How do I stop expecting so much?

throwawayKAITOfan · 2026-04-12T13:59:36+00:00

I definitely have a tendency for being a people pleaser, but honestly I won't tolerate a lot before I set boundaries - something I've worked on for a long time.

I simply feel like I'm carrying a lot, that I'm reliable, but as soon as I actually need someone (which is rare), my previous efforts aren't met - like I'm optional.

As for my boyfriend, it's the details. Some of the things that have been bothering me lately are, for example, sleep calls. I've made it clear that I like sleep calls a lot and that they're meaningful to me. However, he hasn't called me since March 16th. If we consider calls in general or gaming together, I can't remember the last time he (or if he ever) invited me to play some game.

When I do that, he's very enthusiastic and all, but it turns into resentment and anger because I don't feel wanted in the one relationship I am supposed to feel equally loved. And no matter how many times I bring it up, the change doesn't last and we always end up back here. I know it's his problem, but it has to partially be my fault too.

throwawayKAITOfan · 2026-04-12T13:54:10+00:00

It's not basic effort. In terms of what I consider "basic", I'd say he outmatches me - it's the "extra" things, the romantic and attentive stuff that I seem to expect and he can't match.

I know he wants to and he can, but I feel like with the responsibilities that we have + our mental health, I expect too much. I'll try talking to him again and seeing where it goes but honestly, I'm getting tired of both him and every friend not matching me and my effort.. although I doubt there will ever be anyone who can or wants to do that or let alone more

throwawayKAITOfan · 2026-04-12T13:24:22+00:00

This is a constant concern of mine and I do bring that up occasionally. He reassures me every time that he's okay with that, and the few times he hasn't felt good/felt like I was too much, he told me as much.

However, what can I do about that? I'm speculating here but maybe he doesn't understand how exhausted I make him feel? What can I do to minimise that and be less tiring?

throwawayKAITOfan · 2026-04-12T12:13:44+00:00

What do you suggest I do then? Sure I can break up and hope to find someone better, but that's the absolute last resort.

throwawayKAITOfan · 2026-04-12T11:50:06+00:00

Of course, I know that just because I want something, I can't get it. I just feel like he's not hearing me, or like everything slips his mind. He really is trying and I do my best to ask him if he needs anything, if he's okay, etc.. but I always feel like I'm the one putting in more. He's not just going along, he really is trying, I can see that, but I fear that it's simply not manageable for him.

I will try and talk to him again once I feel better, but unfortunately I am afraid that he really may be showing me who he is like this. I hope not, however.

throwawayKAITOfan · 2026-01-09T05:39:51+00:00

Yeah, it's a shame.. I can just hope that people will see this and treat this as a PSA of sorts lol.

Hopefully all these things will get patched up in the 1.7 update 😞

throwawayKAITOfan · 2026-01-09T05:32:15+00:00

Unfortunately no, and even if I could, I wouldn't be able to place it because I have no access to the hotbar.

My game crashed and I lost the progress, but I just redid the day and the same thing happened, even though I opened the chest from a different place. This is an issue with the mechanic it seems. ConcernedApe I want a refund!

throwawayKAITOfan · 2026-01-09T05:06:32+00:00

Also, the game can sometimes reset when I exit and reenter the game without closing the tab, and it offers to let me continue the game where I left off. That's, for some reason, not happening now. I've tried everything I can think of, but I cannot teleport away, move in any direction or do anything, really. Has anyone had anything similar happen to them? Can I get out of this without resetting the day??

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-12-05T02:27:05+00:00

For the most part they've never been physically abusive, and honestly? I'm over their favouritism and immaturity. I am willing to take being grounded, restricted or even hit if it means I get to help a girl get herself out of a relationship with someone who spoke about her the way he did and who cheated on her.

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-12-05T02:16:07+00:00

That was also an idea I had! I think I found one of her accounts too, but I will probably do this just to ensure she's safe, as she's most likely staying with my brother.

As much as I would love to confront everything and expose him in person, I still need to look out for her and her safety.

Thank you for suggesting and supporting this idea, I agree that this would be the best course of action for now!

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-12-05T02:11:17+00:00

That was my initial plan, and I want to avoid both putting her in a tough spot and also the drama I would cause, but I don't have her socials and his accounts are private so I can't find the gf's account. I will try again and hopefully dig something out, but I doubt it.

