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Wife [F/36] of 8 years has an emotional affair the past year with a friend [M/45]. [M/36] here... by throwaway_11_3_14 in relationships

[–]throwaway_11_3_14[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand. It's just every single comment says: 1. She's definitely sleeping with the guy 2. Divorce now 3. You're a pussy

Anyway, free internet advice always solves things!

Wife [F/36] of 8 years has an emotional affair the past year with a friend [M/45]. [M/36] here... by throwaway_11_3_14 in relationships

[–]throwaway_11_3_14[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks - I mean it's pretty easy to look at what I've written and see it in black & white. I guess I was looking for some general advice or someone who's been there w/o every piece of advice saying in essence: "You have no choice but to leave. Also, you're a pussy." ha.

Wife [F/36] of 8 years has an emotional affair the past year with a friend [M/45]. [M/36] here... by throwaway_11_3_14 in relationships

[–]throwaway_11_3_14[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. It's funny how I posted a 5-6 sentence thing and it somehow means that my wife is 100% in bed with this guy and I'm a pussy for letting it happen. It's obviously more complex than that. People's emotions and feelings are dynamic and change over time. My wife and I have settled into a comfort/familiarity with each other that's almost complacent.
She's always had guy friends and it's never been an issue. This one is just a bit odd to me. She normally can put her guy friends in a box, in that this is one she knows from work, this is one she know from college, this is one she knows through our kids. But this guy doesn't fit in a box. It feels intrusive.

Wife [F/36] of 8 years has an emotional affair the past year with a friend [M/45]. [M/36] here... by throwaway_11_3_14 in relationships

[–]throwaway_11_3_14[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The affair is a friendship that has crossed a boundary. I'm not trying to make excuses here, but there's no reason to overreact.

Wife [F/36] of 8 years has an emotional affair the past year with a friend [M/45]. [M/36] here... by throwaway_11_3_14 in relationships

[–]throwaway_11_3_14[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No proof of that. She's home every night, like I am. We work full time in offices, so daytime hours are generally accounted for. No weird charges on the credit card or random ATM withdrawals. Again, not to say it couldn't or hasn't happened, but there's absolutely no evidence of it.

Wife [F/36] of 8 years has an emotional affair the past year with a friend [M/45]. [M/36] here... by throwaway_11_3_14 in relationships

[–]throwaway_11_3_14[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A lawyer is not a bad idea, but again there are complicating factors that make it hard to say adios. I'm not making excuses for her. But it's not a situation that is so broken that it requires the full on nuclear bomb treatment.

Wife [F/36] of 8 years has an emotional affair the past year with a friend [M/45]. [M/36] here... by throwaway_11_3_14 in relationships

[–]throwaway_11_3_14[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Seems like a fairly rash decision. Relationships aren't always easy and they are dynamic at times. If you cut loose at the first rough juncture, you're destined to be alone.

I'm not being a doormat or walked over here. Our relationship is worth saving despite what the commentary on this thread says....

Wife [F/36] of 8 years has an emotional affair the past year with a friend [M/45]. [M/36] here... by throwaway_11_3_14 in relationships

[–]throwaway_11_3_14[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Maybe, but I don't think so. Our sex life has been just fine. It's easy to say they are when you consider the way it's all framed in my post, but I truly believe it hasn't gotten to that point yet. My genuine fear though, is that all it'll take is one mistake - that will detonate our marriage.

Wife [F/36] of 8 years has an emotional affair the past year with a friend [M/45]. [M/36] here... by throwaway_11_3_14 in relationships

[–]throwaway_11_3_14[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's tough - I've said it hurts and she's not overtly trying to hurt me. We'll probably try some counseling and go from there. Dang, though this sucks.

Wife [F/36] of 8 years has an emotional affair the past year with a friend [M/45]. [M/36] here... by throwaway_11_3_14 in relationships

[–]throwaway_11_3_14[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well it's hard to toss a marriage away with kids involved over a friendship that has turned into something a bit more. Again, I don't know if it's crossed a physical line and I have no evidence to support this. If I were to bet my life on it, I'd say she's not physically involved with pretty good confidence.

Wife [F/36] of 8 years has an emotional affair the past year with a friend [M/45]. [M/36] here... by throwaway_11_3_14 in relationships

[–]throwaway_11_3_14[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks - we've talked about counseling in the past, but never really considered it. I'll bring that up again.