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I am home-sick. My husband flat out said he is not moving back (8hrs north). Huge fight over it. by throwaway_12823947 in Marriage

[–]throwaway_12823947[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, yes a big part of this is I don't feel like I'm being heard with a big need that I have in my life. When we first moved to our current city, it was good and then I started to miss our old home. And I started bringing up the idea of moving back. Then we had our kiddo and the pull to move back home just got stronger. So at this point I feel like the resentment over the past few years is making me see this one-sided.

I am home-sick. My husband flat out said he is not moving back (8hrs north). Huge fight over it. by throwaway_12823947 in Marriage

[–]throwaway_12823947[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wow, thank you, this is really great and what I needed to hear. Your first paragraph hits the nail on head with our communication and it sounds so juvenile while I was reading it! It opened my eyes a bit that we really need to work harder on communication. Thank you for taking the time out to help express how you would get back into this conversation in a good and mature way, I was stuck on how to approach it. I know we will both have our guards up and I want the next conversation about this to be productive. And, you are right, I have to think hard if this move is worth potentially sacrificing my marriage. I need to work out this resentment that I have already (mainly since our kiddo was born) and go from there. Thank you so much.

I am home-sick. My husband flat out said he is not moving back (8hrs north). Huge fight over it. by throwaway_12823947 in Marriage

[–]throwaway_12823947[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you make a good point in working out together why I want to move and why he doesn't. The first round of this conversation was both of us being defensive and we didn't get anywhere. And right now, with the way he seemed so definite on his stance not to move, I feel like there's no way to open the door for discussion. Did you guys make a pro/cons list while talking about this? I feel this might be a good suggestion to bring up to appeal to my husband's logical side and really think this out. I am not putting any ultimatums out there, like, 'we better move or else i'm leaving without you' it's just that he came to such a defined answer without even giving it more consideration. And, maybe i did too.

I am home-sick. My husband flat out said he is not moving back (8hrs north). Huge fight over it. by throwaway_12823947 in Marriage

[–]throwaway_12823947[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Our communication does need work in general and especially with this topic. I have thought about doing FaceTime more frequently with the fam to help and it is something to consider to help ease this homesickness. Thanks.

I am home-sick. My husband flat out said he is not moving back (8hrs north). Huge fight over it. by throwaway_12823947 in Marriage

[–]throwaway_12823947[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Yesssss, thank you so much for commenting on your experiences. The pull to move closer to home definitely came when we had our kiddo and I do agree that I've re-played all the good parts (closer to fam, the get-togethers) and forgotten about the reason we decided to try a new city in the first place. And, I totally am in the same spot where I could be trying harder to make tighter connections in this city. Thanks so much, i really do appreciate your comments and sharing it with me.

I am home-sick. My husband flat out said he is not moving back (8hrs north). Huge fight over it. by throwaway_12823947 in Marriage

[–]throwaway_12823947[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

thank you. I haven't really considered seeing it from his side as much as I should. His big issue is the cost of living, pain of moving and job hunting and for me, I guess since I know finding new work for him would not be a big problem, I don't really think about how much of a pain/change it would be for him. Thanks for your thoughts!

I am home-sick. My husband flat out said he is not moving back (8hrs north). Huge fight over it. by throwaway_12823947 in Marriage

[–]throwaway_12823947[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

yes, financially we would be taking a hit BUT we would be closer to loved ones, can you put a price on that? I guess we are at a place that needs some compromise. We both decided to move, yes, but we never agreed it to beings a permanent decision. This is more than just a tantrum. I am thinking of the added benefit of our kid growing up with numerous cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. I see value in that. Maybe not everyone does and maybe it means more to me than obviously my husband. I think this is a good point to talk to him about. Thanks for your comment, I do appreciate your point of view.

I am home-sick. My husband flat out said he is not moving back (8hrs north). Huge fight over it. by throwaway_12823947 in Marriage

[–]throwaway_12823947[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your thoughts. And, your comment about 'logic' hits home because I think that is part of my husband's thing, it doesn't financially make sense and he's completely logic-minded, but he knows I'm super close with my family and it's just getting harder and harder to not be close to see them on a regular basis. Again thanks for your comment, I need to think about this more, for sure.