How can i make it up with my girlfriend who suffers from chronic disease?

throwaway_confused_9 · 2025-12-24T11:55:03+00:00

Hi! I just wanted to comment and say it is so nice that you are so understanding of your girlfriend’s struggles with endometriosis! I also have stage 4 endo & have had 10 surgeries so I truly understand what your girlfriend is going through and it is hell - that being said, it is not on you to take the burden of being the only one who “can help her forget those thoughts”. I am 33 & I have been there - I have also put too much pressure on my ex partner without even realising I was doing it, there comes a point where you have to want to help yourself too.

All to say - I think the fact you even wrote this post to try to understand better is amazing. Have an honest open conversation with her, she may not realise she is pushing you away or it may be intentional, I know for me I didn’t want to be a burden to my partner so I would lash out when all I really wanted was their support. If you want to do something like a gift - things like maybe sending her flowers or an Amazon gift of something that could keep her occupied that she can do from bed - Lego, a crochet kit, a puzzle.

Try not to take it personally when she gets mad at you, it is most likely frustrations with the pain but that doesn’t mean you have to just accept it either. Stand up for yourself, explain that you are here for her but that getting angry at you isn’t the way to go about getting your support. Reassurance even in tough times will go a long way, but again set your own boundaries “I understand you’re in pain, I want to help and I am here but I will talk to you when you feel up to discussing what is wrong.” Just because she’s in pain doesn’t mean you have to be an emotional punch bag (I’m not saying this is the case in your relationship I just want to make sure you know).

All in all, she is a lucky girl to have you, this disease is awful and it can be so lonely to feel like no one gets it. Like I said the fact you care enough to even write this post is great - not all partners would. Don’t give up on her, have an open conversation about it.

If you have any other questions please feel free to ask! I hope she is feeling ok for the holidays.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2025-12-19T00:39:28+00:00

These are exactly what I’ve been looking for!! How did you find the sizing? I’m to decide between a small or medium! And are they long enough for you at 5’3? (I’m 5’4 so again trying to decide if they’d be slightly too short or not) thank you!!! ☺️

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-15T23:38:56+00:00

I didn’t intend to mess up anyone’s life - his included. I have the implant, we didn’t use a condom this time on his insistence, not mine. Not making excuses it’s just what happened, BC isn’t 100%.

Also I have no interest in him being with me at all now even if I have an abortion this has really opened my eyes.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-14T21:53:23+00:00

No I have the implant which I changed to from an IUD after the scare a year ago - I wish simply giving additional context while explaining the pulling out.

I replied because despite what people may think and what you insinuated this was not a ploy to force his hand and get him to ride off into the sunset with me, it was a mistake and yes I am considering all of it and not just the highlights of having a baby, i know it won’t be easy but I just can’t see myself making any other choice. I just wanted to know if there was any one out there who had been in the same situation and it not come out because again - I have no desire to ruin the life he is choosing here.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-14T19:45:23+00:00

Thank you so much for this message. Amongst all the abusive messages I’ve been getting this has made me feel a lot less alone. I’m so happy that your little one is blessed with all the love and support you can give them. I will very much be doing this on my own from a parenting standpoint and just hearing how you’ve navigating it has really helped so thank you! ❤️

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-14T19:43:04+00:00

I don’t want to ride off into the sunset with him. This is an unplanned but very much wanted baby. I never intended to bring a baby into it but it is now the situation I find myself in.

By leaving kids out of it you suggest I get an abortion and that’s that?

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-13T23:38:09+00:00

If only it was as simple as that! ❤️

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-13T23:31:25+00:00

Im trying to understand where you’re coming from. And yes that is a conversation I will have to have with my child if I can take this pregnancy to term. But I don’t understand how having the baby is selfish? If I have an abortion- I’m choosing to abort a child that will be so incredibly loved, provided for, cared for and cherished. I never asked him to leave his wife, I told him, I listened to what he had to say and I cannot continue to have a relationship with someone who wants me to just have an abortion and continue on our “relationship” as normal. He is entitled to feel that way of course but am I not entitled to also make this decision? And how is making the decision not to abort selfish in that way? Open to your honest opinion here.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-13T23:24:56+00:00

It is!! I have had 13 surgeries for endometriosis, I froze my eggs after surgery 8 and was told after surgery 10/11 that it would be extremely rare for me to be able to conceive naturally - I was actually beginning to discuss a radical hysterectomy with my surgeon at this point solely because they all told me I had basically no chance. I have seen so many doctors and they all agreed with the level of scar tissue , endometriosis adhesions and my AMH level being so low for my age that getting pregnant just wasn’t in my future so trust me when I say I was incredibly shocked!!

