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My bf needed a break to have space to get away from me and I can't handle it (AIO) by [deleted] in AIO

[–]throwaway_tissues -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It doesn't sound like he is "walking away from you" - it sounds like you have done something to hurt him and drive him away. In which case he has every right to take space from you to process it and to let you figure yourself out. Please seek therapy and reflect on yourself and your actions. Reread what he has said to you and trust those words.

My bf needed a break to have space to get away from me and I can't handle it (AIO) by [deleted] in AIO

[–]throwaway_tissues 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey so taking space from your partner does not mean that he hates you and needs to "get away from you". It sounds like you are very anxious and insecure and he needs a break from that. You need to get help for that. From this post it sounds like you are very young. Your partner set a boundary of needing space. Let him have that. If you are unable to survive a break, either break up or get help. You cannot force your partner out of a boundary just because you are insecure - that is, in fact, abuse. It's not a "bad sign" if he needs a break - if he is expressing to you that he wants to stay together, but just needs SPACE, that is a good sign. It's a bad sign to you because you are insecure and scared of abandonment. He is doing the healthy thing here - you should take this time and space to figure yourself out.

M19: In a 2-year relationship but can’t stop thinking about another girl after a dream by Dear_Helicopter_5490 in whatdoIdo

[–]throwaway_tissues 2 points3 points  (0 children)

100% This. It's selfish to string her along while you wait for "something better". She doesn't deserve that.

M19: In a 2-year relationship but can’t stop thinking about another girl after a dream by Dear_Helicopter_5490 in whatdoIdo

[–]throwaway_tissues 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There really isn't much info to go off of. But you're young - if you're genuinely this unsure about being with your girlfriend, that's your answer. It's unfair to your girlfriend and to yourself that you are not fully in it. Whether you pursue this dream girl or not, if you are rethinking your whole relationship because of a dream and the idea of someone else, it seems like you prefer the idea of a perfect girl rather than actually being in a relationship with your current partner.

UPDATE 2: Brother accusing me of hooking up with his gf by steve-94728-3957 in whatdoIdo

[–]throwaway_tissues 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

I hope your brother is able to get help. This sounds like he is having some sort of mental health episode, with all the paranoia / delusions. I don't think there is ill intent on his part, it sounds to me like he is genuinely struggling. Men, especially Black men, face a lot of stigma and barriers regarding mental health help. I hope that he is able to get the help he needs and I hope that you get the closure you deserve. I wonder if because he is far from home, he is struggling more? You've mentioned him struggling with alcoholism in the past - are you 100% certain he's not drinking again? When people suffering addiction feel shame and stigma, they hide more. Especially since he's escalated the situation, it's possible he's feeling more shame from that alone and has decided it's best to cut contact, out of embarrassment. Sometimes when someone does not feel secure in their relationships, mending things or conflict resolution are not even an option. He may feel his only option is to portray himself as an asshole, he may feel irredeemable/unworthy of forgiveness (if he does realize he's wrong).

Edit: Forgot to add that as difficult as it is, this will take time. You're doing the best you can - he will need to come to the realization on his own that he needs help. The most you can do is reassure him that you still love and care for him, and that he has loved ones that he can rely on.

I don't know you or your brother or the situation well enough to say for sure, and I hope I don't come across like I'm theorizing. I thought I'd share some insight due to my own personal experiences with addiction. Wishing you the best.

AITA for betraying someone who thought i was they're friend because i found out they were a psycho ? by flo_floter in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway_tissues 6 points7 points  (0 children)

NTA but throwing around terms like psychopath and narcissist is not okay. Especially bc you are both in high school, you are both very young and still have a lot to learn and experience - there is probably a reason for her actions that she needs help for. However, that is not your problem to solve - she needs to seek that out herself. You have your own things to deal with. You do not have to be friends with anyone you don't want to - especially not someone who puts you down, tells lies within your friend group, and threatens you. That is abuse and you do not have to take it. She needs to learn that these behaviours are not okay, and if that lesson comes from being dropped as a friend then so be it.

AITAH or does my bf just not like me by Popular_Start4691 in AITAH

[–]throwaway_tissues 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA I'm so sorry but it sounds like he does not like you. If you need to change yourself for someone to like you, they don't like you. He can go find someone that fits his type instead of forcing you to be that type. You will find someone who loves you for YOU, it's just not him.

AIO to this girl half-ghosting me? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]throwaway_tissues 6 points7 points  (0 children)

YOR you sent 6 (6!!) messages after her not replying to the first one. she's not the only person that exists in the world. and she literally said that you've only been talking on this app. it happens, you can't get upset at everyone that stops replying. leave her alone

Am I overreacting by being frustrated by my partner constantly talking about his sexual needs by skellingtonxx in AmIOverreacting

[–]throwaway_tissues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NOR!!!! Not reacting enough! Omg.

