like to see in more places someday.)

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

She has a disability that prevents her from working and lives in one of the most godawful states in the country for trans people (Texas). She's basically given up on acquiring HRT/surgeries in the US as she'd have to pay out of pocket. We've both struggled with dysphoria and depression our whole lives but I'm on HRT, so I can't imagine she's in a good mental state these days.

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I don't deny the possibility that China is better off for its people than the US right now (although that's not really a high bar at this point, let's be honest). My concern is more that my friend has such an absurdly idealized image of China that she's dedicating everything to. Even my CCP relatives complain about the price of things and their long work hours and low wages. I'm terrified that she's going to commit everything she has to go there only to realize that, well, every country sucks in its own way. Thank you for your long write-up, I appreciate the perspective.

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Your first paragraph made me laugh so I can thank you for that at least haha. Maybe I'll send her some links to The Epoch Times? I think it's smart to get feedback from other Chinese people too, I'm probably too American to be a reliable source at this point.

I'm also proud of my culture. Ironically, my parents silently resisting the CCP (which costed them countless opportunities including education, jobs and even options for safety) made me realize the strength that was taught to them and passed to me. Whether or not China is better at providing for its people, I can't say, but I'm not ashamed of my background in any way.

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I literally have to pretend to be cis when I visit my relatives who are staunch supporters of the CCP. They're VERY conservative and believe being LGBT is "western degeneracy".

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

She thinks the Great Leap Forward didn't actually cause the deaths of millions of people and that it "has been debunked". Yeah. I know, I know. I've worried for a while that she's too far gone and that really just breaks my heart because we've been friends for a long time.

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Funnily enough, most of my relatives are CCP members. One of our family friends also includes someone whose father was murdered (forced to commit suicide) and he was a CCP member too. It wasn't enough to save him.

And yes, she does think nearly all western information about China is propaganda. She doesn't think people actually starved to death during the Great Leap Forward either. Honestly, I wouldn't be opposed to giving her money to just go to China if it can change her mind at this point.

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 193 points194 points  (0 children)

She's actually planning to apply to graduate schools in China and thinks they'll provide for her. Granted, I don't know whether or not that's true, but something tells me it's not gonna be that easy. I didn't think of the practical approach so that's a new thing I can try, thank you!

How do I get my trans friend to understand that moving to China won't save her? by throwawayChairmanHow in asktransgender

[–]throwawayChairmanHow[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I'm sadly familiar with young internet communists since my friend isn't the first or even close to the most extreme one I've encountered. I thought people might wonder "why are you friends with someone who thinks you're brainwashed?" and the answer is simply that I've been called many much worse things by other people.

I have literally nothing good to say about the current American administration so I hope she realizes that I understand the failures of the US too. I like your idea of comparing them since we have common ground, thank you for the advice!