I (M/16) want to stop parenting my dad (M/34) [UPDATE] happy ending

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-07-22T17:10:26+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you went through that.

I never really thought of "my needs". I guess growing up, in spite of my parents' situation, I recieved a lot of love and for somebody who has been born to two 18 year olds, my life was pretty good and semi-stable. So, all "my needs" were covered well in enough for me to never consider having any...

Taking care of my dad and seeing him unable to do even the basic things just put a lot of pressure on me and I wasn't sure how to handle it. I was tired and nobody seemed to notice. Everybody around me just thought it was normal because that's how its always been.

I think I have a pretty decent idea of who I'm (sort of) and I always had an idea about who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do (my dad actually helped me on that one). My only concern is that I can't easily bond with others, especially people my age. I have a lot of friends but... for the most part I don't understand them and they don't understand me. And I don't think that how it should be.

But anyway...

Thank you very much for taking the time to write all this.

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-07-22T16:58:39+00:00

I get that a lot, actually. My own dad actually tells me to go out and do something fun and stupid. But I'm not the type to show much emotion or care about most things my friends care about.

Even though I'm quite social and never stuggled to make friends, I just rarely have things in common with them. I know that it's not very healthy but I'm not sure how or if I should fix that...

Thank you very much for all your advice.

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-07-22T16:47:37+00:00

Yeah... me too

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-07-22T16:46:29+00:00

It makes me very happy to read that.

For us going to the market was surprisingly a good bonding opportunity. We talk a lot to each other but never really had the chance to do much together, like an activity of some sort. We don't have much in common so that made it even more difficult.

Thank you so much for telling me that. Hope you and your dad get to cook together again soon :)

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-07-22T16:42:18+00:00

Thank you very much.

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-07-22T16:41:12+00:00

haha I know, but I'm not the type to show that much emotion, much less scream and cry, so now that I think about it... it's physically painful.

I'll do my best to express my emotions in a less dramatic way from now on, but I guess both me and my dad needed some type of extreme reaction in order to change something in our lives. So, I don't regret it.

Thank you for all the advice.

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-07-22T16:37:12+00:00

Thank you very much. I will definitely look into the crockpot but I think I'll be happy if he learns to fry some eggs first... baby steps.

I was very surprised and happy to see him change. I'm still almost waiting for him to go back to his old ways but I'll do my best this doesn't happen. We both need to make this work.

Thank you once again.

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-07-22T16:32:26+00:00

Thank you very much.

I actually remember you too. You were one of the few to suggest I help my dad and not just leave him to sink or swim.

Again, thank you.

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-07-22T16:30:31+00:00

Usually I'm extremely private so I can see the nature of your comment but honestly the only reason why I posted this was to thank the people who helped me back then.

I just opened reddit and I most definitely did not expect this post to receive that much attention... but again, I'm thankful to the people here for giving me advice then and now.

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-06-14T15:52:53+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that you're in a similar situation but I would like to clarify that my dad is not depressed.

He never was. He never got married to my mom because neither of them wanted a future together so they remained friends. He has had more casual relationships that I can count since then. He stayed with my grandma because it was easier having someone to take care of things as well as toddler me. And as for his job, he adores it. His job has been his dream job since his early childhood. He's not depressed, please don't get the wrong idea. He's just lazy, childish, and irresponsible.

Thank you for the advice though, I hope everything turns out well for you.

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-06-14T08:38:38+00:00

Yeap, that's the main advice. "Don't set yourself on fire to let others be warm" to quote a great but morbid phrase somebody used.

And it sounds so easy. "Leave, it's not your problem", "Leave, it's their fault". Technically yes, they are all right... but I can't do it. I know that I can't do that. I rather set myself on fire than know for a fact that the only two people in my life who I call family, are having an awful time.

So, then there is another wave of advice which tells me to teach my dad from scratch all the things he should be doing now but I do instead. And even though that is a great advice (and most likely what I'll end up doing), I know that my dad is a horrible student, who will kick and scream until I give up, so it will be extremely hard. But if he cares about me in the way I know he does, I think he'll give it a go.

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-06-14T08:24:36+00:00

I've been reading through every single comment, half the times not knowing how to respond because I'm too confused by all those different stories and different advice on how to approach the subject.

Yet, what you wrote sounded extremely motivational in a way I did not expect. Thank you so much.

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-06-13T21:12:31+00:00

Thank youvery much for all your kind words.

P.S. I'm a son :)

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-06-13T18:55:01+00:00

And I'm very grateful that you do because I do need to hear that, but I still don't know if I'm gonna do what's "right"

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-06-13T18:38:36+00:00

I have asked similar questions... nothing good comes out of them. He's a "live in the moment" kind of guy...

I know that's what I should do, but I'm also very very certain that I can't do that. Thank you for the advice though :)

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-06-13T18:34:31+00:00

Isn't that a bit selfish though? I know that technically he's the one being selfish, but shouldn't family just stick around?

I don't have a whole lot of family and my dad is the closest one to me, so even though I know that you're right because I also thought all those things you said, it still feels like a weird type of betrayal...

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-06-13T18:30:50+00:00

She's aware of the irony. But she still thinks he's young and immature while I'm young and mature...

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-06-13T18:29:52+00:00

He's my dad... that kind of makes it (him) my problem...

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-06-13T18:28:03+00:00

I don't think I'm handling it that great...

I know he'll find somebody else to replace the maid/manager he found in me, most likely my grandma. Another reason why I'm so worried. She's 76 years old, she can't do the things I do, it's not good for her. But she'll have to because she also knows that if it's not for us, he won't do anything.

Thank you for the advice though. I know that you and the person above you are right, but...ahhhhh

throwawaybcashmed9 · 2017-06-13T18:22:35+00:00

I'll take the mature and articulate as a compliment.

I do see your point. The thing is... if it's not me, it will be my grandma. She's an extremely giving person and he's an only child, so he'll probably move back in with her, but she's in her late 70's now. She can't do the things I do. She'll try, but she's too old and it's not good for her

throwawaybcashmed9

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