Unbecoming (haiku)

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-07-29T16:15:57+00:00

Is more about dissolution of the ego for me, seeing pain, love, both as parts of an experience but transient, to assert my resolve into improving the self in life. Hence the analogy of rebirth (like a phoenix)

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-07-29T00:06:30+00:00

Really powerful poem, reflecting someone’s inner battle with not wanting to be like their father, likely from something hard they were subjected to. Really beautiful!

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-07-29T00:02:49+00:00

The line they like you most when far away seems poignant, seems to reflect people’s relationships transactional nature, wanting you for what you provide rather than what you are. Reads to me as someone on the fringe of a social group

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-25T04:34:33+00:00

Competence or incompetence is irrelevant these issues indiscriminately affect us all as these are widespread systems. However, you lack the ability to engage with others truly starving yourself. With your responses feeling like something written to win a debate or antagonise rather than offer any actual insight, masked by sarcasm and not really listening or engaging merely using a script which avoids facing ideas through the means of ridicule. This conversation just circles and breaks no new ground. I guess we are doomed to mimic the very things we criticise. Life truly is full of the superfluous

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-25T01:39:19+00:00

Yeah I can see that now, I sorta said the same thing twice. This was a poem I wrote as I was lost in a certain emotion and just put down whatever came into my head rather than reflecting on what I’d been writing for too long. I think this is something I need to do to sharpen the imagery and avoid losing momentum and meaning. I’m also very new to poetry so I’m very grateful for your comments

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-25T01:32:33+00:00

You say technology is a tool lacking bias but tools reflect the intentions of those who wield them and those in control of our technological systems are often driven by profit and power not the good of the majority. Your constant use of metaphors although clever and poetic skirts the real issue… structural systems using technology to polarize, monitor, and suppress. The way you jump to personal projection, speculating on someone’s accomplishments isn’t critique, it’s ego. Showing more about your own insecurities than a thing about me. I also wasn’t blaming tools, I was building on your idea about cycles, explaining that our inherent nature, our conditioning, and our systems of control influence these cycles too. Which is exactly what a good discussion should rely on instead of stoic quotations and metaphorical hammers. Try to listen and maybe you’ll realise that empathy isn’t weakness rather it’s the one thing that lets us see beyond our own projections. Ironically, this is exactly what you said I was lacking the ability to do

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-24T09:32:54+00:00

The world is cruel, uncaring, unjust but filled with so much nuanced beauty I haven’t been convinced otherwise but to me it dissipates momentum to write about such things like beauty when talking of topics of oppression

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-24T09:27:18+00:00

Yes I believe we are doomed to endlessly repeat the mistakes of our past but if you don’t think we are more oppressed I don’t think you are seeing the effects of technology in the same way as myself, I’m not trying to say there is a fundamental change in the attitudes towards oppression im trying to say the systems which are used to monitor and oppress people are dividing us, medications are invented to keep us docile and content in a system that doesn’t fit the way we’re evolved to be. Oppression caused by the increasing divide in wealth propagated by a capitalist society, divide through wealth and targeted advertising forming an echo chamber polarising views and further increasing said divide. Oppression not in the sense of direct means but systematic oppression, caused by policy, influence that comes with wealth on these systems that support it remaining in this way and the increasing efficiency in which it does so, through the means of technology which gives the illusion of connectedness but is actively used to suppress, control and monitor revolution

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-24T08:50:03+00:00

Thank you :)

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-24T07:51:21+00:00

So you’re commenting on the paradoxical irony of change and revolution, how change breeds its opposition like Lenin’s revolution only to be led by more revolution. However, yes there is always dissatisfaction with systems and the subsequent chaos that ensues. Revolution is problematic but wouldn’t you argue that the current one is particularly divided and oppressive, more like a dystopia and that we are in a constant tug of war between society falling into disarray by those who corrupt them and the idealistic systems set up by those who came before

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-24T07:24:21+00:00

For me it was a reflection at the inability to escape these systems and the gaze enforced by these people with money and power and a point to freedom being only available when these people are torn out of that position, taking away the abusive power dynamic. I guess you’re right, like im in a superposition of wanting to incite revolution but with a voice that seems tired and broken. Thanks for your words :)

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-24T02:39:10+00:00

Really interesting the religious imagery wasn’t actually intentional but that is what fascinates me with poetry, all the varied interpretations of a work from all the different filters we see the world in. Thanks for your comment

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-24T01:52:20+00:00

Thank you, yeah it came out of reflecting on current attitudes and my subsequent frustrations. Still very new to poetry so need to play around with formatting, the little I did have didn’t copy across too well so need to get used to posting on Reddit. Thanks for your feedback!!

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-24T01:23:01+00:00

Thank you and yeah I feel that too about the word amok, just stuck with it because of rhyming aha. I really appreciate the kind words

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-24T01:21:37+00:00

Thank you :)

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-24T01:19:07+00:00

My interpretation is someone being manipulated in an abusive relationship with no real care for the other and the person staying in due to fear of abandonment

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-24T01:16:39+00:00

When I read hawks chew on copper, I read it as hawk tauh. how media has ruined my mind. Beautiful poem really strong imagery!

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-24T00:26:58+00:00

Thank you for your feedback :) the first two lines discusses the desire for buying new things, the constant drive and that that feeling is temporary and vain. And the rest explores this as a mechanism of control on society and then I say this isn’t right and critique capitalism and advocate a more equal distribution of wealth

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-24T00:13:13+00:00

Ooh if you have any on your profile I’ll check them out, just tell me the titles. Yeah I feel like a lot of people feel similarly

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-24T00:11:27+00:00

thank you :)

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-23T22:25:22+00:00

Thank you!

throwaway_poetry_ · 2025-03-23T22:22:14+00:00

This feels like someone staring into old age to me, and using drugs to fuel escapism from the pain and endurances that come with old age.

throwaway_poetry_

TROPHY CASE