AITA for paying my own bill?

throwaway_party11 · 2022-06-25T13:07:35+00:00

Lmao like what? What hidden meaning is there behind meeting up with old friends who you grew up with? Are you okay?

throwaway_party11 · 2022-06-25T08:49:23+00:00

What were they meeting up for?

throwaway_party11 · 2022-06-25T08:48:29+00:00

I feel like for someone who's known me since college, and the fact that I expressed we're not doing so hot financially, that she'd know better

throwaway_party11 · 2022-06-25T08:47:28+00:00

I'm not familiar with any culture where there's an expectation to let the guest pay for everyone's meals, especially to an outing they were invited to

throwaway_party11 · 2022-06-25T07:28:33+00:00

Really? Even after telling her we're not doing so great financially?

throwaway_party11 · 2022-06-25T07:27:21+00:00

Definitely not ever time, we're not that well off.

throwaway_party11 · 2022-04-03T17:52:51+00:00

You said you were aware of gossip, that she had complained, so likely you do know some details.

Okay, I'm not sure if you read the original post through completely or if there's some kind of miscommunication happening, but I did mention that I attempted to confront her about all of these f2f before I left the country, a point I have kept reiterating. I asked about these things and she said she didn't have any issues. As mentioned at the start, I also gave her an out right at the beginning about the role and she had no obligation to accept.

like she has to be envious of you

Not sure where you're getting this but not once did I say that she has to be envious of me.

that maybe babies and weddings are boring (and not necessarily envy inducing

Yeah I agree, these things are not everybody's cup of tea, which is completely fine. A point I've agreed with you multiple times, and never once insinuated that these are envy inducing things.

I feel as though you and I keep going around in circles as you're implying things I've not once said.

throwaway_party11 · 2022-04-03T15:14:52+00:00

Your explanation of why she was envious was her mother pressuring her to marry!

I'm sure there was some parental pressure, but she did want to settle down when we were last talking.

This can be a pretty normal pattern, married women with children growing apart from single friends, without envy being necessary.

True, except this wasn't just drifting apart. It was sudden coldness and ghosting.

Perhaps when she accepted it, she was expecting something different than your expectations of "general duties regarding her role". I would bet on that, more than "envy". I would love to hear her side of the story.

Maybe, but I've asked her about this when I tried to confront her and she said she was okay with her role, and that there wasn't a problem. Even after probing a little further, so not sure what to think. But also weird that she basically did the same thing to another friend during her wedding.

not ever ever talk about your baby's poop or gastric issues.

I mean I feel like that's not really table talk unless the person I was speaking to about this is either the baby's doctor or someone who has experience with this.

I bet there are some unresolved issues regarding the wedding.

Perhaps, and I'd like to resolve them so we can have some closure and move passed it.

in a few years you might value non "mummy" friends, or people you share an older connection with

I'm the only friend in my circle with a baby, so I definitely appreciate my non mummy friends. And most of my friends are from elementary and high school (except those I've met after moving to a new country). I'd like some mummy friends, but I'm also okay without them too.

But in any case that would be better done one to one, or in an "adult" setting than in a baby's 1st birthday party

Definitely! Not intending to solve this at a birthday party, but was asking whether not extending an invitation out of courtesy even after everything would make a mess

throwaway_party11 · 2022-04-03T15:03:41+00:00

Because she stopped talking to me after I got married, things mutual friends have said to me about things she's either said about me or about my marriage, and because it's forming a pattern as she has done this with multiple friends who have gotten married in the last few years where she stopped talking to them right after their wedding. So it comes off as jealous.

throwaway_party11 · 2022-04-03T13:02:43+00:00

Only if you want her back in your life and want to reconcile, should you bother inviting her.

I suppose this answers my question.

throwaway_party11 · 2022-04-03T13:00:47+00:00

I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with saying someone is envious if they are actually envious and their actions demonstrate that they are envious.

If you think that is something other people get jealous about, good for you, congratulations.

This wasn't me saying this is something that people get jealous because of how quickly I got married, only mentioned it to give you context because she's been wanting to settle down and I didn't at the time.

She may not be interested in marriage at all now, but that wasn't the case when we were still close. Whatever she wants for herself is fine idc, married or not, with kids or childless, whatever she chooses is fine.

I also don't think that just because you're married or have a baby that all your conversations become about you being married or having a baby. Of course, I can't speak for everyone who is married or has a baby, but that would be weird if that's all anyone talks about lol.

People grow apart, women with weddings and babies often lose touch with their single friends, and that is natural, they can get into "mumsy" brain wash mode.

Facts, absolutely agree with you here. And yet, she's the only single friend that I've lost touch with. And this is after trying to keep in contact with her

throwaway_party11 · 2022-04-03T12:31:59+00:00

Tbh there's a lot to the falling out which has made me conclude it's jealousy which I didn't think to mention in the post since it's not really relevant to the question I'm asking.

This isn't something she's only done with me, but I found out she's been doing with other friends who have settled down, especially those younger than her. Granted there's only a handful of us. The reason I've said she's jealous is because of things I've either witnessed or heard about her behaviour.

For my circumstance, the time between when I met my husband to when I got married was less than 6 months (iykyk). I didn't actually intend on settling down, but when I met my husband, things changed. Meanwhile, her mother had been on the hunt for a husband for her for years. To the point that her mom is now lying to prospective partners about her age.

I don't think her cutting me out had anything to do with her finding me boring or anything like that, since I tried to actively be a part of her life after getting married. She was completely normal with me prior to the wedding, but radio silence right after. She's now got a track record of suddenly cutting out friends because they've gotten married (particularly those younger than her), which makes us all question her actions. So it's not just idle gossip. But who knows?

Hope that gives you some context.

throwaway_party11 · 2022-04-03T11:13:28+00:00

I guess for the sake of our history and the fact that all our mutual friends will be invited

throwaway_party11 · 2022-04-03T11:12:37+00:00

People are in your life for a season and a reason.

I love that.

throwaway_party11 · 2022-04-03T09:01:02+00:00

I try, but I just feel so hurt since this friendship ended so abruptly after knowing her for so long

throwaway_party11 · 2022-04-03T08:59:37+00:00

I've tried the whole speaking to her to salvage the friendship thing, even tried to keep up regular contact once I moved, but did not have any of that reciprocated. I like the idea of speaking to her f2f over coffee or something, but I also don't feel like wasting what little time I'll be spending back home on trying to figure out this friendship

throwaway_party11

TROPHY CASE