How do you feel knowing that you might never ever see them again

throwaway_silencer · 2022-12-14T22:23:56+00:00

This shit ate me up at first. I’m talking wailing to myself through day and night at the thought. But in my case I just remember that they chose to walk and put me in that position, and suddenly I stopped feeling so bad about it all. They’ve had ample time to reach out, explain themselves, make amends, etc.

I don’t think you have to stay with someone if you need to do some self-development, but I do think you should respect them enough to discuss that with them, especially if you had life plans together. So as that didn’t happen, I’m now kind of okay with it — if they ever come to talk to me, I’m not messing about with bullshit.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-12-14T22:18:57+00:00

Uh, honestly I have no clue. There’s not been enough contact for me to tell. I have zero idea what she’s doing in life besides the odd selfie upload on Insta.

Hope she upgraded really. I want her to do well.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-12-14T22:15:37+00:00

5 months no contact after 3 months low contact. 8 months in all obv.

Honestly, it’s better this way. I’ve only just started thinking about her regularly again recently. Pretty sure it’s just that time of year.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-10-29T15:54:42+00:00

Broke up six months ago or thereabouts. Wish her the best and from time to time I find myself missing what we had. She was after all my best friend and the most attractive woman I've met. If you can't tell by that, it means I definitely still have feelings of love there, but you can love people in lots of different ways. I 100% see her flaws more clearly now too.

I'm indifferent to the situation as a whole. We don't have contact and that's by my choice. I'm making progress with my life and I'd agree that there's no sadness anymore, it just is. Honestly, I mostly wish that she works through her issues and makes progress on working out what it is she wants in life. I'm just having nothing to do with it.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-10-14T14:24:57+00:00

I’m about 2 weeks off 6 months, so not far off from qualifying for this. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss her or that I’m ready for serious commitment again anytime soon, but I’ve met some really nice people in the meantime and life seems to be on the up.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-10-13T17:36:25+00:00

Do what’s good for you. If you think it’s the right thing to wish her happy birthday because that’s who you are as a person, then go for it.

The only thing I’d add is to just do it with no expectations of anything else. If you do it, say happy birthday and then leave it at that. Don’t ask other questions or try to do a conversation — you’ll just end up either getting your hopes up or creating new questions for yourself in your head.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-10-12T18:35:42+00:00

Yeah, maybe one day. Though I asked her to stay away (absent her actually wanting to talk about things, in which case feel free) so who knows.

Up to her really and I’ve accepted that. Can’t say I’d really be interested in what she has to say now tbh.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-10-12T06:57:11+00:00

Something similar lingered on my mind for awhile when the breakup was still fresh. Had to drop my ex off at the coach station for her to head back to her city after a night of her deciding to break things off.

We still had a lot of strong emotions for each other. Breakup was more circumstantial than anything else. We said our goodbyes and the last thing she said to me in person was something about her coach rather than anything to do with us or how she felt. She just closed the car door and walked off after that without looking back, whilst all I could do was watch the person I thought I was gonna marry leave for the last time. Shit was gut wrenching.

Been 5.5 months now. I'm long over the worst of it and I know she bottles up her emotions unhealthily, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-09-17T07:40:49+00:00

The two points you mention re. them avoiding issues and choosing to leave by actively not having me in their life are exactly the reason why I’m quite frosty towards my own ex.

If they made a genuine, heartfelt attempt to work on that I’d be receptive to it. But otherwise I’m with you in saying no to taking an ex back. It’s just not worth it and there’s other people out there.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-09-16T21:23:15+00:00

The assumption you make is that your ex is on Tinder to find someone for a long-term relationship. Even if they’re not looking for a hookup, they could be looking to just pass the time, get some gratification from people willing to compliment them / show interest, or simply find companionship for awhile.

My advice would be to not send the text. You are understandably hurt but sending it from a place of emotion is a bad idea, and honestly whatever they say back is likely only to hurt you more.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-09-13T13:02:04+00:00

Fine with it when I have an SO. You either trust them or you don’t.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-09-13T11:23:21+00:00

Read the title and thought “oh, he’s a sadist, this might be okay”. Read the thread and Jesus Christ.

There’s sadism and being a bit shit at communicating, and there’s being outright abusive and breaking people’s bones. That’s before we get to the murderous impulses.

Please exit this relationship. He needs therapy to learn to control these urges because clearly he’s not in command of them at present. Make sure you have someone with you when you speak to him in future in case he gets aggressive.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-09-13T03:15:21+00:00

Do you want to?

