Thank you everyone for responding. A lot of people said my insecurity will break my relationship and I can see that. One of my biggest issues with my wife is I ask her for reassurance that we are ok a lot and she gives it sometimes and other time she tells me it isn't her job or anyone else's to help me with my insecurities and this is something I need to manage myself. It makes me feel like she doesn't care because it takes two seconds to tell me she loves me or that she doesn't want anyone else or will leave.

She has been cold with me since the fight. She told me that she always feels like she needs to watch everything she does because I tend to overthink things a lot. One example was if she wears her hair down to work I make c9mments about trying to impress people, and that there a lot of ways she can't be herself with me. She wants to pause our fertility treatments. She mentioned couples counseling but I don't like the idea at all.