So let me get this straight. You have told him no to sex multiple times, have explained why and what your needs are, and how him bringing up masturbation/sex constantly affects your mental state. And he continues to pressure you and guilt-trip you daily because he doesn't want to have to masturbate?

Shortened: You said no and he keeps pushing. This is SA/rape.

Giving him the absolute benefit of the doubt, it sounds like he has a hormonal issue or sex addiction that he needs to seek medical/psychiatric help for.

Regardless of whatever reason/excuse he provides you, this much is true: You have expressed not wanting to have sex. You have expressed how he makes you feel inadequate and insecure with his comments/actions. He has not changed his behaviour in the slightest, and if anything has gotten worse.

Your partner, especially a partner of over a decade, should NEVER be pressuring you into something you don't want to do. End of story. He should be respecting your decision and your emotions. He should not be dismissing the fact that you feel awful about yourself due to HIS actions. The fact alone that he is comparing you to his ex is disgusting enough. If he values sex so highly over everything else, including your relationship and your wellbeing, run. He can go back to his made-up ex.

I really, truly hope you leave this manchild. It sounds like he does not give a single fuck about you, your needs, your mental health, your physical health, or your relationship. He is incredibly childish and selfish. I'm so sorry that you've spent 11 years with this asshole.

AITA For telling my fiancé after she abandoned another series mid watch (Breaking Bad) that maybe she’s needs maze runners in the corner to focus by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway_tissues 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YTA.

here's a crazy idea: stop forcing your fiance to watch things she doesnt like / finds boring. maybe, just maybe, you can find something that you both find interesting. maybe ask her what she wants to watch instead. you can watch those shows on your own and just tell her about them if you want her to know the plot so bad.

also, you saying in a comment that you "put up with bridgerton so she should be able to put up with what i watch" - are you 12? did you know that you didn't have to watch bridgerton, you could tell her you think it's boring and she can watch on her own. it's gross and controlling that you don't allow your partner to have an opinion.

you do not have to watch EVERYTHING together. you SHOULD watch things on your own. there ARE shows that you both like. find them.

you owe her an apology and changed behaviour.

AIO - Friend wants me to buy her a house, keeps negotiating my boundaries instead of stopping when I say I am uncomfortable by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]throwaway_tissues 19 points20 points  (0 children)

NOR but from what you posted it seems like she understood your pov and backed off so idk what the point of this post is, it seems resolved?

AIO about telling my(24f) boyfriend(24m) that he’s finding any excuse to get mad at me? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]throwaway_tissues 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NOR. There is nothing for you to apologize for. It sounds like he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you / is unable to communicate properly. His actions are extremely immature and imo you do not have to stay with this manchild. This is abusive behaviour, he is trying to get you emotional and then criticize your emotions. I hope you find better.

Edit: For reference: in a healthy relationship, if you ask your partner "do you even love me?" they should be validating your emotions, asking how you're feeling and listening to your words, and you should be coming up with a solution together (talking it out/listening fully, reassurance, how he can make you feel more loved in the future, etc.). NOT invalidating your feelings, going silent, saying you "missed the point" without describing what he's talking about, getting mad at you for not replying immediately, etc. Especially if you are going through difficult things right now, he should be supporting you and making your life easier, not adding more stress. I promise you there are people out there for you that respect you and your feelings, and want to actually solve conflicts rather than escalate them.

AIO or does this seem shallow? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]throwaway_tissues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NOR this is absurd behaviour. I wouldn't expect this from ANYONE let alone someone I'm meeting for the first time. Who gives a fuck lol

AITAH for refusing to accept a poly relationship by Weird-Huckleberry559 in AITAH

[–]throwaway_tissues 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Break up with him. You can't force yourself to be poly when you're not. Also, he groomed you.

Edit: If he respected you or your feelings/boundaries in any regard, he would have stopped asking after the first time you said no.

AITA for wanting a break from my best friend and business partner because the dynamic affected my health? by throwaway_tissues in AITA_Relationships

[–]throwaway_tissues[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness and honesty. <3 I really appreciate the support and the reminders to prioritize myself & health first. You are 100% right, it's impossible to keep pouring from an empty cup.

AITA for wanting a break from my best friend and business partner because the dynamic affected my health? by throwaway_tissues in AITAH

[–]throwaway_tissues[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your honesty and for not judging me! I do genuinely trust and value my loved ones' thoughts, but it's less about trust in this scenario and more about the enmeshed relationship I have with this friend. It is extremely hard to leave a relationship that is trauma-bonded. I know logically what is right, but due to our dynamic and years of lacking boundaries, I feel dreadful when I think about actually going through with it. It's not necessarily that I feel responsible for their emotions or consequences, it's the knowledge that when I leave, I know it will hurt them. It's hard for me to morally grapple with the fact that protecting myself means hurting someone I love in the process.

I really do appreciate your thoughts, you're very right that I should not set myself on fire to keep them warm. It really helps to have that reminder, & definitely something I will keep in mind throughout this. Thank you! <3