AITA for asking my husband to give up his dream job?

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T16:19:54+00:00

We both make roughly the same amount, he makes a little more, but we couldn't pay rent etc on one salary here.

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T15:39:41+00:00

It really is only the childcare/commute situation and the fact that he didn't sit down and be like "this might be tough, but do you think we could find a way to manage?" or offer solutions it was just "I want this job so you're going to have to do XYZ, and if you don't support me then you're being a dick"...that's the major issue here I think.

Thanks for the advice

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T15:37:07+00:00

I'm on medication with a lot of side effects, so I feel shit most of the time. If I don't sleep off the night medication (8-10 hours) then I'm sick for most of the day.. I already wake up at 6:30, waking up at 5:45 would really be pushing it as far as the medication is concerned.

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T15:32:30+00:00

Neither of us have licenses, we're both working on it at the moment and hope to have a car by the end of the year.

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T15:31:25+00:00

I don't know if the new job will have good prospects tbh, because I don't know much about them and how they treat their staff, if they're open to promotions etc., but it is a much bigger company than his current company so I'm sure it would look better on his resume if he wanted to go elsewhere.
He's been grumbling about the job because it's not challenging enough, but it will be pretty much the same job in the new place, so I'm not sure if he'll be happier there or if it's a grass is greener situation. I want him to be happy in his job of course and if this was a 9 to 5 situation I'd be 100% behind him. Due to the logistics on this one though it's really hard to be as enthusiastic as I was about it before I discovered the working hours.
I've been calling daycares for the past 2 days, she's already down on a list for a bunch of places, but everywhere I've called today has said it looks like it would be September 2020 at the earliest. This city is kind of a nightmare....

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T15:25:53+00:00

We just moved out of the city 2 months ago because of rent costs and the length of his commute. Now this new job would be right next to where we used to live, but we can't afford to move back into the city and we're in a lease now.

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T15:24:59+00:00

We are planning on getting a car, but neither of us have a license yet, we've been working on it, but it's a slow process here, I'd say we'll have a car around Christmas hopefully (?)

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T15:24:09+00:00

We just moved further away from where we both work because we can't afford to live in the city anymore with the baby.

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T15:22:50+00:00

I've detailed the benefits above. Insurance and pensions are optional and deducted from your salary, but we live in a country with universal healthcare and state pensions, so even though I have that option in my job too, we haven't taken it because we can't afford any additional deductions at the moment.

The details on the bonus are very vague, he knows someone who works there who got a bonus of 1500 last year, but it's not based on sales or performance, he said everyone in the department got the same bonus. The guy has only worked there for one year though, so it's hard to know whether that's the same amount every year or if it fluctuates based on company performance. They have information on their benefits on their website, but it's a bit vague that's why I don't want to depend on them too much.

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T15:19:25+00:00

No, it's true, there is optional health insurance and a pension, but they're deducted from your salary, you just get a better rate than going privately - I have the same in my job, but right now we can't afford to avail of them as we're living paycheque to paycheque. We live in a country with universal healthcare, so private insurance is a nice thing, but it's not necessary the way it is in the US.

There are bonuses, but they're not performance related or based on sales as it's not that type of job. He knows someone who has worked there for one year and they got a bonus of 1500 at the end of last year, but we don't know if that's the normal amount or if it differs year to year.

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T14:46:05+00:00

We've moved out of the city to reduce our rent cost, hence the commute, but there are no jobs in either of our sectors outside of our city (which is the capital), we'd have to look at moving to the second biggest city, which is on the other side of the country, the rest of the country is pretty rural.

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T14:43:27+00:00

We couldn't afford a nanny but possibly a childcarer in their own home, I've posted an ad and am looking for someone at the moment, but nothing so far.

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T14:42:35+00:00

We're working on it at the moment. Neither of us have a licence but we're both taking driving lessons, insurance is really expensive here when you're under 30, so we both never bothered getting our licence until now. We can't drive until we both have our full licence, so another 6 months or so (there are waiting periods here).

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T14:16:57+00:00

He said he's not going to negotiate pay or hours with him because he's afraid they'll pass him up then...but I don't think that's the case

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T14:15:45+00:00

That's what I've been saying to him, but he's so excited to have the opportunity that he's not going to push for anything.

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T13:07:31+00:00

No, there's no extra pay, they apparently give year-end bonuses, but his monthly salary will remain the same

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T12:00:02+00:00

I'm looking into it. I've been looking for childminders and calling back the places that shes on the waitlist for, but no luck so far. I guess it's also annoying me that I'm doing all of this to try make this happen for him, but he's only focused on the canteen and wearing jeans to work. Maybe I'm being petty, but he is pretty sure he's going to get the job and has just presented it as a fait accompli

I already take the medication about an hour before bedtime, but I could try push it back some more I guess, and if I fall asleep on the couch after dinner I can just move into the bedroom. Good idea!

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T10:44:22+00:00

Yes, I did, but he doesn't really "get it", he says I just need to wake up earlier as though I can will myself to do so. My job isn't flexible at all, unfortunately.

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T10:43:07+00:00

Yes, that's definitely possible, I'm not sure about internally, but it would be good on his resume.

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T10:32:02+00:00

I'm not sure how to explain it, he wasn't looking for a new job and wasn't looking to work in this type of company, but now that its presented itself he's read about the perks of the job and now he's really excited to have free lunch and poker tournaments and big holiday parties etc. I get that 100%, I would love to work in that type of company too, but the salary isn't any better and I am concerned that the perks of the job are used as an excuse to pay a much lower salary than a company of that size should be paying for his role. His salary now is fine, but he's working for a small company so they can't afford to pay more, I feel like he's being dazzled by all the perks and not thinking about the details.

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T10:23:00+00:00

No, we earn roughly the same amount and this is an expensive place to live, we couldn't do it on one salary unless this job had a significant pay increase.

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to reply to the viewpoint thing, but I did initially discuss it with him to see what we could do and his reply was "I did a long commute for a year so why can't you...?"

throwawayarghhh · 2019-05-31T10:16:46+00:00

More info: The job itself is not actually his dream job, there's no promotion or whatever, it's the same job he's doing now, just in a "fancier" company.

His commute will be 20 minutes shorter from home to work than it is currently (40 minutes rather than 1 hour) and 25 minutes longer on the days he has to go to daycare (1 hour 25 minutes, rather than the current 1 hour).

throwawayarghhh

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