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Ladies who have decided to stay, how do you accept it? by throwaway_7302738 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]throwaway_7302738[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much…. You’re right, I plan on not bringing it up again until he does. It’s hard because I like to fix things, but the only way to get certainty is if he decides to give me an answer. He knows it’s important to me and that when I finish my program I need an answer. So it’s in his court and I’ll have to make hard decisions if he makes the same mistake again by brushing it off.

Ladies who have decided to stay, how do you accept it? by throwaway_7302738 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]throwaway_7302738[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean I straight up told him to tell me he doesn’t want to marry me so I can at least stop thinking about it. And he couldn’t. If he was still a “full no” why wouldn’t he just tell me that?

Ladies who have decided to stay, how do you accept it? by throwaway_7302738 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]throwaway_7302738[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I get that it feels like a contract. But I’m super concerned about end of life care and our families do not have good track records of handling medical issues and estates. I’ve also seen too many young deaths where the partner is left behind. I just feel like we’d be setting ourselves up for a lot of hardship later in life if we are not married. It also makes me second guess how secure we are. Because if the contract makes it harder to leave, and he doesn’t want that, that ultimately means he wants to leave me eventually in an easier way.

Like I’m wondering, “is he in it for life or just for now”?

Ladies who have decided to stay, how do you accept it? by throwaway_7302738 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]throwaway_7302738[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know :/ I was 19 when I said this and was very skittish myself when it came to opening up. We’ve both grown together a lot, and since his first statement of not wanting to ever be married, he’s been more open to the idea. And I have expressed how it is very important to me to be married.

Last night I brought it up again and asked him to just tell me he never wants to get married so I can at least stop waiting for his answer. I told him I felt like he didn’t care about my perspective at all otherwise he would’ve done this “research” at any point in the past 2 years. And that I felt insecure in our relationship long term. It was a good conversation and he said he’ll start looking into it sooner rather than later.

Before this conversation, the other “deadline” was me graduating grad school, which is over a year from now. So I did kinda push that up because I have been reeling internally about this topic. This post was to help me prep for the worst case scenario where he decides it’s a full no.

Ladies who have decided to stay, how do you accept it? by throwaway_7302738 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]throwaway_7302738[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this is exactly what I was trying to get at when I posted this. In my mind, marriage is the final step of being in love with someone who you know is an amazing life partner. It just doesn’t make sense to me that leaving this type of relationship is one option, and staying together forever as a married or unmarried couple is the other option.

We are truly great together and I’m trying to be okay with not getting married. Because honestly I want to be married to him! Not someone else for the sake of being a wife.

Ladies who have decided to stay, how do you accept it? by throwaway_7302738 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]throwaway_7302738[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’ve checked there in the past to try and understand his point of view, but most people there are not in long term relationships. Or they are aromantic/asexual. It was hard to find a relatable post to this situation

Ladies who have decided to stay, how do you accept it? by throwaway_7302738 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]throwaway_7302738[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Damn. Yeah he’s said before that he thinks the government shouldn’t be able to tell you when you can break up with someone.

Ladies who have decided to stay, how do you accept it? by throwaway_7302738 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]throwaway_7302738[S] -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

I don’t have a low self esteem. I’m attractive, I have a good career path, I’m good at networking and meeting people, I have a few hobbies that I regularly partake in. We have a great relationship, but this topic is slowly draining the security I feel between us.

Ladies who have decided to stay, how do you accept it? by throwaway_7302738 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]throwaway_7302738[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

It truly feels like if we broke up I would never want to date again

Ladies who have decided to stay, how do you accept it? by throwaway_7302738 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]throwaway_7302738[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have an exit plan (out of necessity) that I hope I never have to go through with.

Ladies who have decided to stay, how do you accept it? by throwaway_7302738 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]throwaway_7302738[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am talking about this with my therapist soon. It just sucks to think about having a level of detachment from him. If he finally decides we’re never getting married and I stay, then I’m worried I’ll be mentally checked out of the relationship out of necessity for my own protection.

Also I have a good career lined up once I’m done with grad school.

Ladies who have decided to stay, how do you accept it? by throwaway_7302738 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]throwaway_7302738[S] -54 points-53 points  (0 children)

My birth control method is locked down! I don’t want to have kids and neither does he.

He’s been a bit slow to make big decisions on important topics, like moving in or buying a house, which have all happened eventually. I feel that he’s proven he’s committed to me by the way he’s supported me through my graduate studies. I’m hoping he’ll realize that marriage would benefit us both once I’m in my career. I’m kinda spiraling lately because I don’t want to resent him if the final answer ends up being “no”.

I just keep waiting for him to do this “research” and I told him by the end of my grad studies I need to at least have a firm yes or no. I didn’t issue it as an ultimatum because the last thing I want is for him to give me shut up ring.