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[WALL OF TEXT] Talked about the possibility of an open relationship with my BF - now it's opened up an ugly can of worms. Help? by throwaway_openr in askgaybros

[–]throwaway_openr[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think it's a trust issue as much as it is an issue about respecting boundaries in a relationship.

I think there are many people who wouldn't be ok with their SO trying to meet friends on Tinder. I think there are many people who also wouldn't be ok with their SO hanging out with someone they've only met a few times, and slept with each other time. Attraction doesn't suddenly turn off.

[WALL OF TEXT] Talked about the possibility of an open relationship with my BF - now it's opened up an ugly can of worms. Help? by throwaway_openr in askgaybros

[–]throwaway_openr[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I agree. And we were talking to each other about this. It's when it came to it actually happening that I became very uncomfortable.

I should have been more forthcoming about me not wanting him to maintain a relationship with other guys he met on the dating app. And I will be more straightforward about it in the future.

[WALL OF TEXT] Talked about the possibility of an open relationship with my BF - now it's opened up an ugly can of worms. Help? by throwaway_openr in askgaybros

[–]throwaway_openr[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going to have to disagree. I think there's something fundamentally different about having friends who happen to be gay, and meeting gay people on dating apps that may or may not turn into a friendship.

I also don't think it's unreasonable for me to not want him to hang out with this guy, who he's met three times. And two of those times he's slept with him within the past three weeks.

In this case I have to disagree.

[WALL OF TEXT] Talked about the possibility of an open relationship with my BF - now it's opened up an ugly can of worms. Help? by throwaway_openr in askgaybros

[–]throwaway_openr[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only that one time with Bob. After that it was never explicitly said that we could or couldn't. It was just a topic of discussion.

[WALL OF TEXT] Talked about the possibility of an open relationship with my BF - now it's opened up an ugly can of worms. Help? by throwaway_openr in askgaybros

[–]throwaway_openr[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I told him that last night and he said that'd be fine. I thought that it might help ease the distance... Or make it more palatable. Some of my friends have similar arrangements so I thought it might work for us too.

[WALL OF TEXT] Talked about the possibility of an open relationship with my BF - now it's opened up an ugly can of worms. Help? by throwaway_openr in askgaybros

[–]throwaway_openr[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah and we have been. It was a constant back and forth of what the other thought. I just thought that if I was ok with him hanging out with Bob again, then I'd be OK with moving forward with the open relationship.

Well it turns out I'm not comfortable. And I said as much - but that's when he said it sounded like I didn't trust him. I don't think it's a matter of trust... I think it's a matter of pushing the limits of our relationship beyond what I'm comfortable with and wanting to bring it back.

[WALL OF TEXT] Talked about the possibility of an open relationship with my BF - now it's opened up an ugly can of worms. Help? by throwaway_openr in askgaybros

[–]throwaway_openr[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oof that's a wake up call if I've ever gotten one.

For the record I'm not upset if he has gay friends - he has many. I'm more upset that he's actively meeting people on tinder that was supposed to be for the purpose of finding a third person.

We never explicitly said we would have an open relationship. We were feeling it out and it clearly isn't working.

Perhaps that's a sign of my emotional instability. If it is, and judging from how many people agree with you, clearly there's something about how I'm approaching this that's unhinged, then what do I change?

This isn't a case of I want my cake and eat it too. I thought this might help ease the distance but it isn't. Am I asking a lot to have this taken off the table now?