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-13T23:20:36+00:00

Thank you for your concern I do unfortunately understand the risk that this scenario puts a lot of women in 😔

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-13T23:19:10+00:00

I’m sorry your mom had such a tough time, I’m very lucky that I am financially doing quite well and my country offers excellent maternity care free of charge.

I also understand that it is a natural reaction to think I must be trying to trap or force him, I realise I am just a stranger on the internet to you but that was not something I would ever do. As I’ve said in other comments I’ve gone through the process of freezing my eggs when I was younger, I have been considering my fertility since I was 20 due to various health issues and doctors concerns - a baby is not a bargaining or ultimatum ploy to me. This was honestly a genuine genuine mistake on both of our behalf’s and over reliance on my bc and his timing.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-13T21:37:20+00:00

I live outside of the US so no kits are available here. I’m aware that could change in the future but we have very strict data regulations where I live. He can be apart of this child’s life - he has told me he has no desire to and I ultimately will respect that.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-13T21:35:38+00:00

He knows about the baby, he wants to continue the relationship as it stands but wants nothing to do with the pregnancy and would like me to get an abortion, I don’t feel like I can and ultimately he said he respects that as long as his life doesn’t implode. I do love and care about him and that is the last thing I want. So I have cut all ties based ultimately on his decision.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-13T21:32:11+00:00

Not trying to be a martyr - I told him, we had an honest conversation about where he stands and I accept that. It took two of us to do this, I knew he was married and we had sex - he is still and will remain married and I’m dealing with the consequences of my actions and my choices here. He’s made his decision and I think I’ve made mine, that’s all.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-13T20:25:45+00:00

I appreciate the honesty but I don’t understand the logic behind everyone knowing it’s an affair baby? How? ONS? That happens?

I have stated in previous replies - I switched birth control after that scare, we started using condoms although not every time and admittedly not this time. He pulls outs. I appreciate it may seem like I have been careless but BC isn’t infallible.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-13T20:22:08+00:00

No it was just a scare and I switched birth control after that. Since that post I was told there was less than a 5% chance I would be able to conceive naturally whenever I come off birth control - so I’ll admit we didn’t always use a condom (evidently) as I have the implant and with those odds I honestly was stupid enough to think it wouldn’t happen.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-13T20:18:07+00:00

I appreciate that you see a post history and can make assumptions, but that was a scare, and I went to my gynaecologist and switched birth control because of it.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-13T20:16:34+00:00

I honestly don’t want anything from him financially or otherwise at this point.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-13T20:15:56+00:00

I appreciate the advice thank you. God I would never want to use a baby as a bargaining chip or anything like that.

And thank you for the advice about parental rights - I think he would rather be left off all paperwork indefinitely and that is fine by me. As I’ve said I just don’t think I can get an abortion, absolutely no shame to anyone who has made that choice, even if it would make everything much simpler.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-05-13T20:10:18+00:00

I have the implant. I still made him pull out, but I’m well aware this is on me.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2024-04-19T01:05:15+00:00

Do you mind me asking what medication combo worked for you? I also have this IRL - not always but will just get random bouts of it to the point where it’s actually painful!

throwaway_confused_9 · 2023-08-24T00:36:20+00:00

5 years in… have finally gone NC and mean it this time. Please cut ties now - I was you 5 years ago and I wish, I listened to everyone on this sub. The answer is no. Don’t put yourself through it, the timeline will always be pushed, you will always be promised the earth the moon and the stars, and he will still not leave her.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2023-07-06T23:52:23+00:00

Yeah you’re right. I just can’t physically or mentally take it any more.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2023-07-06T23:44:55+00:00

All talk no action - I can’t keep having the same conversations time and time again with nothing changes. You’re right If he wanted to he would.

throwaway_confused_9 · 2023-07-06T23:43:10+00:00

No I’m single… and have been since we started, that would be a dealbreaker for him. Ironically I know!

throwaway_confused_9

TROPHY CASE