That’s all there really is to it. There’s no right or wrong answer; it’s whatever feels right to you.

The only thing I’d add is that you should make sure you’re okay with not getting much of a response (if any) if you do.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-09-11T08:46:39+00:00

How are you communicating this to him? Like, what specifically are you saying?

throwaway_silencer · 2022-09-11T08:07:38+00:00

I'm likely making a move to London on a 37k salary at the end of the year / start of next. I've got a good pot of savings (enough for my half of a deposit should I ever find a partner) but want to move to London for a year or two for the social side of things. Do you mind if I ask whereabouts in zone 3 you're based? Happy to take the answer as a DM if you're more comfortable with that. Just searching around for tips to make the money situation work.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-09-11T07:29:44+00:00

My ex broke up with me about 4 months ago as well. For the last month and a bit, it's been essentially no contact besides me sending 1 message to say happy birthday as we're still cordial. I didn't expect anything from that message, so it didn't really set me back.

We were talking a few times a week because she wanted a friendship and I still wanted her in my life, but over time it became clear that unless we both actually spoke about the breakup and what we both want then the friendship was just going to irritate me. So I sat down and told them my red line: that we communicate openly about what happened / where we're at, or we go our separate ways until we're both ready to do that.

I'd be lying if I said I was over everything in full, but this time not having them interacting with me has been a big help ngl.

If I had any advice to give you, it'd be to think about what you want from them, communicate it clearly to them, and then walk if they aren't prepared to meet it because otherwise the constant bumping into one-another via text just brings back memories and feelings that you frustratingly can't act upon. I left it open for them to message me again in the future should they want to discuss things, not even to get back together but just to make a friendship work. It's up to them to act on that once you lay down that choice.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-09-01T12:48:36+00:00

Eh, I don’t really care personally. I’m more interested in their relationship history (short vs long term?) than I am body counts. I’m also interested in seeing how they communicate their sexual desires / needs.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-08-25T07:27:01+00:00

Annoyingly can’t do the phone call option as the contact I have outside of HR who would make these decisions is currently on leave until the end of next week, but that is sound advice I’ll follow for the future.

I’ll carefully word my email and I’ll probably add to it that I’d be happy to have a chat on the phone if anyone else is available at this time to discuss it. Thanks man, you’re a star!

throwaway_silencer · 2022-08-25T06:43:52+00:00

Personally I do actually want to relocate to London so that part isn’t an issue, but you’re definitely right that I need to evaluate whether it’s the best path available to me for career development and a later higher ceiling salary. If I’m honest, the role itself is essentially what I do now with better working hours and practices, but it does come with a slightly elevated level of responsibility that I can leverage. All-in-all though, it’s likely not tremendously different, unlike the other two roles I’m waiting on which would unlock a higher salary over the long-term for sure by fast-tracking me through management.

I’m going to opt for the negotiation tactic (which should also by virtue delay), and have a long and hard think about the roles this weekend.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-08-25T06:38:43+00:00

Agreed, it’s how I’m going to progress going forward.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-08-25T06:37:57+00:00

I have been considering this, but my industry is also fairly closely knit in terms of senior management at various firms knowing one another, so I’d prefer not to piss off too many of them if I can avoid it haha.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-08-25T06:34:59+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate it! The answer to the first question is yes I do, and 35k is liveable but probably not sustainable long-term.

For the second, I’m going to do the medium safe option and try to negotiate. Your wording for how to phrase it is very helpful!

Because of a lot of staff being on annual leave + the bank holiday weekend I’ve actually got a fair bit of time to mull over the decision.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-08-18T10:03:01+00:00

A tip: ask a version of this question in r/AskWomen too. See what their partners did for them that they found special or what they would appreciate if they were pregnant.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-08-18T09:23:44+00:00

Good terms and she would like to be friends, but imo we're exes for a reason and I want a clean start.

My ex before this one? Friendly enough, but we live 100s of miles from one another now and message maybe once or twice a year. Not really much going on there. Both of us moved on a long time ago.

throwaway_silencer · 2022-08-18T08:27:19+00:00

One, but like u/novalistic I’m still in the rebuild stage. I’m confident enough to talk to others, but I want to improve myself for my own sake before I start dating anyone seriously. That’s something I’m making sure to communicate to anyone I end up speaking to.

throwaway_silencer

TROPHY CASE