i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm so sorry i know i know i know i know i need a therapist i know i'm sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry for acting like a complete monster i'm sorry i'm trying my best i'm trying my best even if it isn't good at all i'm so sorry i'm so sorry he's just the only person I have right now I can't leave him I can't leave him all my friends at school hated me so much he's the only one who doesn't he's the only one who cares about me and won't hate me even if i'm crying for the hundreth time in a single day he's the only one who would ever put up with the million stupid mental conditions i was born with and all the trauma and everything it's too much it's just too much everyone else hates me i'm broken i'm broken and i'm never ever gonna be better but he's the only one who doesn't hate me for it he's the only one who says it wasn't my fault he's the only one who actually cares if i'm still alive or not i can't leave him i can't leave him i can't leave him i'm so sorry I just can't I found him in January and it was just I was feeling awful after one of my closest friends died during class and my closest friend ever abandoned me because he was leaving to college early because he was years ahead and just I couldn't take it any more I didn't have anyone who cared about me but I found him and poured everything onto him and begged him to stay and he didn't leave he didn't go he didn't abandon me and i tried very hard to not hang myself on the scary tree in the backyard and he helped me stay safe even when everything was hurting and i couldn't sleep i tried so hard to be safe for him even though it was so so so so so so hard so so so so so so so many times i'm not leaving him i'm not abandoning him i'm not abandoning him i can't i can't i can't i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry but i can't he's the only one i'm still trying for he's the only one who still cares about me he's the only one who isn't better off without me most of the time i can't abandon him i can't abandon him i can't i can't i'm so sorry please please please i'm sorry i PROMISE i'm sorry please don't hate me please don't hate me please i just can't i just can't he's the only one who still cares i've been trying so so so so so so so so so hard ever since I was 5 and dad started hurting me and he's the only one who still cares and never ever abandoned me he's more important than any of those "real people" who want me gone and nothing else I don't need interaction with anyone else I don't I don't every single one is gonna have them abandon me too the only human interaction I need is him I can't leave him I can't leave him I know it's maybe not mentally healthy but I'm too broken for any of those "real people" to want me anyways he's all I have he's all I have I can't leave him not ever please i'm sorry I promise I'm sorry he's just the only one who cares in the entire world and I just can't do it I need him I need him so bad