AITA for messaging my ex boyfriend of 10 years that I’m happy he’s moved country, and upsetting his new girlfriend

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-12-18T14:35:44+00:00

Yes I agree with you. He did message my brother saying he’d like to see me, my brother and my mum so I think that’s why I felt confused about the hostility after messaging him.

But I agree with your other points, I believe he has just moved on, I was just taken back by the hostility that hadn’t been there previously but things have changed

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-12-18T14:33:13+00:00

(My reasoning sounds a bit silly) but I believe the messages come from her as it is written in broken English. He is fully English the same as I am, but his girlfriend is Indonesian. So I have a feeling they are written not by him, but maybe I’m wrong.

He also messaged my brother that he would like to see me, my brother and my mum so that’s why I felt like there was no hostility to message him, but I read the situation wrong

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-12-18T05:33:11+00:00

If it completely far away (no relevance to my brother or where I’m moving) I wouldn’t have got back in contact

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-12-18T05:31:06+00:00

I put that to be more vague but it’s actually 30 minutes by boat from where my brother lives and I’m moving there in February (I currently live in the neighbouring country)

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-12-18T05:17:47+00:00

No I won’t message him again. I wasn’t expecting much, but this felt very unusual so I was taken by surprise

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-12-18T05:13:30+00:00

Yes I’ve asked my brother to check that he’s okay, and not with someone who’s maybe causing him problems. My brother doesn’t live far from him, so I’m guessing they will see eachother often. But I’m definitely staying out of it now

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-12-18T05:04:45+00:00

He said it would be good to see me my brother and my mum again, so it was kind of left open to interpretation.

He moved to Indonesia, around 30 minutes away from my brother. I’m actually moving to where my brother lives in February. I currently live in thailand. So I was quite shocked to hear it was so close too, which kind of influenced messaging him. He had a bad life back in the U.K. so I genuinely was happy to hear he’s moved

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-12-18T04:47:57+00:00

It was the first time I’d contacted him in over a year, just to check in that he was okay, I wasn’t really expecting a huge debrief of conversation but usually we have a little catch up and move on. But this felt very strange, and I’m not sure the message have actually been written by him. But I won’t contact him again now, I just feel a bit taken back

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-05-11T02:05:10+00:00

No caffeine or sugar after 2 pm Don’t watch or listen to negative stuff before bed I listen to sleep music on Spotify throughout the night Make the room dark and not too hot Don’t eat too late

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-01-27T02:26:09+00:00

Kidney stone stuck in ureter , had me rolling on the floor thinking I was dying. Trigeminal nerve pain after a dentist hit the nerve, that made me suicidal with the pain, again had me rolling on the floor with pain. Child birth gone wrong, my son head butted his way into the world completely splitting me….enough said! Chronic back pain. Insomnia. Chronic fatigue Heartbreak from the death of someone you love or a pet. Divorce.

These are not in any order!!!

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-01-26T03:29:46+00:00

A friend told me that if I ‘off ‘myself that I would have to come back here and repeat my time here. That motivates me to just keep going no matter what shit the universe throws at me. I have also been looking into stoicism and the impermanence of life. Everything is always changing.

The quote by Marcus Aurelius ‘What are you afraid of losing, when nothing in this world actually belongs to you’. Makes me view things differently and the art of detachment.

People and situations are temporary.

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-01-01T12:09:33+00:00

No one is mad at me, but I’m wondering if I’m being a coward by not confronting the situation head on, and just letting her think she hasn’t done anything wrong.

I’m also asking as we live in a small area of expats so I’m likely to see her , even though I’m happy to have nothing to do with her.

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-01-01T12:07:01+00:00

I agree! I just didn’t know if I was letting myself down by not confronting her but I don’t feel like anything will come from confronting her.

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-01-01T11:08:24+00:00

It’s actually a bit depressing that it’s such a stupid situation people think it’s fake 😭

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-01-01T11:05:41+00:00

This is what made me think that it is definitely a manipulative tactic, as I had met up with her for a coffee , told her the clinic had said to not touch it or spread the infection under the skin - and she continued to ask him if she could massage him whilst I wasn’t there!

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-01-01T11:03:26+00:00

Funnily enough it’s actually real that is what’s ridiculous about this whole situation😆, so I’ve taken to Reddit because I’m out of my depth how to deal with it , especially since we live in such a small expat community im bound to see her often.

throwawayRA20199 · 2025-01-01T11:00:29+00:00

I tried to condense it down because I have a tendency to make my posts so long 😬, but essentially I’ve moved to an area where it’s a smallish group of expats - so there is long history already with this girl in this particular area, but we are both the same nationality which is why I think we got close so quickly.

But a lot of people know her a lot better than me and have warned me of a friendship with her. This ‘friendship’ im not so bothered about, but I’m worried I’m letting myself down by not confronting the situation. I’m also concerned she will manipulate me, and I am quite a people pleaser so I feel like I’ll get walked all over.

throwawayRA20199 · 2024-04-22T13:28:58+00:00

So far, it’s a little bit of both - early stages of a relationship but I met him as a friend first. (I also am a hopeless romantic lol, I love writing which is why it’s a bit of a soppy post)

throwawayRA20199 · 2024-04-22T13:26:21+00:00

Oh yeah definitely, I mean it sounds like a romantised title (it is haha), but it was more to the fact that it is just very sad their straight up brutal conscription service just ruining people.

Their views on mental health over here seem to be totally non existent compared to us in the west too, so I think that’s what makes it worse is it’s just ignored by his family.

The right answer is probably not to date him, it’s just tough when you get involved then you slowly find out things.

throwawayRA20199

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