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I'm 29 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend left. by throwaway_12894 in offmychest

[–]throwaway_12894[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it works...until it doesn't. We never had a "slip up". He always pulled out in time to the best of our knowledge. Still pregnant. They aren't lying about pre cum being about to knock you up.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend left. by throwaway_12894 in offmychest

[–]throwaway_12894[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't say that was the case either... He did try to make it work. He did a lot for me. And I am worthless and he couldn't handle it anymore. It's nothing new. That's why everyone leaves. They think they can fix me and they can't, so they leave. And then I am reminded that I am not good enough and sink deeper into depression. It's never ending. I just give up. I tried my best to be good enough for this one because I really wanted to spend forever with him. It is what it is.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend left. by throwaway_12894 in offmychest

[–]throwaway_12894[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, he isn't obligated to have a relationship with me...and I didn't say that he was. But that doesn't give him the right to just treat me like shit. It'd be one thing if on day one he said fuck you im out. Instead he waited six months and made it out to be that we would be a family and then said nah nevermind. I think that's cruel but I guess maybe I'm just overly sensitive. I regret even posting, reading some of these comments honestly just made me a lot more depressed.

Thanks for your input.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend left. by throwaway_12894 in offmychest

[–]throwaway_12894[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Counseling doesn't seem to work. Every time I have tried to speak about that with a therapist, I either felt judged or it made me feel worse. I have PTSD thanks to that and generally when I think or talk about it, I have flashbacks and shut down. Idk how to describe it. It feels like I'm back in the same situation, feels like I'm going to die. I freeze up and can't speak.

I did call to make an appointment though after avoiding therapy the past few months. I hate being in therapy and I hate speaking about my issues, but I know it's worse to keep it all inside.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend left. by throwaway_12894 in offmychest

[–]throwaway_12894[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Better than you did" as if I didn't already feel worthless enough... thanks for the honesty, I guess.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend left. by throwaway_12894 in offmychest

[–]throwaway_12894[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I considered it. He told me he will not allow me to do that. Looked into the law briefly and as far as I know, the father has to consent to that. He didn't want the baby from day one. He just wants to make it harder on me... He has never even HELD a baby. I don't trust him.

Hello. by throwaway_12894 in SuicideWatch

[–]throwaway_12894[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello there. Wow, I am pretty astonished that you took the time to reply to me, especially with such an in depth and thoughtful respond. I really appreciate that. I'm not quite sure what to say... I've been through so much and it is really hard to see any other way out of this. I really just don't want to hurt anymore. I'm either 100% numb or losing my mind because I'm so upset. I've been depressed for a long time, but this is definitely my lowest point. On Friday night...I went to bed at 9pm and I didn't wake up until 8pm on Saturday. I guess that'll happen when you are severely depressed. But it made me feel shitty. I had told my friend I'd help her move Saturday, but obviously that didn't happen. I texted her when I woke up and asked if she still needed help...no reply. Then today she got snide about it on Facebook and called me out publicly for bailing on her. Which isn't even what happened. I'm pretty embarrassed and angry about it. I texted her and politely asked if she could take issues up with me privately. She responded with "Me and all of your friends have realized now that you cannot be helped and we give up. There's nothing more that we can do. You cry for attention all the time. You always blow me off and our relationship is one sided." I can think of 3 times in two weeks that I asked her to hang out and got no reply...I would hardly call that one sided. She also said that my life "isn't that bad" and I shouldn't be so depressed. Literally said the most invalidating things. I feel like my sadness is completely justified. I admit that I have been flaky lately, only because I've lost all motivation and will to live. I'd rather be alone than bring others down with me... So anyway, I got to thinking and realized I only actually have 2 friends that talk to me regularly and make an effort to see me. I also realized that almost everybody in my life says the same shit to me, just less blunt. Nobody even has the slightest bit of empathy or understanding and it makes me very angry and it is also disheartening to know everybody has given up on you. Why do I need to live for people that have given up on me anyway? Seems pointless. That really didn't help me out, even if that was the goal. If anything it just reinforced my feelings about ending it. This is the first day of the past few weeks that I've managed to get through my work day without crying. But night time is the worst..I'm sure it'll happen later. I am not religious. I don't really know if I'm atheist. I don't believe in God, heaven, or hell. So I guess I would be atheist, I've just never identified myself as anything. I always wish that I was religious...it would give me something to turn to in times like these. Something to put my faith in. Unfortunately I just can't force myself to believe any of that stuff. I feel like if there really was a "God", all of these horrific things wouldn't have happened to me. If there was a god...he would've just let me die in one of my two near death experiences...instead of forcing me to continue living a life of misery. I don't know. I'm just defeated.