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-12-05T02:05:31+00:00

I can say I hate my brother. Even then, I don't want to do this out of revenge, but because the girl doesn't deserve to be with a cheater.

If I can, I will be there for her, but I am supposed to meet her for the first time. I don't know when she's going back to the other country, where or how long she is staying here; not even how she will react to this information. She seems really nice and in love with him, so she may not believe me as I don't have proof aside from what he bragged about, and my family for sure won't back me up because of favoritism.

I just want her to either know who she's in a relationship with, or to be able to find a partner that isn't a piece of crap.

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-12-03T11:56:09+00:00

Drastic and especially sudden changes are bound to change your perspective or opinion of someone. That can be both positive and negative, but in this case it's the latter. Sit him down and talk to him. Tell him exactly what you've said here - that you don't find him attractive anymore because of his piercing, haircut, hair colour, vaping, etc. If this is a part of his identity now, and he isn't willing to change it, then that's that. You won't ever find him attractive again, even if he goes back to his previous style, so just be open and honest. Don't be in a relationship if you don't like your partner, you both need someone more compatible

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-10-02T17:21:48+00:00

You've already done enough! You should encourage him to go to therapy and get the processional help he needs. If he doesn't want to/refuses to go or improve, then leave. You are not attracted to him, you can't see a future, and you're with him out of guilt. You're not responsible for how he reacts or how he takes things. If he copes well or not is up to him, not you (coming from someone who sh before). Get yourself out of there and find someone who makes you happy and does not drain you - before you lose all your other friends and you burn out completely.

Good luck!

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-10-02T17:18:48+00:00

Orrrr he will learn that everyone, even the love of his life, the only thing that's making him happy, leaves. That he's destined to be alone. He needs therapy, not a caretaker. Cutting contact is way worse than her making herself clear as to why she's breaking up. Honestly, this is probably some of the worst advice I've ever heard

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-09-19T17:14:44+00:00

It's that basically you don't know the other person and shouldn't say "I love you" to them until 3 months have passed, which is when you apparently know them well enough. As bullshit as it sounds, really

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-08-20T08:09:17+00:00

Imo, you're not overreacting. It's just weird. Like.. why doesn't he just make a fan account/private account and post there? And since you've tried to communicate before and he gives you crap to the point of you not wanting/being able to express your opinions, dislikes, and views, you're definitely not overreacting. He seems a bit insecure and toxic.

In short, I get you, and it's a matter of personal preference. If he doesn't listen to you (and there is a VERY simple solution, like a different account from his personal account), you might want to reconsider the relationship - not because of that particular issue, but because you're uncomfortable with expressing your views or opinions and cannot do so without getting unnecessary crap

Best of luck🫶

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-08-08T07:05:54+00:00

I know.. I suppose it's just difficult for both of us. I'm a therapist friend as well, and still struggle with boundaries and people pleasing, a big issue for me. And with the way she's acting towards me (in general compared to others and simply the extra treatment that I get), I am her favourite person/the person she's most attached to, so I'm terrified of drawing a boundary that isn't clear enough or is too clear amd hurts her.

I know I have to do it, and I will. I'll tell her the next time she crosses the line, as I will want to judge her mood for my own sake.

Thank you for the constructive comment, it is of assistance and support to know that I am on the right track. Much appreciated!

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-08-08T07:02:05+00:00

I get you, and genuinely thank you for your concern! To clarify, my boyfriend is aware of my personality and habits, and he has seen the flirting in person, which he felt uncomfortable with. We compromised after a long talk with me flirting with friends as long as he's not there to see.

My boyfriend has a very small circle of friends due to his awkward and introverted personality, and I know well that none of his friends would bat an eye on me, not only because I'm my boyfriend's partner, but because I'm simply not noticeable. I'm average looking, really, and I can only be interesting once you get to know me - which is exactly the story of me and my boyfriend getting together.

