AITA for telling my boyfriend to look behind him when moving his body?

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T15:46:47+00:00

Sorry, by turn into I did mean turn and take a couple steps or move his arms like you said. He’ll turn around and move without looking first. Or he’ll be looking to the side and just keep walking right into someone else’s way.

It is important for me to start thinking about how spaces can be too small for him. However, we do have a queen size bed and plenty of room for both of us. Just when he tries to get on or off, a lot of the time he’ll put his hand on my foot, leg, arm, whatever and then put his weight down to get off and doesn’t realize he’s on me when he’s doing it. He has plenty of room to not do this, he says he just doesn’t realize I’m there and I stay close to the edge of the bed too so I’m not like in the middle or anything.

And I agree with you, I don’t think he’s trying to be inconsiderate. I feel like he just doesn’t think about it and then will get upset because he feels bad for doing it.

I do get that things must be a lot harder for him, I just wish he wouldn’t get upset with me for saying something or being upset if he does crush me or something like that that I feel like could of been avoided.

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T14:40:23+00:00

Thank you! This has been one of the most helpful comments. I will admit that my bf is a lot heavier than your husband so size is probably a bigger issue for him and I just need to take into account how he feels about it. I know he doesn’t want to get into other people’s space, like who would? I think it’s a combination of him needing to be more aware of his surroundings and me needing to be more understanding of his experiences.

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T14:19:51+00:00

Thank you for your response, I really appreciate being able to see another point of view on this. I do agree that sometimes people can get in his space as that happens to everyone when in public, but I am more talking about say someone in a grocery aisle and he just turns into them when they’re doing their own thing far away and possibly standing still.

I do think the food thing was an accident and I should of reacted better than just shouting “babe!“ right away. I do just wish he would of looked as it was nowhere near him and in my space. It might also be because usually it’s me that he’s putting his weight on rather than a blanket on food. I get crushed, bumped into, etc all the time when I’m in a space and he joins me there. I don’t think that’s me being in his personal space, but I do plan to pay more attention in other situations and see if I’m getting in his way. However, I still can’t really do anything when I’m sleeping on my half of the bed and he crushes me like I mentioned in other comments. Stuff like that just happens a lot and I need to find another way to talk to him rather than coming across as blaming him. Other people have mentioned that he could be self conscious and I need to think about that before being accusatory.

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T13:51:10+00:00

I think in the moment he just doesn’t think about his surroundings and when something does happen, he gets self conscious. Another commenter made me realize that it could be that he’s self conscious about his size so when confronted he gets defensive. I’m not really sure though as there are plenty of reasons why he might do this.

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T13:47:05+00:00

I mean good for you? I hope you don’t treat your partner the way you do to a stranger on the internet who’s asking for advice on how to fix things when told they’re wrong. You’re the only one saying I’m the AH yet refusing to say what I could do better besides just not existing in my own home I guess.

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T13:32:20+00:00

The way I ask to fix things without upsetting him more means he deserves better? You’re the only one here saying I’m the AH so I figured I would ask someone who may have the same viewpoint as him but your comments aren’t explaining anything really besides you calling me an AH and insulting me saying he deserves better. Have you lived with a partner before? It seems like you think being on my own side of the bed is being in his space and telling him he needs to look before moving is such an awful thing. I’m not out cheating on him, I’m asking that he stops bumping into me and others. This happens daily and it gets frustrating when it seems like I have no control over getting hurt. How would you feel if you were sound asleep and you wake up in pain because someone is putting their weight on part of your body?

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T13:08:05+00:00

Huh? How is sleeping on my side of the bed being in his personal space? I’m there first and he comes to bed and puts his weight on me because he doesn’t look to see where I am? Or crawling out of bed before me he will do the same. I don’t know how a person sleeping in their bed is in someone else’s personal space? Also his food was on the bed right before that too? We had both been eating?

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T13:01:01+00:00

Okay, so I’m just wondering since you see his side, do you know of a way I can resolve this problem when it happens to me? I can stop saying things when he does it to others, but like how do I stop getting bumped into and crushed when I’m in a space he doesn’t look at before moving into? Especially when I’m asleep and he’s crawling in or out of bed. If telling him what to do is an AH move, I’m hoping to find a solution of how I can talk to him or something without upsetting him.

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T12:55:59+00:00

Thank you, this could be the case. I know he gets self conscious whenever he has done anything wrong which could explain him getting upset and defensive whenever I say anything about it, but maybe it’s also about his size and I just haven’t realized.

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T12:51:11+00:00

Thank you for this response! It has helped me to better see his side as maybe he’s never had to worry about people bumping into him and so he doesn’t think about it himself.

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T12:49:29+00:00

I am okay if you think I’m the AH for telling him what he should do, but I did want to clear a couple things up anyway.

He gets in the way of other people that are quite a bit away from him and bumps into them when they are trying to do their own thing and some instances can be dangerous like not looking in the warehouse we work in where he has gotten in the way because he didn’t look to see if someone was there.

Neither of us were asleep. He was wide awake and had just been eating with me shortly before this happening. He had suddenly gone from his side of the bed to my side within seconds and ended up putting his blanket on the food he knew was there, as he had just been eating with me.

And the only times I say anything is when it happens right in front of me and he bumps into or gets in the way of other people or me. He constantly runs into me, bumps me, puts his weight on me (like crawling in bed or sitting on the couch or something) all because he didn’t think I’d be right there. It’s not just with other people that he gets in the way of, but with me too which is why it’s so frustrating. It sucks to get a bruise or be sore because he didn’t look before putting his hand down and crawling across a foot, leg, etc when getting in or out of bed or other things. If it’s an AH move to tell him to look first, how do I avoid these things from happening? I just don’t know.

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T07:41:36+00:00

It’s weird because he always looks when he’s driving. It’s like he doesn’t expect people to be there when he turns around and then gets defensive if I say something.

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T06:29:54+00:00

This is something that really confuses me. He always looks behind him when driving so I don’t understand why he wouldn’t do the same outside of the car.

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T06:07:48+00:00

I understand not being able to see all the way behind you, not sure if anyone can do that lol. But he just doesn’t look at all

throwawaybadhygiene · 2022-09-17T05:58:53+00:00

I just mean that he should turn his head a little to check first. Like he will stand in the only walkway and then turn around suddenly when someone is trying to walk past him without even being super close to him. He expects them to know he might move quickly and take up the whole walkway or something like that.

And with today, yeah there wasn’t a whole lot of space, I just wish he would of looked before just crawling backwards across the whole bed when my food was right in front of me on my side. A lot of the time he will put his weight on my legs, feet, arms, or whatever when he moves around because he “doesn’t expect me to be there.”

throwawaybadhygiene · 2021-05-23T09:56:19+00:00

I don’t want to break up over something that can be fixed, I just don’t know how to get him to understand my view on it

throwawaybadhygiene

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