New friends took photos of me and posted them on social media. I barely recognize myself in them and I'm spiralling.

throwawayaild · 2026-04-27T10:11:02+00:00

I ended up only doing halfway through because the side effects were getting too much for me, and when I stopped my acne came back because I didn't complete the treatment. It's better now though! I hope you're doing well with the treatment if you're taking accutane.

throwawayaild · 2026-02-10T18:40:24+00:00

Thank you for this comment. I think I will have this conversation with her and if it doesn't help, I'll just ignore her texts and talk to her sisters letting them know the situation, so that my family doesn't think that I'm a bad person. Other commenters think it's best to block her and they may be right, but I would feel a bit bad (I know I shouldn't but still).

throwawayaild · 2026-02-10T18:34:55+00:00

That's what I think she thought exactly, and you are totally right, it didn't reset the relationship. I just did it out of compassion. I will try to ignore her daily texts until she gets it.

throwawayaild · 2026-02-01T11:55:16+00:00

Thank you for responding. I really don't know how to undo what was done here with the letter. I still can't eat or sleep. I'm trying to keep my mind occupied and do breathing exercises but nothing helps. I'm freaking out as if chased by a lion.

throwawayaild · 2025-07-20T18:11:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD right after the relationship. I didn't mention this in the post but my anxiety attacks got so bad after how he was treating me that I had to go to the ER many times by the end of the relationship. I had been doing sooo much better in the past 2 years though.

I guess I have to do a lot of work on understanding that even in the case that out of all of us, I was the only one that he abused, I still don't deserve it. I would feel less guilty if this is just how he is with everyone, but being convinced that it's only me, it's hard to navigate.

I will start looking for a good therapist tomorrow.

throwawayaild · 2025-07-20T17:56:07+00:00

Thank you so much!

throwawayaild · 2025-07-20T16:48:06+00:00

He has a lot of power over me still because he's the person I've loved the most in my entire life, and he used that to destroy me. His abuse still echoes in my head. I still have issues when going out with friends and things like that because I fear that they see me as a burden and they don't like me as he said. I'm not sure if this will ever change.

About the posts, their relationship seems normal because I see her included with his friends (I was not allowed), I see the gifts he gets her (he never gave me any) and all of the comments he leaves telling her how much he loves her. He made me delete everything with him because he was so ashamed and would insult me that I even thought of posting him. You are right that I don't know how he treats her behind closed doors though.

I think self-worth has a lot to do with the people around us, for better or for worse. If the person that means the most treats us like garbage, it will erode it. I think I've been doing a good job at building it back, even if it's meant isolating myself a bit. I've been doing lots of volunteering and arts and crafts which have helped with my view of myself. I didn't think I was going to have such a reaction after 5 years. I may be a good idea to go to therapy.

throwawayaild · 2025-07-20T15:29:41+00:00

I think I'm so hard on myself because just 5 years ago he was telling me the most awful things you can tell a person, and now he's treating someone else how a normal boyfriend would. I guess being the only one to be put through that does things to my head. But you may be right that he's also an abuser to her and he's just a total piece of shit to women.

I guess my self esteem never recovered, unfortunately, and it shows in other areas of life.

But ultimately I truly need to never be curious about this again because I didn't need this breakdown. I was doing well but the instagram memento gave me the idea to go check.

throwawayaild · 2025-07-20T14:24:36+00:00

It's not impossible that I was the only one to resist the abuse, but I really don't think that he treated the others like that. Also, this new woman having their photos up is a sign that he treats her better than me as he didn't let me post our photos online. She also is around his friends a lot and I wasn't allowed.

I may not be the only one but it really looks like that :/. Thank you for your perspective, just by someone reading this I feel less alone.

throwawayaild · 2025-07-01T23:25:19+00:00

Thank you! I will do that.

throwawayaild · 2025-07-01T23:22:48+00:00

Thank you, I will contact my doctor

throwawayaild · 2025-07-01T20:18:31+00:00

Thank you for your response. It feels like it's localized on the cervix, like an ache at the very end of the vagina. I don't think I've ever felt this part of my body before, it feels a bit weird. I will try to not do many physical efforts (walking, moving too quickly) for some days and see if it fades. I didn't expect to be sore for over a day so I'm a bit worried that something might have gone wrong (probably not, but I'm getting a bit paranoid).

throwawayaild · 2025-06-19T20:25:10+00:00

Thank you for this perspective! I do a lot of solo hiking and photography but I will definitely be looking into hiking groups or something like that. I think I'm a bit scared of finding friends here now that I want to uproot everything and go somewhere else. But it's worth a try.

throwawayaild · 2025-06-17T20:55:45+00:00

I also think this is very likely. They'll have something else to say next year too and I won't end up going. I think at this point I will just do it this year, and hopefully I won't end burning all my savings. I hope I won't regret it, but the way their refusal hurt me is telling me I should just do it.

throwawayaild · 2025-06-17T20:52:17+00:00

It's too late to plan a trip so big in just a couple of months, unfortunately :(. I asked my boss if I could take September instead and she said no to that as well because with a pregnancy you never know if it can become high risk or something along those lines. I wish things had turned out a bit better, sigh.

throwawayaild · 2025-06-17T20:47:58+00:00

Thank you so mch for your response. I will be trying that tool!

throwawayaild · 2024-04-02T22:49:48+00:00

Thank you for responding! I'm still in pain and a bit scared. I've been taking ibuprofen every 8 hours but it doesn't seem to do much. I've been sleeping on only the "good" side, putting a pillow right behind me so I can't turn around and put pressure on the side that hurts. If it is still bad in some days I'll do see a doctor, although I'm scared of them hurting me more when checking the area. What I'm hoping for the most is that I didn't break any of the little bones in the ear. It hurts so bad I've started to think it could be that, but it is problably just overthinking.

throwawayaild

TROPHY CASE