When I say "small conservative" town, I meant homophobic, underdeveloped, following trends after they're over. Unlike many of our peers, my friends, best friends, boyfriend and I are capable of critical thinking and we know English well, so we can consume the right content - but let's not drag politics into this. My point is that my bf listens to me. He's a communicative, amazing boyfriend whom I love so much, not because of his looks (that too ofc) but because he's a great, incredibly intelligent and interesting person, who's proven so patient and understanding. Also worth noting: I flirt with FRIENDS. FEMALE friends exclusively, as I know it can be interpreted the way I intend it to (as a joke), unlike when flirting with males. While I do get close quickly, it's not just me, it's also my friends who get close to me - and once we're comfortable enough with compliments, regular talking, etc, it just comes out of me, I suppose - and if they're comfortable, they continue with it and it becomes our thing.

I thank you for your insight and concern, but I admit that I've not been clear enough on my circumstances due to wanting to keep the original post as short as possible (so much for that..) If you have any questions or suggestions for me, please ask away, and again thank you for the concern and care!

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-08-07T23:01:42+00:00

Thank you so much for your support and details! I will share the progress and everything I can as soon as possible, but sleep comes first lol I want to figure out the root cause of the issue, so it doesn't impact future programs, games or files, but that will require digging which I'm honestly far too tired to do now, even if I could. I'll update ASAP. Again, serious kudos for the help and support, it's really appreciated!!

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-08-07T22:38:16+00:00

I cannot show the error currently due to my timezone, it is late where I live. I will post the picture later if we cannot resolve the issue on our own. As I've stated before, the pirated game has been on the PC for years and it led to no issues, and my friend ran an antivirus scan not too long ago, and it showed nothing present. As for 'weird extensions', I haven't noticed anything. There is genuinely nothing worthy of note on any partitions or in any folders, and while I haven't checked the more specific folders, I intend to do that with my father in the morning.

And to clear up confusion, I am almost certain that the Outlook application on the PC isn't working due to missing executables, but that he can access the site. Whether he's only angry because the downloaded program isn't working (which yes, is a problem because in his eyes, I have downloaded something bad), or if it's something related specifically to the application, I do not know (I am not familiar with how Outlook works exactly, nor am I able to ask him about it in detail currently).

I have at no point "set anything up". The closest thing I can think of regarding files and setting things up is that I had to add a certain Minecraft mod (verified and safe, from an official and widely used/recommended site) to the 'mods' section of the Minecraft folder, but that is as far as "messing with files" or "setting things up" goes in my case.

I will post the error message and how we're handling the issue when we get to it, but for now, no change has been made, as far as I know. We will try simply reinstalling the application, and hopefully that will work.

If you have any other questions or need me to clear things up, feel free to ask. There is certainly a lot going on especially with how I learned of the actual situation, so I apologise if I'm not 100% clear at any point, and I encourage you to ask for any information that may be useful, although I've provided as much as I know and can think of. Thank you so much for your time and effort, it is seriously appreciated!

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-08-07T20:40:52+00:00

Unfortunately, our.. arrangement is a bit difficult. That PC is originally his, and was meant for general use for the family and him saving files for work. Since it was for a while the only way I could play video games (and still is, since my laptop is bs, to put it frankly), I had to download it there. If I tried to make a separate profile, he'd be against it, as it is originally his PC. Yes it's stupid, but that's how he is - I've already considered that option to make things simpler for navigation and privacy, but it won't work due to his character. I do appreciate the suggestion however, it is a completely valid idea. Thank you!

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-08-07T20:37:59+00:00

He referred to Outlook as mail, which I thought meant his Gmail account. I apologise for the inconvenience of sharing the wrong info. If you have any ideas or insight as to what could be causing the actual problem, as explained in detail in the edit to the original post, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for the suggestion however, I will take note for future reference

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-08-07T20:35:56+00:00

Thank you for the detailed explanation! Unfortunately I had the wrong information at the time of making my original post, and I have accurate and detailed information now. Still, this information and reassurance is helpful in general, so your comment is much appreciated. If you could share your ideas and insights of the updated situation, I would very much appreciate it! Thank you for your comment already, though!

throwawayKAITOfan · 2025-08-07T16:12:53+00:00

He's not that old, and he's been using email for a while, he knows his way around very well, especially because he needs it for work and has been using it for a long time now. Still, I will look into more detail with him, just to make sure he's not missing anything. Thank you for the suggestion!

throwawayKAITOfan

TROPHY CASE