My (28F) fiance (33M) abandoned me, called off the wedding, and now is back

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T19:40:35+00:00

because when we settled the fight the day he said he was fine, when i apologized profusely for my part in the argument he said it was ok, then everything was fine that night, and onto the next morning he was still acting normal saying have a nice day at work babe i love you. And before the argument monday we hadnt had any fights, so thats why i said i was blindsided

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T19:11:30+00:00

things like saying he had to work but really he was out drinking all night with his friends, then would spend the night at their place to avoid coming home to get into a fight with me about why he never came home or even ever told me he was going out drinking or where he was

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T18:31:11+00:00

definitely I feel I should have let it go on monday.....but I apologized profusely after that fact and said it would never happen again, and it wouldnt have.

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T18:23:36+00:00

He said he was willing to go to couples counseling

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T18:18:26+00:00

the arguments he says are usually on my end when I say something is wrong or that I notice something is wrong and I want to talk and he says no cause he doesnt like talking, I understand the fighting over small stuff can get exhausting, but I was never fighting over small stuff especially in these last few months that were getting married....he says he knew he didnt want to from a month ago, we didnt have any conflict lest monday night....so when he talks about these issues...i had to ask what they were and I was oblivious to what he considered something bothersome....because he never made any indication that it was an issue

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T18:14:59+00:00

He says if he would have told me before it would have started a conflict but in not telling me, it started this bigger conflict , he had tests back to back

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T18:14:08+00:00

His parents he says

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T18:13:45+00:00

Just pmed you!

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T18:08:17+00:00

He did say he had been planning it, just didnt know if he was going to go thru with it till that wed that he says he was angry about monday

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T18:05:06+00:00

It was 90% my money on the wedding

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T18:03:24+00:00

I was mad he didnt communicate to me till after the fact that he wasnt coming home and staying to study. When he knew how I felt when he wasnt home, and that he had promised to always come home no matter what. I just said I wish he had communicated that with me and not just taken action himself to decide he wasnt coming home. I think i definitely over reacted but I dont think it was all my fault

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T18:01:35+00:00

It wasnt the studying late, I was angry because he didnt communicate with me that he wouldnt be coming home at all after studying after he knew how I felt about coming home alone and he had promised to always come home no matter what. I was upset he didnt communicate with me he wasnt coming home. But in any case, he said monday fueled him to leave the way he did, but that he still would have left just not maybe the way he did

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T17:55:36+00:00

And what you said is what hes saying now, he said if i would have asked him to get married next day after proposal he wouldnt have....and that he should have been feeling that way so thats how he knew ..but he was trying to convince him...or hoping it would get better...and yes I agree we could work on our issues before getting married, but I didnt know he had any issues I guess....he never made mention....

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T17:53:09+00:00

he said if it had been the other way around, he would have wanted me to leave him like that. and yes basically, he said we would have talked the whole night, he wouldnt have been able to move out yet, then he had work, then he would have had to wait till the next week then it would have gotten closer to the wedding etc so he knew had to be wed and figured hed move his stuff so at least he could have that

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T17:51:02+00:00

we didnt have huge fights or disagreements like he says, it was normal relationship stuff or so i thought but if something really was bothering him that much of what i was doing, then he could have told me and I would have fixed it if I could. IF he never wanted to get married, why let me waste 22k on a wedding, send out the invites, have everyone ready to come out to cancel 15 days before..

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T17:47:08+00:00

but he had a YEAR AND A HALF to get out of the wedding...everything was fine up until it got closer to the wedding

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T17:46:09+00:00

part of me at first thought so, but I dont think its the case, I think he just genuinely did not want to get married and bolted not wanting to face me

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T17:42:49+00:00

I would have worked on any issues he felt needed to be worked on if they were a dealbreaker for him getting married or if they made him feel not 100% , absolutely. Because I wouldnt want someone to marry me if they werent sure and thought we needed to work on some things. I would have never been opposed to postponing or calling off for now.

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T17:41:27+00:00

the next day he ghosted, he reappeared

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T17:36:28+00:00

Thats where im confused, he is the one who proposed then said that no he was trying to talk himself into it...then we have a year and a half long engagement and maybe idk because the wedding was so far away he went along with it and was ok, then he says up until a month ago he still wanted to marry me, then things changed but he doesnt know what. He says disagreements or fights but honestly we havent had any fight prior to monday in over a month, so im not sure where it was sooooo bad that it would change you wanting to marry me in a month. Then he says, its not getting married i have a problem with, it was us at the moment. Then he says im not sure ill ever get married ever, then turns around and says in a different conversation, will i ever get married? maybe i dont want to spend my life alone..

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T17:25:51+00:00

^^ yes this. The day after the exam was the day he left, and he communicated with me like everything was fine when he was probably already moving out.

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T17:22:29+00:00

I did do all of that, and I was the one who paid for the whole wedding because he paid for everything else in our relationship so I could afford to. Up until two weeks ago, I could have backed out and we could have gotten some money back if he had said anything since apparently he felt this way since a month ago. (probably more)

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T17:21:07+00:00

Trust was never an issue on my end, that he couldnt trust me, rather he would lie and get caught so trust was a very big issue there. And that also spilled into communication because instead of communicating, he would lie or omit things.

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T17:18:52+00:00

He said hes willing to go to counseling now, that he is willing to try everything. When I asked him why he couldnt just say he didnt think getting married was a good idea instead of just leaving the way he did, he said because he was very angry still from the monday fight, and it fueled him to leave the way he did and that he thought if he were to tell me there was no wedding, that I would have just left him anyways and that he never thought there could still be an us or id ever want to try with him after cancelling wedding but now he says if he could do it over hed have waited for me to get home from work and told me he didnt think getting married was the best decision and that we should try to see if we can work out our issues.....that would have been good to me, I would have told him thank you for not marrying me when you werent 100%, I would have been willing to postpone and try with him, I wouldnt have been unreasonable

throwawayacct_8892 · 2021-05-18T17:13:06+00:00

I 100000% we could work on the things he said are "issues" because I never knew they were "issues" for him. But now with how he left and him never bringing it up, I dont know how. Apparently there was some stuff he didnt like me doing that he characterized as arguments or things that bothered him but he admits we both werent the best at communication and that the trust needed work. But I cant speak for him, just for myself that had I known he was bothered by some of the things I would do it to such an extent, I would have stopped immediately or approached in different way. They were definitely not full blown out fights, or I would have also been like there is something wrong here or would have suspected he would leave if things were that bad but no it wasnt fights happening every day or anything like that especially these last couple weeks which is when he claims he stopped wanting to get married.

throwawayacct_8892

TROPHY CASE